Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Sick = no conception

D took me to the doctor yesterday.  Turns out I have a bronchial infection, not just a mere cold.  No wonder I have been getting worse instead of better.   But I'm on antibiotics now, so things will start improving.

The disadvantage of course, is that it is highly unlikely that we will conceive this month.  Queen Naturo told us right at the beginning that if I'm sick then the body, in it's fight to clear itself of bad things, will reject any conception as a foreign body.  The doctor also told us the same thing yesterday.

So, this month will be another wipeout.

The positive aspect of this though, is that I will be able to have champagne at our engagement party in two weeks time!!  Woohoo!

We did talk to the doctor again about the fact that we still aren't pregnant and I was surprised to discover that my fertility doctor had sent her a letter with a report on us.  It was interesting to read.  It didn't say anything I didn't already know but it was interesting to read her summary.


I was frustrated to read that she said she had recommended IUI as well as IVF.  She might have recommended it, but she certainly didn't offer it because she told me that her clinic does not do IUI.  I remember this clearly because I wanted to go down that path first before IVF and might even have been willing to give it a go right there and then.  Except they didn't offer it!  I was annoyed by that.  But nevermind, I would rather go with a different clinic and OB anyway.

Our health care waiting period runs out in 2 months.  Then if we still aren't pregnant we can go down that path.  The doctor recommended that we start looking around for a good OB now.  I think she was pleased that will be going down the private path instead of the public system.  While she didn't say it, obviously, I got the feeling she thinks that is a better way to go.

So, it will be on to our friend who is a nurse in the private hospital to ask around and find out who will be the best OB for us to get.  She then might be able to ensure that we can get in with him/her.

And we continue moving forward...

Monday, September 13, 2010

Urine testing

We have had a bit of hiccup this cycle with me being sick right in the middle of my fertile period.  Rather annoying being sick at the best of times, let alone right now!

I've been monitoring my basal temperature for the last couple of weeks.  At this stage there is no indication that I have ovulated yet.  And I am now on Day 18.

D came home this morning from getting me some cold remedies and was very excited.  He found a urine ovulation testing kit for $20 and is excited to give it a go.  I've looked at urine testing before and kept away from it for two reasons - each kit only has 5 tests and with my irregular cycles that it makes it really hard to know when to be testing - and they always cost around $70 for each month.  Far too expensive when the 'when' to test is too unknown.

Yet, here is one for twenty bucks.  And it came with a pregnancy test as well.  We are going to use this one, in conjunction with the basal testing and see if we can get a better idea on my ovulation.  it was so nice to see D so excited about it!

We did the first test before he went to work and it came up negative.  So we will continue for the next 4 days and see what happens both with the urine and the basal.  Should be interesting!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Making room for bubs (and updating!)


Hi all!  Sorry I haven't been around much or kept up blogging - both posting and commenting.  There just doesn't seemed to have been time in my head for it!  But I have really appreciated the comments I have received and have enjoyed quick catch ups on your blogs to see how things are going for you.

One of the reasons that there has been no time, is that we have been tackling some major projects around the home - clutter clearing, organising, building, gardening - all outdoor projects which is an area we haven't tackled since D moved in.  See my other blog - Creating Peaceful Thoughts- for all the details!

The clutter clearing and building in particular, held a lot of significance for me in regards to our conception journey, because I saw it as clearing away lots of rubbish in order to make room for bringing a new life into our home and lives.  And the building of a work area in the carport was like adding a new room to our home and saw us becoming more efficient both inside and outside the home with more clutter clearing, organising and creating of space.

The process is continuing with much more still to do.  And each step forward always signifies to me, more space in our lives for bubs to come in.

That was one of the really positive things that has happened and is still happening!

This, plus so many other little signs last cycle though, made me really hopeful about a positive result.  I was sure that we were finally going to conceive.  So, when my new cycle began, I was so upset.  It was the first time I have really truly cried over a new cycle.  And it occurred just as we were about to go away for the weekend and with visitors!  Oh dear.  Somehow, with D's help and support, I managed to get through that little episode secretly with our visitors none the wiser, and a wonderful weekend away!

However, the positive thing in this new cycle is that the length was back down to 30 days.  I haven't had a 30 day cycle since before we started trying a year and a half ago.  It always takes around 3 months for new naturopathic meds to really kick into the system and it has now been that long since Queen Naturo put me on new hormones. 

I truly believe that my system is balanced so much better and more ready to conceive - a 30 day cycle is awesome for me.  A few weeks ago I was all ready to go see my other naturopath for a second opinion (who I haven't seen at all since the journey began), but this has brought my belief back again to the awesome duo that I have my faith in.

It also means that I once again, have such hopes for this cycle.  A blessing and a curse all at once!!

More updates:

**  King Acupunc has become more gungho about getting us pregnant after going to yet another fertility workshop.  He came away equipped with more ideas, more specific points to needle me, and with lots of charts for me to fill in!  I appreciate this passion he has to ensure results and hope it works!

**  Mr. Ayuveda is continuing to help me, this time working with my own feelings and instincts on what is going on for me.  Every now and then I turn up at his door with such a clear image on what is wrong and when it is that strong he is able to get a clearer picture himself on what is needed.

This week was all about helping my soul to find my body.  I have been feeling so strongly that I am living outside of my body, up in my head.  And I think it has been this way for a long time, which is a big reason for my struggles with weight and food addiction.  Before I saw him, I managed for split seconds every now and then to be able to become grounded in myself.  And every time I did, for that split second, the food cravings would disappear completely.

Now, after his session, I am able to ground myself and feel centered for longer periods, which is really helping with healthy eating and feeling more peaceful.  Which in turn, will help us conceive, I'm sure!

Friday, July 30, 2010

The wait is over

Well, the two week wait is over and the test was negative.  Four days later my new cycle started.  I couldn't wait for it to begin, so I could enjoy a glass of wine!  I still wasn't going to drink just in case the test was wrong.  But Wednesday came and Wednesday night the sound of a bottle cracking open was enjoyed by my ears for the first time in over a month!

I was feeling hopeful about this cycle for a few days.  I went to my weekly acupuncture appointment and when he felt my pulse he said there was something different about it.  Apparently, a pre-menstrual pulse feels different to a conceived pulse, and mine felt different than usual to him.  He wasn't committing to anything of course, but he told me to wait a couple of days and then do a test.  Which is what I did.  Lucky he didn't commit to anything!!



On Wednesday, I also had my appointment with my ayuvedic masseuse.  It was another good appointment.  A lot of what he did last time had held in my body and he was really pleased especially to see that my hips had stayed open and I was laying flat on the table, not slightly out of alignment.  This is an important one for fertility so I was really pleased to have maintained that. 

