Here we go!

Day 1 today.  Here we go on Round 4!

I must admit to being extremely nervous this time around.  Mostly because Dave is not here.  He is away until the end of next week, so I am doing the first two weeks all by myself this time.  Injections, emotions, tiredness etc etc without his support.  I know he would rather be here with me, but he can't.  And I am scared.

I've gone through so much all ready this year.  It was good for a while to be able to grieve in my own space without him here, but after a while it became difficult to go through it all alone.  My friends have started calling me a "wine vintage widow".  It's been full on for him this season.  I've never seen it like this.  But hopefully all the hard work, the stress and hours on the road will pay off. 

I start this round with Day 2 blood tests tomorrow.  We are testing for the usual FSH, Prog, E2 to see how effective this round might be, but also for HCG just to make sure I'm not pregnant.  Not that is really any chance of that and the start of this period feels normal, not the like the last time when it turned out I was pregnant.

I go to the clinic tomorrow to pick up the drugs and we will sort out the rest of the dates.  I begin taking the puregon tomorrow.  This time, the OB has increased the dosage to 300 in the hope of getting a few more eggs, but not enough that I will get ovarian hyper stimulation - it's all such a fine balance!

Wish me luck!

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Today's photo - one of the fun ones!

The next step toward parenthood

Friday saw us back to the fertility clinic for our OB appointment.  It was the first time we have ever seen a real hopefulness from her!  She has always been very supportive and encouraging and has always maintained our own sense of hope, but she was always conservative in her own beliefs for our success.  My age, history and her own experience of woman in their 40's was the reason for her conservativeness.

Now however, things have changed - both for her and us.  In the last two weeks, she has had success with another woman in my age bracket and she is so excited about it!  That, along with my last two natural pregnancies has given her much cause for hope and she is doing everything she can to try to reach another good outcome!  She is just as eager as we are to find that one, or two!, good embryos.

That gives us even more hope!

While my insulin tests are still in the normal range, they are on the high end.  Always on the cutting edge, our OB has been involved in new research that has shown that high insulin can be a factor in miscarriages.  So, I have been put on a low dosage medication to bring my insulin levels down.  The only problem is that I think I may be suspectible to the one side effect she mentioned - gastro.  Yesterday was my first day on the meds and last night showed an inkling of that side effect.  We will see how things go!!

Everything is in place now for our next ICSI round to begin when I start my next cycle.  Dave hit the road this morning for a two week work trip, so I will have to inject myself for a little while.  If I don't start for another week (which I am guessing will probably be the case), he will be back in plenty of time for his part in the process.  Otherwise he will cut his work trip short, which would be a real pain in the neck for him.  Fingers crossed the timing all works out for the best.

I am looking forward to starting again.  I really am hopeful and, no matter what happens during the round, I love being pro-active in our journey toward parenthood.  I love knowing that we are being treated and monitored toward pregnancy, taking out the random chance that we have lived with for so long.  Bring it on!!

Life has continued to be better for me.  I am still feeling much more energized and my enthusiasm for life is still growing back to its normal state!  I am grateful to be on the healing side of the last two miscarriages.

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So, now for the wedding picture!  I loved this spot and found it through another bride who got married at our venue a few weeks before hand.  The wedding co-ordinator said it was roughly "over there somewhere!!", so a week before our wedding, I went to the national park next to the venue and hunted through until I found this location just a short 5 minute walk away from the gate.

Reenergized

The last two days things have been so much better.  My energy levels have returned and I have been eager to be active and physical.  My body has finally caught up to my headspace.  And I have to thank my amazing naturopath.

I had my appointment on Thursday.  I expected to come back with a stronger antidepressant.  But I didn't test positive for that at all.  Instead, I came out with only one thing.  NeuroCalm for nervous tension and anxiety.  And since I've been taking it, I have felt SO much better.  And after only have one day.

Kelly (naturopath) uses muscle testing to be sure on what it is that my body needs.  She came back into the office with a selection of things.

• In one of my recent blood tests, I had tested high for insulin.  On further testing everything was fine.  But I was still concerned.  She brought in a few different remedies for that issue.
• I told her which antidepressant had worked really well for me in the past.  
• She also brought in the NeuroCalm and and a few other odds and ends she wanted to try.

