6 weeks, 6 days

6 weeks, 5 days and still pregnant!  We hope...

We had a bit of scary drama on Friday night...

I had a bleed.  We thought - thats it, its all over. Turns out, its not.  Big deep breath out.

It was 9.30 pm.  We called the clinic straight away and were very thankful that it was our fertility doctor who was on call that weekend.  She talked us through a few things, including that a bleed doesn't necessarily mean a miscarriage and suggested we go to the hospital for a scan.

By 4 am we had finally left the hospital with no clear result but with hope that things were still ok.  The scan showed that there was a yolk sac, but no proof of life.  At 5 weeks, 5 days it was too early to know.

The clinic got us in for a scan on Monday and wow!!, they detected a fetal heartbeat!  They were quite clear before the scan that it was very unlikely they would detect one at 6 weeks, but sometimes it happened.  Really what they were looking for was signs of the yolk sac and a healthy uterus.  They found that as well.

The scan showed that no bleeding had occured from the uterus, the lining was good, the sac was good, everything looked as it should.  And of course, a heartbeat!

So they believe the bleeding came from the cervix.  With all the hormones I am taking, the cervix has been weakened.  And before the bleed, I had done some vaccuming and mopping, which could have been the issue.

After having another little issue a few days later when I did some more vaccuming, we know that this is the cause.  So, I've been ordered off housework.  With Dave in full swing of work, he just not have time to take up the slack, so we have to get a cleaner.  Its not financially good for us, but it might only be for a few weeks, until I stop taking hormones and the cervix gains some strength.

Since then, I have been brown spotting every day.  I do wish it would stop.  While its not scary because it is nothing fresh, it still leaves us with mild anxiety as we wait for everything to heal.

The other difficulty is in the depth of my exhaustion.  I've tried to keep up walking believing that would be helping, but I've been ordered of that as well for the next few weeks.  It is just more important that all my energy goes into growing our baby.

So, a scare, and a few resulting frustrations.  But, I can live it with it all knowing that is ensuring the continuation of our pregnancy and the health of our growing baby.

Tomorrow we go for a follow up scan to make sure things are still developing as they should.  We will both sigh a big relief if this one is also good.  Considering my daily nausea as well as tiredness and muscular stretching pains, I think the chances are good!

Scan update

We're back from our scan and all is looking good!  Thank goodness.  The baby is measuring a little small - the dating being about 6 days out.  But the OB is not worried and bubby has continued to grow since Monday's scan. 

It is all just amazing, but the MOST amazing thing was we were watching the incredible heartbeat - all 4 chambers clearly visible - and all of a sudden bubby starts kicking his/her legs and waving his/her arms, moving around so much!!!  It was incredible.  Dave and I both let out an "OH my god!!!!" and started laughing!

I don't think I've ever seen anything so wonderful!  And being able to see so much activity from our child was so reassuring.  Bubby is alive and active!

Now I have the headspace and heartspace to find my 'Trust' again. It's been so hard the last few days.  OB Chris has booked me in Monday week for another informal scan purely for my reassurance.  He is just fantastic!

When we left our appointment on Monday, I heard him ask the receptionist if Louise was in and I wondered if that was our fertility OB.  Was he going to consult with her??  And today, when he offered the extra scan, he said "after all you've been through, I'm happy to give you the reassurance".  I'm wondering if he has spoken to her about us and she filled him in on some of the hardships we have faced.

On the way home, Dave also told me that when I went to toilet on Monday during the appointment, he spoke to Chris alone and said that I do have anxiety problems and he wanted to make sure I was monitored consistently so I wasn't worrying.  Possibly part of the reason he offered the extra scan.  I love my husband!!  He is taking care of me so amazingly well.  And so will OB Chris.  Just one of the nicest, sincere men.  I am grateful.

Love and Light
xxx

Second Scan at 8 weeks

Our second scan and its still good news!  Dave has finally started letting himself feel excited about it now.  Things are progressing so well.

I was so nervous and anxious going into the scan.  Please let there still be a heartbeat, show me the heartbeat... and there it was!  Beating faster than last time, exactly as it should be, and bubby has grown beautifully.  This time he/she measured exactly as he/she should.  Pheww!!

Our OB is really pleased and the nurse actually put her hand on my knee and said "it looks like this one is going to go all the way".  Not something they would say lightly in a fertility clinic!

I didn't mention last week about the nausea that I felt which started Sunday night and didn't start easing until after the scan Monday night.  By Tuesday it was gone.  I assumed it was the start of morning sickness.  But I haven't felt that way since and there is only one possible reason for it - unconsciously I was sick with worry about our first scan.  I wasn't feeling it on the outside, but boy did my body manifest how I was feeling internally.  I couldn't eat all day Monday.  Dave made some soup for dinner and I was able to get some of that down, but I was so ill all day.  The OB asked me if I thought it was nerves.  I didn't know at the time.  But now I do.  I was ill with unconscious worry.  It's amazing how the body will manifest things even if we don't consciously know that we are feeling a certain way. 

So, aside from a few moments of feeling nauseus this week - in a different way than I felt on Monday - I have had no morning sickness at all.  No vomiting at all.  I am feeling quite blessed that I am one of the 25% of women that don't get it - so far at least!!  lol.   I had always been told that morning sickness was a good sign, so when I didn't get it, of course there was a little bit of concern.  But I asked Louise yesterday, and she said she didn't get it either.  That's it's all good. 

Thank goodness.  And I have to say, is I deserve a bit of a relief from something with all that I've gone through, particularly in the last 6 months.  Yea!!!

Dave took a video of the monitor showing our babies beating heart and we get photos in the mail next week.  So, we are now starting babies photo and video collection!  That's exciting!

I know we still have 5 weeks to go before we can feel safe and clear, but it feels really exciting now.  I'm starting to feel like this baby is a part of me and thats a good feeling.

I've had people telling me stories of women who miscarried at 12 weeks.  Why do they tell us things like that at this stage??  I know we are still at risk and so many things can go wrong, but I don't want to think that way.  This is an exciting time and I intend to try to bring only positive energy and good thoughts into my body and spirit.  All is going well!

Love and Light
xxx

A heartbeat!!

Yesterday we drove into the city, surprisingly quite relaxed considering we were about to find out whether we had a successful pregnancy or not.  After my kinesiology session though, I have been nothing but confident, so amazingly, for the most part, I wasn't worried.  At least on the surface!

It was amazing!!  The first thing the OB said was "there is the pregnancy!" and I was "where, where, where??!!"  And then she pointed out the heartbeat.  It was incredible.  Later she changed the scan view so we were able to see the heart beating in colour.  Just phenomenal.  To think something the size of a pea, has this amazing heartbeat.

We are so relieved and happy and we finally feel like we are really on our way to being parents.  We have to go back next week for another scan because bubby was positioned in such a way that Louise couldn't get a proper measurement and he seemed to be measuring too small for 7 weeks.  He was snuggled right up in the very corner of the sac.  But she is sure that it was just the angle because his heart is beating exactly as it should be for 7 weeks.

So, there is still a slight worry in my head about his sizing.  There always seems to be something!!!  But I'm taking the same approach as I've had for the last week.  Trust!  We have a heartbeat.  We have our baby growing away and snuggled into my body.

I am so relieved, and grateful.

Thank you everyone for all your prayers and support.  I know we still have a ways to go before we are safe, but right now, it feels wonderful!

Love and Light
xx