My energy had also stayed in alignment and my balance was good.  As a result, he was able to look further into my body.  According to him, my uterus was inflamed so he  worked on that.  I did ask him how much that could be because I was on Day 1.  And while that does affect it, it was not the sole reason.

He doesn't think I am far off being able to conceive.  I see him again in a month.  Every little bit helps.  But I am hoping that his work with him will make a big difference.

I go for acupuncture again today plus a painful massage treatment!  I put my back out last week, so I made the appointment longer to get some treatment on it.  It feels almost better now so this last treatment should do the trick!

Of course I am disappointed to be starting another cycle but it just seems to be part of the course of life now and I'm moving on.  Had we conceived this time though, we would have been able to announce our pregnancy at our engagement party in 2 months time!  That would have been fun!  Nevermind.  On to the next!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Day 20 and the 2-3WW






It's Day 20 and the 2-3WW has begun yet again.  Here we go!!


Friday, July 9, 2010


One week ago I went to see my ayuveda masseur.  The man is a god-send! 

I made the appointment a couple of months (he is hard to get into!) knowing that I needed an energy balancing.  Things weren't right and in the past he has been able to balance my energy beautifully.  

It was a great session.  Apparently my physical energy was going in a completely different direction to my spiritual energy.  No wonder I have felt so out of sorts and unbalanced.  The next day I was feeling much better -  more peaceful and centred and calmer.  And best of all, my addictive thinking had gone.  I can't even begin to describe how bad things have been in that regards over the last few months.  It's been out of control and making me utterly miserable for my complete lack of ability to do anything about it.  But two weeks ago I did.  I went to the one man who I know helps me.

He also worked on my fertility, clearing away a blockage and opening up hips.  Apparently my hips have been rolling inward which puts pressure on the ovaries.  He gave me an exercise to keep my hips open and rolled out to where they should be, which D has to help me with.

I see him again in a month to see how things are going.

The last week has been crazy with State Music Camp.  It's in the school holidays and involves me getting to work earlier, getting up earlier and driving further everyday.  That plus D also having an unusually busy week, we haven't done the exercise and I am starting to feel myself backsliding.  I've mentioned it to D and we are going to set up the massage table tonight so we can do it.  I'm looking forward to seeing if that shifts things back again.

I'm still amazed at the session and his ability to pinpoint the exact things that I needed.  It was exactly the session I was hoping it would be!  I'm looking forward to seeing the results and I'm looking forward to my appointment next month!


Friday, June 25, 2010

Getting away

My coincidence, or design (!), D and I are able to get away to our property in the country this weekend.  It's cold and wet, but we don't care.  We can't wait to get there and freeze our wet asses off!! 

We will freeze in the cold caravan but we don't care because we are going to curl up in bed together and watch a movie on D's tiny little E-Reader. 

We are going to be stomping around in the muddy ground, but we don't care because we have galoshes.

We are going to have to try to find wood in the dark when we arrive, but we don't care because we will use our new chainsaw.  And if we can't find dry wood, then we won't care because we will curl up in bed early and laugh and talk and have fun together.

It's cold and wet, but we don't care because it will probably mean we will be there by ourselves (without the other partners in the property being there with their 4 kids, 2 dogs, 6 quadbikes and sometimes grumpy demeanour).  It will just be the two of us in the peace and quiet surroundings of the middle of nowhere nature.

I can't wait.  I see this as being a good start back on the track of my life as I want it to be.  A good start out of the slump of not just this week, but the last two weeks.  A clean slate.  Fresh clean air to blow away the staleness and stagnant thoughts and to bring in calm, peaceful, positive new ones.  The true thoughts of my soul!

The two of us together in one of our favourite places in the world.  What bliss!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

On the up.

I'm starting along the upward path now.  The sense of loss has mostly gone and I'm heading back to my normal self. 

Just in time for D too, because his chronic fatigue has been building the last couple of days and tonight he came home in a bad way.  I was so glad I had improved over the afternoon and had tidied the house, washed the dishes, put through and hung up 5 loads of laundry and had started the dinner.  It makes such a difference to him when he can come home and feel a sense of being looked after with things under control at home.  He was able to have a sleep for 30 minutes and then have dinner.  He is already feeling better and it's good to see.

I've made an appointment with both Queen Naturo and King Acupunc for next week - back to back!

I also have an appointment with my ayuvedic man.  Coincidence that it is next week.   He is hard to get into and I made the appointment weeks ago!  But I've been thinking that perhaps that might be a way to go for a while.  He also has a good reputation with fertility.  We'll see.

Anyway, I am grateful I am feeling better.  Once again, thank you so much everyone for all your support.  I am sorry I haven't been able to reply individually or to head over to your sites and provide my support to you.  But I will asap.  It is a wonderful network we have with our blogs and I am grateful for it.


Amongst a confusing array of emotions that I just can't work out - I'm feeling a strong sense of loss this morning.  Loss for the possibilities I guess.  Loss of the dream, of the hope that built up over the last few days.  A loss of belief too, I think.

I know it will pass.  Just as all our emotions pass as long as we feel them and acknowledge them.  But now I'm at a loss!  I just don't know what to do. 

So, I write here...

I thank you all so much for your support.  It's made it so much easier.  Thank you...

And in a few minutes, I will shower and get ready for work.

My walk this morning was good.  It cleared away some energy.  I only have a short day today and then I go and help D clean and organise his office.  I enjoy doing that.  I'm looking forward to it!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Red wine rules!

My mid-morning my new cycle had begun and along with it came anger.  I was so angry that my period had hung off just long enough for enough for us to have those three hopeful minutes waiting for the pregnancy test.

I'm still a bit angry but thankfully that emotion is  slowly dissipating.  I'm so frustrated.  I don't know what to do or how to feel.  The logical brain says everything is as it should be, live in the moment, blah, blah, blah.  The other side of brain wants to scream and yell and say WTF!!!  Any infertility diagnosis is terrible.   Unexplained infertility is exasperating.

Nothing like being able to enjoy a glass of red wine though.  I miss red wine.  Most of the time I don't think about.  It's been a long time now not drinking except for the first few days of my cycle.  But every now and then, particularly when socializing, I miss it greatly.  So, tonight I get to indulge that favourite pastime.  It's a good glass of red from D's cold room at his work.  Just divine!

A result

Well, the test was negative.  But still no period.  So, until such time as that occurs there is always the possibility that test was inaccurate.

I was so sure that this time would the one.  I have felt different the last couple of weeks.  I can't describe how, just different. 

But, I am also on a different regime of naturopathic medicine working on my hormones, so it is quite likely due to that.  Queen Naturo will probably not be happy with me having an extended cycle.  I will need to make an appointment with her soon.