I was amazed when I tested negative for the antidepressant.  Really?!! How interesting.
I was totally relieved when I didn't need anything related to high insulin.  Kelly said that one of the things that can cause high insulin is stress.  And considering the stress tablets were the only ones I needed, well that just all makes sense.

I decided to also have a body composition analysis.  I had one on our honeymoon cruise which showed a very high water retention level.  I then went on the prescribed herbal remedies and changed a few things in my diet with the focus being on acid vs alkaline foods.  A month later my water retention has reduced by a third.  Great news!

On the other hand, my calculated age from all the other CBA tests was high.  Oh dear!  For some reason, that has turned into a big reality check, has confirmed fears that I have about my physical well being, and has been a cataylst for being able to move beyond compulsive eating.  Don't get me wrong, the CE is still there, but I don't want to be the physical age that the CBA showed.

One of the factors in the test is muscle mass, which for me was low.  With all that has gone on, I haven't done pilates or gone to the gym for a few months.  Fortunately I had already made my appointment for my pilates review and I start today.  That should help as well!

It is such a relief to moving beyond my time of grief and isolation.  I'm moving through my new cycle getting ready to start the next ICSI round and I will come at with greater health.  I am actively seeking things to do that are physically active.  I want to exert myself.  Whether it be gardening, weeding, exercising.  Which means at the same time, I am getting on top of some long awaited jobs!

I am grateful.

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I haven't put up any of our professional wedding photos yet.  So I thought I would finish each post with a photo of our joyful day!

IVF round two

Round Two was a long time ago now.  Back in August I think.  Once again there were complications.

After my first scan to check the progress of the follicular growth, it was discovered that I had a polyp on my uterine wall.  The clinic sent me off for a 3D scan to get a good look at it.

The waiting room for the 3D scan was filled with pregnant women with their young children running around their feet.  They were there to get a look at their new growing child.  I was there from complications with just trying to get one.  But the scan staff were fantastic, kind and caring and the experience went off without a hitch.

The polyp was confirmed and that meant that during my harvest surgery, they would remove it.  It also meant that any embryos would need to be frozen because they wouldn't be able to be put transfer them after the surgery to remove the polyp. 

The surgery turned out to be a little more complicated, because the polyp was embedded in the uterine wall.  Rather than tying it off and removing it, they had to cut into the wall and dig it out.  Yuck!!! 
And also my ovaries had decided to hide away and they had to push and prod them into place to get out the follicles.  Unfortunately, they weren't able to get them all.

We only got 6 eggs that round.  I think five of them fertilised, but only one grew to a size that was valid.  However, that one was a much better quality than the one we got last time.  So, it was frozen and is waiting for us to implant.

Our Round Three was going to just be a harvest.  We were going to freeze any embryos we got rather than implanting straight away.  The reasons were multiple. 
One, there is quite an argument now about whether it is better to freeze and implant into a natural cycle or put the fresh embryos into a stimulated cycle.  Many clinics are now exclusively doing the freeze and implant later. 
Second, I was really keen to do a harvest and freeze before we left for our honeymoon.  Every month that passes, is a month more aging of my eggs.  I so wanted to get some more and not let two more months pass.  So, that is another thing so dissappointing about our round three.  We weren't able to get any embryos.

My OB is on the fence with regards to natural versus frozen transfer.  However, with the other circumstances going on for us right now that would cause emotional stress which is not good for the success of a round, she agreed that it was best to freeze and implant in January.  With that not happening due to the complications of round three, we will probably do a full round including fresh transfer in January, rather than freeze.

Now, I am concerned about the timing of round 4.  It all depends on when my next period occurs.  They have predicted 10 - 14 days after the trigger injection.  Which means I could start my period after that during the Christmas/New Year week when they are closed.  That would just suck.  So when I go for my blood tests on Friday, I will talk them about all of that.  We still have the drugs, so it is possible we will be able to start ourselves for the first few days and see them straight away in the the New Year.  Or maybe we will just conceive naturally on our honeymoon cruise to New Zealand!!!  Now that would be awesome!!  And the timing could be right!

January will be a great month for me to do a round.  It will be the summer holidays, I will be totally relaxed and refreshed from our cruise and I will be stress free with no work until February.  Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out.

IVF round 3

The roller coaster ride has continued throughout our ivf rounds two and three.