The test said that if you still think you may be pregnant, wait three days before testing again .  So, in three days, if there is no period, I will test again.  And either way, head off to see QN.

I'm feeling ok with it.  Disappointed, frustrated, yes.  But ok.  Life will take us where it will.  And everything is as it should be.

Thank you all for your support.


Monday, June 21, 2010

Holding My Breath

It's Day 38 and I'm holding my breath.  I'm finding myself going to the toilet more often just to check!  Each day that passes gets us a little more hopeful.  D's mum has been with us the last few days so we've been waiting to do a pregnancy test.  She left yesterday and we got the test today.  If all stays as it is, then we will do the test tomorrow morning.  Eeeek!

I'm not sure how I am feeling.  Lots of emotions really, depending on the moment.  I'm eager to do the test, yet I am also happy to wait.  Each hour, each day that passes with no period is a good thing.  Doing the test and having a BPN will break the spell.  But a BFP...  well, just smiles all around!!  And then off to the doctors for confirmation, then to the naturopath for a change of herbs, the acupuncturist to make sure the pregnancy holds.

Oh dear.  Until tomorrow...

Thursday, June 10, 2010


D and I have just been made aware of a natural fertility clinic in our area.  I had never heard of it!  I am excited to know that there is somewhere else we can go for a second natural opinion if we choose to.  My belief in a natural solution is still strong and until the end of the year, it is the path that we are staying on. 

I haven’t been back to the fertility clinic since we were presented with the IVF booklet and the choice to take this path.  However, once our health fund waiting period is over at the end of the year, then if we still aren’t pregnant, we will start the roller coaster IVF path but with a different clinic.  Once the waiting period is over we will be able to choose our OBGYN, not simply take whoever we are given in the public system.  We were also told about a wonderfully successful clinic in Melbourne and wonder if we may choose to go interstate to do IVF.  It would be difficult but by the sounds of their results, highly worthwhile.

Anyway, that is several months away yet and may not even be needed. (fingers crossed)

I will need to get over my feelings of disloyalty to Queen Naturo and King Acupunc if we choose to get a second opinion at the natural fertility clinic.  These two people are more than just our naturopath and acupuncturist, over the last few years they have become friends.  I have the utmost faith in them and and feel thoroughly nurtured and taken care of in their care. 

However, I am also 41 years old and have been trying to conceive for about 14 months now.  I am wondering if this is working.  I need to look at any option available.

I am in the last week of the two week wait.  Any decisions will wait until I know one way or the other for this cycle.

I plan on returning to acupuncture treatments next cycle.  It will be two cycles that I have taken a break on this and I am ready to return to it again. 

baby in path

Thursday, June 3, 2010

An anniversary weekend.

D and I treated ourselves to a night at the Grand Hotel for our anniversary this year, courtesy of a birthday gift from my parents.  Thanks Mum and Dad!  It was just awesome!

We had a wonderful time and, wouldn’t you know it, it was right on ovulation time!  Woohooo!!

We had heaps of fun with our camera!  Check out my 52 Projects post for this week for some of the results of our exposure photography.

The weekend turned out to be cold, wet and dreary.  So our plans of walking along the oceanside and down the main street were dashed.  Instead we played with the camera doing really silly shots as well as the exposure photography.   But for this post, I just put up a nice photo of us in our room!

D LOVED the showerhead in the bathroom.  He just HAD to take a photograph of it and plans to install the exact same one in our shower at home!  Crazy man!


Thursday, May 27, 2010

To ovulate or not to ovulate

I find it interesting that every time Queen Naturo has tested me for ovulation through E2 and P4, it has always indicated that it is unlikely that I’ve ovulated.  Yet, everytime I was test for ovulation at the fertility clinic, she always said that I was.

It could be co-incidence.  Maybe that’s the way it worked.  FC caught me on a ovulating cycle and QN didn’t.  It could also be that FC only ever tested for P4, while QN tested for that as well as E2 – and it is always my E2 levels that are too low for ovulation, the P4’s are ok, but not great because they are affected by the low E2.

Seeing I’m not pregnant, I think I lean towards QN’s analysis more!

Yet, perhaps it was a meant to be thing.  Perhaps my destiny is not to be pumped with artificial drugs but to conceive through natural treatments.  If that is the case, then I am really happy with that.

Perhaps also I am reading far too much into it.  Creating hypotheses where no theories are present!!  Who knows!  It is just all very interesting.  The whole natural medicine versus standard medicine.  Yet, my experiences have shown me that natural medicine is much more effective, more intuitive, more revealing and solves the problems rather than masks them symptoms.   Time and time again, this has been proven to me.

Natural medicine will always be my first port of call.   But when it comes down to it, if we have to go IVF, IUI etc we will, and if I ever got really sick, like cancer, then thank goodness for standard medicine!   I am grateful to have access to both!


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Test Results

I’m really please with my test results today.  In all but one area, excellent improvements all around.  And the one area where there was no change, has given us a focus on what we need to work on.  I feel really encouraged by this!  I’m glad that so much has improved.  And I’m glad to know where the problem is and that there are solutions.

My homocysteine levels have improved dramatically!  They are now the best results she has ever seen.  If your homocysteine levels are too high there is a risk of miscarriage and down syndrome, so it was very important to get these levels down!  Queen Naturo would have been happy if these levels had dropped to around 7.  But mine are at a specy 5.5 (range 5.0 – 15.0)!

My testosterone levels have also improved, going from 156 pmol/L down to 121 (range 24-137).  She is happy with this!

My progesterone levels were okay, she said and did increase in the second test 2 days later.  A good sign!  But they need to be better and will be, once my oestradiol (oestrogen) levels are fixed.  This is where the problems lays.  Progesterone levels will improve once my oestradiol improves, so Queen Naturo is now no longer worried about the P4.

My E2 levels were the same as they were 9 months ago – at 2 pmol/L.  (Range – 6-14).  They are way too low which indicate that, at least for last month, I didn’t ovulate.  Oestrogen is what drives the release of the egg.  Without it, no ovulation.

I am actually really happy with this.  I was worried that the results would be fine and it would all be a big mystery, just as it was at the fertility clinic.  But instead, we have some focus.  We have an area that isn’t working and we have treatments to get it working!

I started taking progesterone tablets just a couple of weeks ago.  These will help me hold a conception.
And now I will begin taking tablets to help increase the E2 levels and encourage ovulation.

The two together should do the trick!  Fingers crossed!


On another medical note, my arthritis has flared up hugely this week.  Worse ever.  Both King Acupunc and Queen Naturo believe the weather is a large factor.  It has turned cold and wet here this week.  She has recommended some new tabs for me to take.  However, I haven’t been able to find them in store.  They are a new release to the over the counter market. One chemist, though, was able to give me the name and number of the agent that supplies them.  So, a phone call to her will in order tomorrow.  In the meantime, I have some cream – Traumeel – to rub into the joints.

I’m feeling so much more positive and hopeful now than I was yesterday!

Homocysteine – 5.5 umol/L (range 5.0 – 15.0)

Oestradiol (E2) - 2 pmol/L.  (Range – 6-14)
Progesterone (P4) – 306 pmol/L increasing to 407 2 days later (Range 140-520)
Testosterone – 121 pmol/L (range 24-137)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Tuesday update

I have a naturopath appointment tomorrow to get the results of some more tests.  They are re-runs of previous tests she has done to see what improvements and changes have occurred.  I’m eager to find out what has happened and to see what is the next step for us.

Maybe this will help me to find my positivity and enthusiasm for our conception journey again.  I am still at a bit of a loss with it all and find myself with no expectations at all of ever becoming pregnant.  It seems such a lofty dream now.

I’m now officially in the long term phase for Queen Naturo.  Only one other person she and King Acupunc have treated took over a year to get pregnant.  This other lucky woman is now a Mum, so there is still hope.  But trust me to be in the difficult category!

I’m still on a break from King Acupunc.  I have decided to stay on this break until my next cycle.  I just need some time still.  Normally here I would write - “that is of course, if there is another cycle!”, but that positivity and hopefulness just doesn’t seem to be oozing out of me right at this minute.  You never know though!

To help with the process of finding my mojo again though, it is time to start posting those cute baby pictures again…


Most of my focus is going towards healing myself of my addictive behaviours towards food.  And while any progress with this, may also help us on the road to conceiving, I’ve decided to write about in my other blog – creating peaceful thoughts.  Because that is what it is all about – finding peace with my head, quietening the crazy, demanding, overwhelming voice that tells me to do things that I really don’t want to do.

There has been progress, but there is still a long way to go.  So, I’m off to my other blog to find my peaceful thoughts.

Peace and love to you all!

Flower Power Mom on CNN

I received an email today from the amazing Angel La Liberte of Flower Power Mom
She was just on CNN supporting motherhood over 40.  On her request

, here is her email.  Go and check out the interview!

You may remember that I launched a  Mother’s Day awareness initiative on later life motherhood, on behalf of  Flower Power Mom—The Truth About Motherhood After 40.

On Saturday 22nd May,  I was interviewed for a live debate on CNN News with anchor Don Lemon, regarding the issues related to over-40 motherhood (connected to the Kelly Preston story).

In case you’re interested, I’ve enclosed a blog link which contains the footage:

You can view it at the main site or standalone blog.

Main site:


Please consider forward this email and spreading the word to your friends and contacts. It was quite a breakthrough in generating more understanding and support of women having children after 40!

Kind thanks,

Angel La Liberte, Founder,  FPM

The Truth About Motherhood After 40


Sunday, May 16, 2010

No more counting.

I have decided that as of now, there will no more counting how many cycles we have gone through without success.  It’s been over a year, so I’m done with that!  It’s really hard to do, but I am not thinking about what number this is at all!!

So, the good things about starting a new cycle…

It was my friends 40th birthday celebrations last night.  It was great to be able to enjoy a few drinks and relax.

I was able to poison the weeds in the garden today.  I won’t go near the poison at any other time than the first few days of a new cycle.  I am so glad to have gotten that job completely done.  There was SO SO many weeds coming up.  But no more!!
I hate to use poison, but in my yard at this stage, we have no choice.  We have talked about other options, such as weed mat etc, and hopefully we will get to that soon.

I’m not having an easy day of it today and am struggling with a few too many things at once.  One of which is that

I’m starting to think my body doesn’t know how to get pregnant.  I am ovulating, all my bits are in good working order, D is fine too and we cover my fertile period well. 


So, why no conception?

I am completely and utterly baffled.


But, I’m going to do the usual thing of one step at a time and see how well I can get through the rest of the day.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Right now.

Well, our journey towards parenthood is still going.  It’s not as all-encompassing anymore but it is still happening.  We are still taking all our herbs, still not drinking alcohol, still keeping track of my fertile period and still waiting.

I find myself though, not focusing on the journey so much.  Life has come up and taken hold and there are too many other things going on.  Too many other goals to reach and things to do.

I suppose that is a good thing, not having our desire to conceive to be in the forefront of our lives.  Sometimes though, I wonder if it is a ‘giving up’ on my part, a loss of faith that it will ever happen. 

I stopped going to acupuncture three weeks ago.  I just needed a break from it.  I’ve been going every week for about 8 months now.  I know I will resume it again.  But aside from needing a break, I think I have also lost a little faith in this as well.

But, we are still trying.  We are almost at the end of the two week wait.  It seems to have been going for a long time this time around!  I am impatient to know whether I am going to be really happy to be pregnant or happy to be able to enjoy a lovely glass of good red wine at the start of a new cycle! 

It is so nice to be able to have the second option as a happy thing when we find out we aren’t pregnant.  At least there is something good in it!  But I am certainly looking forward to completely giving up drinking for over a year and growing and feeding our little bubby instead.

Anyway, that is where I am right now.  A little on the back leg, a little disillusioned, a little despondent, but still walking!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Flying again already.

Well, I can’t believe it is happening again so quickly, but I am flying again tonight.  This was an unexpected trip due to a tragedy in D’s immediate family.  We are flying to Sydney to be with them and to attend the funeral.

I am feeling a lot calmer right now than I did at this point last time, which is good.  I am still getting some feelings of panic but am able to think rationally about it and to breathe deeply.

This is my fertile week now, so there is the possibility that I could conceive between now and when we return on Sunday, if not already.  So, it is going to be especially important that I try to stay calm on the flights.  I never wanted to fly when I was pregnant.  But I am hoping I have made enough progress on my fears that it won’t be an issue.  And maybe it won’t be an issue at such an early stage anyway.

Wish me luck and inner calm.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Back on land

The flights are done and a good weekend was had!

How did I go?
Well, I got lucky.  I had two relatively smooth flights, which made it much easier to manage.

Did the course help?
Yes, it did.  There was no instant cure.  I still had to manage my fear, but by the second flight, I was surprising myself with how well I did manage the small turbulence that we had and the feelings of take off and landing.  It was starting to feel like any other travel trips on car or boat with all the bumping and rocking along the way.  And I found myself smiling 30,000 feet in the air!

As I took off the second time, my little ditty popped in my head.  “He flys through the air with the greatest of ease..”  It helped SO SO SO much!!  I then kept telling myself “it’s just like being in the car, the bumps are normal”. 