This last round (round three) began with us saying to ourselves, that after round two, that we were due are nice and straight forward round.  Instead, what happened was we started the drugs, then found out I was pregnant, stopped the drugs, tried the support the pregnancy which was unsuccessful, then found out that my follicles were still growing, had to trigger them to release so I wouldn't develop any cysts on the ovaries, but weren't able to harvest them because my hormones were all mixed up with pregnancy hormones and progesterone hormones from trying to sustain pregnancy and excess eostrogen from starting the round and then we had to abstain from intimacy as there was a chance of multiple pregnancy from the follicles that were released.

In a nutshell.

How did it happen that we even started the cycle?   Well, I had a bleed.  It was unusual, but I still thought that it was a period.  My OB was away, she gave a phone approval for us to start and then we saw her a few days later when she returned.  After we started and I saw how my "period" continued, I was unsure about whether I had started taking the drugs on the right day.  I asked her about this and she questioned me on my "period" symptoms, she straight away sent me for a blood test.  She suspected it may have been a pregnancy - and my bleed was either a heavy implantation bleed, or maybe a pregnancy really not getting off the ground and my body was all confused.

She assured me I didn't need to worry about the injections I had taken so far.  If anything, they would have helped the pregnancy.  But she definitely didn't want me starting the second lot of drugs which I was due to start the next day.


I am SO glad I talked to her about what I thought was my period.  Otherwise we would have gone through the whole round oblivious to the pregnancy, spent thousands of dollars and gotten to theater possibly with no result or nothing viable.  The whole thing was totally screwed up.

Since then, I have had to go through multiple ovulation symptoms, my body preparing for a pregnancy and not succeeding, the emotions of the hormones as well as the emotions naturally caused by the circumstances.  The physical symptoms have been huge - all the way to completely erect, hard and painful nipples.  Boy, the things we have to go through.

The one thing I really don't understand is the Catch 22 of the follicles.  The clinic is doing the right thing and being cautious on both sides, but it is confusing and frustrating.  One one hand, the OB won't go to theatre and harvest because of the pregnancy hormones that will be putting everything off.  On the other hand, the follicles are still growing, need to be triggered to release and we have to abstain from intimacy because of the chance of multiple pregnancy.

I feel like there a half a dozen of my eggs just going to waste.  And that is so upsetting.
On the other hand, the last thing I want to do is be initimate.  My uterus and ovaries hurt too much to do anything.  I just couldn't deal with it!

So round three was a big flop.  So much for being due and nice and easy round.

The good thing is that we were given a full refund and will try again in January when we get back from our honeymoon.  And as for the honeymoon, we get to sit around the pool with alcoholic drinks rather than mocktails!  While I would rather be pregnant, I am looking forward to that!!!  :)

Holidays soon!

We are going holidays in a few weeks.  It’s the first time in nearly four years that we are having an actual ‘holiday’.  We have been away – to Sydney to visit family for Christmas or other events and to our property in the country – but not an actual, nothing else to do, stay in some strange place with nothing to do except what we want to do, and visit new things, holiday.  The last one was only three months into our relationship, can you believe it?! 

It will be so good for us.  Dave is already starting to stress about not being at work for that time, even though his Dad will be in town taking care of things.  He so needs to get away from the business for a while.  But there will still be a daily phone call in the afternoon to make sure things are running smoothly.  However for the first three days, we won’t have any phone reception!  Woohoo!!  He is excited about that.  We should have booked to stay there longer!   

Of course, if I turn out to have conceived this time around, then will be middle in an isolated area during the critical first few weeks.  And I will miss out on all the hill climbing bushwalking that I love to do.  But we will only be a couple of hours away from a doctor and who cares about the bushwalking and rockclimbing if I’m pregnant!  I’d much rather have that at this stage.

We are halfway through the two week wait.  Once again, I am getting the same sensations as last cycle, which were the same as when I was pregnant.  Our OB appointment isn’t till November.  That was the earliest we could get in.  So, it will be a while to find out what is going on.  Either that, or in a week’s time I will tell you I’m pregnant!   Who knows??!  Lets hope for the latter and then an uneventful relaxing holiday.

Day 1

It’s Day 1 today.  I’m still having those uncomfortable uterine pains which I relate to my last pregnancy, but upon googling others experiences of post-miscarriage PMS, it all seems fairly normal.