On each flight, I also told the flight attendants on boarding that I had this fear and that I had just done a course trying to conquer it.  They were all really nice and helpful and it made it better knowing that they knew.  I wasn’t alone up there.

How were my stress levels?
Terrible!  And still are.  The lead up to this trip was so stressful for me.  I was often led to tears, my nerves were a mess, and I really wasn’t coping too well with anything.  Now I am successfully back and feeling so much more confident about the next time I may have to fly.  However, my anxiety levels are still high.  I just can’t wind down. 

D is still away and I am not coping with that either.  Which is unusual.  Normally I am fine with being on my own, having done it my most of my life.  Perhaps if he was here, I would be winding down better.  Who knows.

How was Melbourne?
Melbourne was fabulous and the hotel was superb!!!  I don’t have the photos because D still has the camera!  But I took some great ones and can’t wait to show you.  It was a real Grand Hotel.  The staff were old school in their manner and actions and voice.  The decor was like being in a 19th century mansion.  Unfortunately the prices matched that!  So, we ate out and bought a box of cornflakes for breakfast.  The hotel charged $10 for a bowl!!! 

We did have one night where we ate in the hotel bar.  Much more reasonably priced.  But still cooked by the hotel chef.  OH MY GOD!!!  I have never tasted a steak like it.  Absolutely luscious!! MMMMmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!

Overall, I am really happy with myself.  I didn’t allow my fear of flying to stop me having a weekend away.  I did all that I could, not to just deal with the flight, but to conquer the fear.  D is really proud of me! 

While I am glad to be grounded for a while to try and get my anxiety levels back to normal, I am actually keen to try again and remove my fear altogether!  A relatively smooth flight was a lucky break for me to start the process.  The next test will be to get onto a plane without the anxiety in the first place and then to stay relatively calm during rougher turbulence.  There is absolutely nothing to worry about.  And I am amazed to feel quite calm and believing as I write those words!

D wants to fly to Queensland a couple of times this year as the company that he his a partner in, is opening a new branch over there.  If I’m pregnant, I don’t want to take the chance.  But if I’m not, I look forward to another holiday together in another city!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Continuing the Fear of Flying course

Today I have been doing the virtual flight videos and applying my relaxation techniques to the experience.  It’s amazing how even just looking at the videos can bring on the fear. 

The main relaxation technique I have been using is tapping on the pressure points that King Acupunc showed yesterday at my needle session.  He gave me some good needling to help me be calmer and more grounded in my chi.  And two of the points he jabbed are points that I need to tap repeatedly whilst chanting a mantra. 

Today, I have been using this one “this plane is taking me to see D, this plane is taking me to see D” – that has definitely put a smile on my face.  

And this one “I am choosing to fly to see D, I am choosing to fly to see D”. 

And then this little song emerged into my head “he flies through the air with the greatest of ease”.  It’s from a song about flying trapeze artists but it works for me!!  It reminds me that planes are happiest in the air.  That is where they glide as they were built to do.  The course had this cute little picture of a smiling plane with this sentence “The plane is happiest in the air, that's where it's meant to be!



I have printed out my notes form the course, downloaded the audio file and put it on my mp3 player and printed out the book to read as well.  I have my sudoku books and will get some magazines before I board.  I’ve been listening to the audio file any chance I have had today and hope I am starting to get desensitized to the whole experience. 

There is nothing to worry about, nothing to worry about, nothing to worry about.

The air is thick like liquid and the plane swims through it.
Even without engines, the plane will continue to glide through the thick air.
The plane automatically keeps level.  Pilots have to hold them in a turn or for a descent/ascent.
Bumps in the air are just like bumps in the road.   They are caused by changes in the texture of the air, but just as the car keeps going along the road, the plane will keep swimming through the thick air surrounding it.

I put my hand out of the car window as I was driving down the freeway and felt the thickness of the air at the faster speeds.  I felt the buoyancy of my hand in it.  I felt the bumps along the way as the air changed.  But it didn’t affect the buoyancy of my hand.

I imagined being in the plane as the car was bumping along the road.

I watched birds flying through the air, using flapping wings to propel them forward (engines) and then gliding along with the momentum.

Part of me is still feeling all the signs of anxiety and borderline panic, the chest pains are still there.  But another part of me is feeling much more relaxed and aware and excited to see if this course has helped me.

But the best focus is the excitement of the adventure.  The weekend in Melbourne, seeing D, staying at a grand hotel!!  Woohoo!!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Feeling better

I’m feeling better today and finding myself enjoying the unstructured time of being on my own and doing things at my own pace. 

I’ve been doing an on-line course to try and overcome my fear of flying.  It is written by a captain pilot and is very informative.  I am hoping that knowing what is going on both in the air and on the ground and how it all works will take away a lot of my irrational fears of the plane falling to the ground and crashing!

My aim is to be relaxed up the air, knowing that the plane is built to glide through the air and that turbulence is no different than going over bumps on the road in your car.  Did you know that a plane can continue gliding through the air even if all the engines fail? 

We are staying at a gorgeous old grand hotel in Melbourne.  Built in the 1800’s it is one of the only independent grand hotels in the world.  I can’t believe we are staying there.  We got a good deal on it through one of the accommodation deals websites.  I’m really excited.  That will help me get through the flight, knowing where I get to go at the end of it!  As well as seeing D of course!

This is so what we need together.  A weekend away.  If it wasn’t for the ordeal that flying has become for me with the anxiety already building, it would all be just so exciting.  I used to love flying.  I hope this trip will help me to find that again.

The Hotel Windsor – some sneak pictures to tempt my senses!  I will post some of our own photos from the weekend when we get back. 






Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Flying and pointlessness

I’m flying to Melbourne on Friday to meet D for the weekend.  Have I ever told you about my terrible fear of flying.  Fear of turbulence and the plane crashing, fear of having a panic attack as well as the claustrophobia which I only have only a plane?? 

You get the idea.  Terror!

But I have been researching it all today, what is turbulence, how planes fly, giving myself loads of information so that I understand it all much better.  And then I discovered a free on-line course written by a captain pilot to help recover from this condition.  So, I am doing that now.

I have also gotten the necessary natural therapies to assist – nerve tissue salts, and a bach flower remedy.  And on the day, I will also have a rescue remedy spray.

I like that I am discovering more about it all.  I think it will help.

I really wanted to take this opportunity.  Once I am pregnant, I won’t want to fly because of the stress it creates in me.  I don’t want to pass that on to bubby.  So, now that I know I am not pregnant for at least another two weeks, and this opportunity is here, we are taking it and going to have a weekend rendezvous in another city!

I’m feeling a real sense of pointlessness in my life right now.  I am so ready to be a Mum.  It’s been nearly a year now and still no bubby.  And I just don’t know what I am doing in my life.  Nothing seems to have any meaning at all.  Not my work, not my activities, not my family.  It all seems really pointless.

I know this will pass.  I will find again a sense of serenity and peacefulness in the moment.  In just being.  But it’s not here right now.  I miss D.  I haven’t been able to have my “it’s okay, honey, we’ll try again this month” hug.  I had to tell him over the phone that I got my period.  But, as a result, I am having a weekend in Melbourne and that will be good!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Cycle 11

Day 1

A new cycle has begun.

The positive 
– I am glad my cycle went back to a 32 day cycle after the last one being 38 days.
- Tonight I am going to enjoy a lovely glass of Wolf Blass Grey Label Shiraz.  Mmmmm…

A request.


D has just left for a two week work trip and I am feeling at a loss. 

I’m still just not quite right.  I don’t know what it is.  I’ve just started taking my herbs again after a week of not taking anything, simply because I just didn’t want to. 
And even now, I am doing it reluctantly because I know I need to.  And there are other things in my life that I just don’t want to do.  Lucky I am on holidays!  I am grateful for that.  I don’t feel right in my body, my head or my soul.

I am constantly thinking of the ayuvedic guy I used to see and feel the need to make an appointment.  I think I will do that today.  Maybe he can help sort things out for me.

I am on Day 33.  A longer cycle again.  Unless of course I am pregnant.  But I don’t think so.  Why?  I just don’t feel it.  And I guess also, I want to be feeling better about myself when I become pregnant!

I need to ask for some safe thoughts for D as he travels the roads for the next two weeks.  He will be on the road every day driving between 3000 and 4000 kms in that time.  Please send lots of protection for him so that he comes home safely to me.  Thank you.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Holiday Update




I’ve lost motivation to talk about our conception journey lately, probably because I have lost motivation on the journey itself!  I’ve still been keeping track of where I am in my cycle and this morning, I worked out when I am due, because we are in the two week wait now.  But the drive and the strong desire has taken a respite over the last few weeks.  Fortunately it hasn’t for D.  And while I still would love to be pregnant, he is often the one saying that we should still be trying now on this particular day.  I am so grateful for that!  For his enthusiasm and continued desire to have children together.

Last week, I went back to the naturopath for a complete re-look at what herbs I am taking.  She is sending me off for tests to see how much improvement there has been in the last few months and is changing things. 

She believes the mix I have been taking has done it’s job and it’s now time to focus on my progesterone.  From looking at all my fertility clinic test results, she believes it may be possible that we fertilise an egg, but then that I don’t maintain the progesterone level in order to hold it. 

The reason she thinks this, is that my progesterone levels are all over the place in regards to the days in my cycle.  And she believes that my progesterone levels are dropping far too quickly at the end of my cycle, which the results did indicate.  But I wonder if my cycles have become irregular again from the inconsistency in producing oestrogen rather than progesterone.

Nevertheless, she has my complete trust and I am very glad to be taking a different track and trying a new approach.  And it’s quite likely that this new herb I am taking which focuses on creating good progesterone will also balance out the other hormones as well.

Over the next few weeks, on the appropriate days of my cycle, I will redo the original tests.  I can’t wait to see the results!  Definitely excited about that!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Shifting thoughts

I’ve been finding myself in a very different place the last few weeks with my thoughts directed towards desires and dreams other than conception.  Our engagement has made me want other things in my life – most notably to be physically happy with myself for our engagement party and in a wedding dress.  I want to be able to look back at photos and be happy with the person I see in them.  Right now, I wouldn’t be able to do that.  And I know it will take more than a month or three or five of consistent effort in order to achieve that goal.

I am grateful that this has motivated me to begin to lose some weight and to follow some of the fertility eating I have learnt about, but I worry that, as an over 40 mum to be, I simply don’t have time to lose the focus towards having a baby.  Yet, it could also be that very shift away from the journey, along with fertility eating, that helps us to become pregnant!

I don’t know.  I guess I just need to keep living my life and take each day as it comes.  Just being together is the important thing.  As well as doing what is right for us.

What is right for us is to be happy together and to not feel any pressing time-line on our lives.  There are people wanting us to throw an engagement party right away, there are people shocked that we aren’t setting a date and putting wedding plans into full swing.  There is the over 40 body clock saying I don’t have any time to wait to have a baby.  There is my strong need to look better for photos and a wedding dress and to feel happy with myself.

There are the what if’s.  What if I get pregnant soon?  What will happen to the wedding, my goals to look better, the honeymoon?!  What if I don’t get pregnant soon?  Will I get too old?  Will we not ever have children?  What if I can’t lose weight?  How will that affect things?

What if?  What if?  What if?  

I have moments of living in the moment and not worrying, of being content with the way things are, with doing things the way we want to and when we are ready to, of simply taking one step at a time toward my own personal goal.  But I have equal moments with all these thoughts pounding around in my head.

Today, because I am home sick, and not eating particularly well as a result,  I am in a darker place than I wish to be.  I just want to cocoon myself with some food and a movie and wallow in this illness.

I know I will shift out of this place when the momentum of a week of good food, exercise and a smaller waist, will help me feel like I am moving forward towards my goals.  And I know that getting pregnant isn’t going to stop me continuing to move towards a healthier me.  And I know that becoming healthier could mean a more fertile me.  And I know that it doesn’t matter how long we take to do the engagement party and wedding thing.  But I just SO need to look better for that, not for D although that would be nice, but for me, for my own happiness and joy in the celebration.  Oh, it’s all just twisting round and round in my head!  LET IT GO!


In my rational mind, I know that the only thing I can do is to stay focused on eating well, exercising, remaining stress-free, and living in the joy of being so happy with D.  Everything else will simply take it’s course.

Thoughts, support, friendship and advice are all welcome!  :):)

Friday, March 12, 2010

Fun and laughter!

Thank you to everyone who was so supportive of my post yesterday.  It was so appreciated and I am so grateful to you for being there in the blogging world and sharing our journeys together.  It meant a lot and was SO helpful to receive wonderful words of wisdom, advice and support.  Thank you!

I am feeling a lot better today.  I had a good cry, a couple of drinks and a fantastic evening with D!!  It is not often we get to have a couple of drinks together these days and we really enjoyed ourselves, talking together over the dinner table, playing around with the camera, playing with the animals, and in reminiscence of our early dating days, sitting in the lounge with the lights off, listening to all sorts of music, talking, laughing and looking at the amazing visual effects of D’s fantastic screensaver.

Check out some of the fun…!

D will kill me for putting this one up, but it so depicts our fun filled, silly evening!  I stuck smiley faces on our faces in order to pick up our spirits!


R and I had a play fight.  Check out the claws!!  When he plays, he REALLY plays!!!  Ya gotta watch out!


K was being her usual gorgeous self watching the goings ons.


M and D had their usual boy fun together.  But M got the better of D and grossed him out with his licking!! (goodness knows why I am still writing with initials, when I am putting up photos!!  Oh well!)

And lastly, D gotta the better of me and caught me on the throne!  Oh dear!  Naughty man!  But hilarious laughter was the result of this bit of trickery!


So, it was a much needed, joyful, fun-filled, silly and loving evening of togetherdom.  And the result is that today I feel much better.  I love that we have so much fun together.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Cycle 10

I got my period this morning and, all of a sudden,  I am deep down in the dumps.  I need to get through it so I can find the positive once more.  It is there, I already know what the positive is, I just have to wade through this deep sadness in order to find it on the other side.  It’s there waiting for me, I can see it.

In the meantime, I have to get to work and get through the day. 

I see King Acupunc today, so that will be good I suppose.  He will needle me so that I have a thorough cleansing of my uterus, so that we can start again all clean and refreshed.

Another positive is that it is good that there is a cleansing after my HSG scan.   I am grateful for that.  Ah there you go, a little bit better.  Wait…, no…, not just yet.

The strong positive that I can see, is that this week D and I together made a commitment to eating 100% healthily for 12 weeks.  I put together a list of foods based on a combination of Sandy Robertsons’ book, advice from King Acupunc and a little bit of Weight Watchers knowledge thrown in.  Essentially, it is a focus on fruit and veg and what and how much of it we need to eat every day.  So, any meal planning is based around fruit and veg.

This difference for me, is that we are doing this together.  I feel so good about that.  And it has made it so much easier.  Thank you, D.

We are both already feeling a lot better after just three days.  I know this will help in our goal towards conception.  And it is important to me, to try and shift some weight, so I can better deal with the demands of pregnancy.  So, that is a big positive in getting another period.

But right now, I need to feel this sadness, I suppose.  I certainly don’t want to, but it is there and needs to be felt in order to pass.

I apologise for not keeping up with my blogging these last few days.  There simply has been no time to do anything else but work orientated jobs.  I look forward to catching up with everyone over the next few days.

Love and Light,

Saturday, March 6, 2010

The rest of the results

The rest of my test results arrived from the fertility clinic.  Well, almost the rest.  Missing, were the results of my pelvic scan.  But I think I will let that go.  The most important ones to come in were my progesterone tests and D’s sperm analysis.

And now I am smiling big!  Because I was right about the progesterone tests.  The two that were missing DID show I was ovulating!!  Woohooo!!  A 43 on Day 23 and a 40 on Day 26!!  Yea!

I went prancing around the house dancing and laughing - “My ovaries are working, little eggs are coming down!”.  D just watched me and laughed at my silliness!!  :)

It was such a relief after being so worried for so many months about whether I was ovulating or not!!  Big smiles all around.

I am yet to research up on D’s results but will at some stage just for my own understanding of it all.  However, upon mentioning the morphology to King Acupunc, he said “no worries, I have just the thing!”.  Well, of course he does.  They both always have a herbal solution to every problem.  We have seen the results of it time and time again!  Ya just gotta love natural medicine!  Brilliant!


There was one little hiccup with things yesterday.

My mum came around to spend some time together and help out with a few things.  She brought the mail in.  Yes, the fertility clinic letter!  Woopsiee.  It didn’t say fertility clinic, just the hospital and O and G department.  I mean I could be G’ing, but not O’ing!! 

I wasn’t sure if she saw it, because it was mixed up with the junk mail.  But later she was sitting down quietly and gently asked me why I had given up alcohol.  Keep in mind, I gave up about 9 months ago, and up until now, she has been perfectly happy with the fact that it was just to cut back!

In a matter of a split second, I debated telling her or not.  But I really don’t want to yet.  So, I came out with “I haven’t given up completely”.  And left it at that.  Which is true, because every time I get a period, I still enjoy a glass or two of my favourite red wine.  I didn’t actually answer her question.  Later, on our way back from Curves, she mentioned my niece and her fiance discussing having children and I wondered again, if she had seen anything.

I think she is a bit confused about us.  I think she is very disappointed that we are not rushing on into our engagement party and wedding.  I wonder if I should sit her down and talk to her about what we are doing.  D has suggested that it may be a good idea.  I don’t know. 

I still don’t want the questions every time I see her – are we pregnant yet, how is it going.  I don’t know how she would feel about us trying to have a baby before we are married.  Mostly, I just want to be able to turn up and tell them both that we are pregnant.  That’s the dream I have in my head.

I guess I will just have to think on it some more.


Thursday, March 4, 2010

A new beginning

I don’t know what it is about today, but it feels like the start of a new day!  I feel good, I feel at ease and I’ve put my first smiley face on the calendar.  Thanks Anita!

I feel unconcerned about the usual problems that hammer away at my head and soul.  They feel inconsequential.  I feel light.

So why I am writing about this in my conception blog?  It seems more appropriate to be writing it in my creating peaceful thoughts blog.

Because I think it is all because of my large progesterone number.  I think that seeing actual prove of my P4 going from 2.2 to 45 in just 6 days, gave me confidence and belief in the fact that I am ovulating.

The night before, I was going through all the tests results from the fertility clinic and saying to D that it didn’t make any sense.  There was nothing in there to indicate ovulation.  I had one P4 that was at 26, but that is just scraping in at the barrel.  I was annoyed, I was angry at the OB diagnosis that I was ovulating.  “Where is the indication of it?” I was saying. 

I looked back over my posts to match up dates with what I written about the appointments.  After my first appointment, she had me take 3 P4 tests at two day intervals.  It was from these that she first said I was ovulating.  There was only one result from those tests in the file and it was only a 13.  What was going on?

I realised that this one was probably the last of the 3 tests and perhaps the others were of a higher level.  “I must get the other results to see”  I thought.  “Surely they will make sense of this.”

I was disappointed with my OB.  She had done nothing for us, no help, no meds, nothing.  I was very grateful for the results of my HSG scan and D’s sperm analysis. I was very grateful at how completely willing she was, with no hesitation, giving me copies of all the results.  I didn’t even have to sign anything.  That was terrific.  I was also very grateful for the clear and more in depth explanations she gave us of her findings.  But no assistance.

Yet, on second thinking, it is probably a good thing.  The drugs that I would have been pumped with would have caused so many side affects and go so against our belief in staying away from artificial things.  We may yet have to go down that path, but for now I am happy to be still be trying naturally.  Especially now that we now know we are basically ok.

On insisting I have a second P4 test on Tuesday, so past the usual date for doing these things, our OB resurrected herself in my eyes!  Such wonderful instincts!  For that, I am SO SO SO SO SO SO grateful.  Ecstatic!!  Thank you, thank you!

Because now, as a result, I feel terrific.  I feel renewed.  I feel happy.  I feel clean.  I feel light.  I feel bright eyed.  I feel more confident.  Within my underlying self, I feel better than I have in many months!  Thank you 45.  My new favourite number!  Thank you OB and the fertility clinic.


Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Do you think something good has happened???!!  Yea, you maybe right!  :) 

I rang up the clinic today for the results of the Day 29 progesterone test I did yesterday.  The OB’s instincts were right!  This is going to be a longer cycle.   I have ovulated sometime over the last week.  The result was 45!  Biggest number I have ever had!  Last week on my Day 23 test, it was only 2.2.

As we thought we were past the ovulation phase and that my period was due on the weekend, we haven’t been tracking our bedroom activity.  So, I quickly thought back over the last week.  Gosh, I can’t remember.  I’ve just been enjoying, not tracking!!  LOL.  (oh, and if our child-to-be is reading this years from now and going “ooo yuck, Mum!”, just remember that you wouldn’t have got here without your Dad and I having a great time and loving each other!  It’s a happy, celebratory thing!)

I think we should be good.  D certainly thinks so!  Sooooo, we are back to the two week wait all over again!

I’m a little concerned that my cycle has suddenly become long again.  Perhaps it has something to do with the HSG scan.  I don’t know.  It certainly is possible.  That kind of treatment has to have an affect somehow.  But I am excited at such a high progesterone level!  Woohooo!

Whatever the reason, the missing test results are going to mailed to us, I have made an appointment with Queen Naturo and will get all sorted out once again.  QN is just so good though, that it was 4 weeks before I could get in!  Usually it is about two weeks, she is just super busy right now!  However, I am on the cancellation list and I know that she will call me if she can get me in earlier.  I don’t feel there is any hurry.  I’m feeling pretty good about things right now.

I found some interesting (at least to me!) info on progesterone and it’s role in the fertility cycle.  I’m going post on that tomorrow.

  I just can’t seem to resist putting up photos of our engagement day.  I will run out pretty soon, don’t worry!  :)  I’m just feeling so happy right now about us (A big smiley face, Anita!!)  and this photo really reflects that.  Shame about the sunnies, but a nice, happy photo just the same!


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Today’s Results!

I’m back from the fertility clinic.  D was able to come which was great.  I really wasn’t expecting him to be able to make it.  It is vintage here in the Australian wine industry so it can get busy and demanding for him.  I’m grateful that today was a light day.

The doctor was a lot more explanatory about things this appointment and talked about previous results with more detail than before.  It could have been because it was like an overall summary of everything that can and has been done before the IVF decision is needed.  Or it could have been because she had a medical student sitting in on the appointment.  If this was the case then I am very grateful!  It meant we got a clearer picture on things than we have in the past.


The HSG scan showed that my tubes are all clear – no blockages!  Good news.  The pain that I had was probably from muscle spasms.  The results said that my “…tubes were slow to opacify [which can be caused by spasming, so that makes sense] but with time, contrast was seen to enter the peritoneal cavity via both tubes...”  Contrast being the iodine and opacifying meaning that the tubes and uterine cavity looked white on the image from the flow of the dye.  In summary, both tubes were clear and the dye spilled right on through!

I asked her if the scan showed anything else and she said no.  Some research I came across said that scan can be used to show fibroids and endometriosis.  I did ask if it showed cysts or anything else and she simply referred back to my pelvic scan.



When she first got the results of D’s sperm analysis, she simply told me everything was fine.  Today, however, was more detailed.  Whether the fact that D was there this time made a difference as well, I don’t know.  However, she said that his sperm count and motility was good, but his morphology (sperm shape) was lower than average at 25% instead of the average 30%.  While she said that this is fine under normal circumstance, it could make a difference if we choose to do IVF.   

Her concern in regards to this, was combining it with the fact that I’m over 40.  Sigh.


She also gave me more information in regard to my pelvic scan from several months ago.  There was a follicle that shouldn’t have been there at that stage in my cycle.  She was unsure what it was about but believes that now that my cycle seems to have settled down and regulated a lot more, it is something we no longer need to worry about.

Of course, what was never mentioned was why my cycle has settled down over the last 6 months.  She is not even questioning it or wondering, which considering she hasn’t given me any medication, you would think she would be wanting to know why.  I wonder if in her head, she is even thinking about the fact that I am seeing Queen Naturo and it is her treatment that is working!!



My progesterone test from this cycle only 2.2, indicating that I haven’t ovulated this cycle.  This is a figure more likely seen in the follicular phase of the cycle, so she got me to take another P4 blood test for today.  She wants to determine whether I haven’t ovulated or whether I have ovulated late and may just end up having a long cycle this time around.

I’m due for my period on the weekend, so the results of the test will let us know what to do if my period hasn’t come by Monday.  Ovulated – wait another week to see.  Not ovulated – wait another week to see.  Oh yea, the same action either way!!  :)

All in all, she believes that I am ovulating enough to not warrant taking clomid - that it is normal for a woman my age to not ovulate every cycle.  She believes that the affects of clomid could actually disadvantage us at this stage.  I can’t remember everything she said, but something to do with clomid possibly causing problems with implantation.


This clinic doesn’t do IUI, so if we wanted to go down that path, we would have to go somewhere else.  She has given us information about IVF and sent us off to read it over and discuss what we want to do.

However, we are already decided.  We are going to continue with the natural path for the rest of the year.  Queen Naturo is ready to do the saliva tests again to see how much improvement there has been since she started treating me and to see where to go next with natural therapy.  I have a copy of most of the results from the clinic which I will take to QN for her to look at.

We both believe that by following this path, we will conceive.  So much has improved over the last few months with my statistics.  If by the end of the year we aren’t pregnant, we will look at it again.  Also by then, our years waiting period with our health fund will be over and we will be able to go into the private stream, with our choice of doctors and clinics.  And that’

s really important to us as well.

We know we don’t have a lot of time on our hands and the doctor was most encouraging that we start sooner than later.   But I really don’t want to go down the IVF path.  We truly believe in natural therapy and the 100% success rate from the natural therapy clinic.


We have achieved what we set out to do by going to the fertility clinic.  We know that we are basically okay and fertile.  There are no blockages, no abnormalities.  There is some concern over the regularity of my ovulation but she believes that I am ovulating.  D’s sperm morphology is slightly lower than the norm but also fine.  We are functioning!

Now we do all that we can in the natural medicine realm for the next few months.