It can take 3-4 months for the body to return to normal.  Until then, the symptoms can often make you feel as though you may be pregnant again.  Which is exactly what I am experiencing.  It is quite different to my usual PMS and period pain.  For me, as with some other women who have written over the net, I am experiencing lower back pain, cramping which is more like a constant dull ache or stretching sensation, nausea, mild breast tenderness and tiredness.  All of which, can be symptoms of pregnancy!  It can all be so confusing!

Last cycle, I began experiencing these things right after ovulation.  This time, they started about a week ago, along with a mood change of feeling quite sad one morning, which is a common PMS thing for me. 

The positive thing is that this is a 30 day cycle.  Having always had irregular cycles - , they can be anything from 30 – 36 days - having a 30 day cycle is a good sign for me.  I still have the hope that having experienced a pregnancy, my body has been reminded on what it has to do and is making the changes already.

As for what to do next, I have had enough of waiting to get pregnant.  I’m getting in with the OB asap!

A Four Month Update.

It’s been 4 months nearly since my last post.  Hard to believe.  An update has been in order for a long time.  My desire to document our journey so that our children can read about it one day, if they wish, is still there. 

But our lack of success and our need to take a break from it all, saw me steer clear of all blogging of any kind.

Now, due to the summer break and some thoughtful emails and comments from some blogger friends, I find myself back here.  Thank you.

There isn’t a lot to report. 

Upon mutual agreement we stopped seeing Queen Naturo and King Acupunc for fertility treatments.  They, and we, felt that what could be done by them, had be done and I was so ready to stop for a while.  Therefore the next step is IVF.

I have a second naturopath I see from time to time who has helped with my hormones greatly over the years.  I went to see her first before deciding to see QN and KA.  So, I went back to her just because I had to try.  I don’t have my hopes up at all and its been nearly three months now.  So, this is telling time.  They always say it takes around three months for the herbs to really make visible changes.  I’m hopeful.  But I’m not holding my breath.

We are both really disappointed that the very thing that brought us together, helps up in so many other ways and that we both believe in wholeheartedly has not helped us to become pregnant.

I finally told my Mum.  She was good about it and while she would prefer that we were married first, she understands our decisions and supports us.  And is actually a bit excited for me, as it turns out!  The most significant discovery however, was that her and Dad went through the same thing, with the same problems. 
Obviously, I always knew that there are many years between my two older brothers and myself and many years between them, but I didn’t give it a lot of thought. 
Mum and Dad went through the same procedures D and I are.  The tests, the questions, all of it – with the same result.  Unexplained infertility.
Which most likely puts it on my side!  And I wonder if Mum had the same problem as I seem to have with a lack of ovulation…

The last three cycles, I have tested for ovulation in THREE ways – basal, saliva and urine testing.  There has been no sign of ovulation with any of them.  You would think that if I was ovulating, ONE of them would indicate it.  I really wish the fertility clinic had just given me the clomid and been done with it.  But they wouldn’t because the blood tests indicated that I was ovulating.

However, our waiting period for the private hospital cover has completed now and we are able to go through the private system picking out our own OB.  We have a name a friend and nurse recommended, and when the time is right, this is the way we will have to go.

However, my mother is still in hospital after having surgery for bowel cancer.  She went in the week before Christmas and hasn’t been able to come home.  While the surgery went well and they believe they have gotten all of the cancer, there have been post-operative complications.  Physically, she is recovering very well.

But she has had a reaction to either anaesthesia or the medication she was given and is suffering from confusion and delusions.  It has been a very traumatic time for her, and for us, and we don’t know how long it will last.  As a result of this, she is also unable to handle the stoma she needed to have in order to allow her bowel to rest and heal. 
Dad doesn’t cope without her. They are both 80 years old.  He suffers from depression and, on one hand is handling it well, and on another hand is a mess.

So, there is no way that I can possibly face going through IVF until my parents are well.  It is hard enough being on holidays and dealing with it all, let alone back at work, supporting my parents and handling IVF treatments.

So, everything is hold for now.

Making room for bubs (and updating!)

 

Hi all!  Sorry I haven't been around much or kept up blogging - both posting and commenting.  There just doesn't seemed to have been time in my head for it!  But I have really appreciated the comments I have received and have enjoyed quick catch ups on your blogs to see how things are going for you.

One of the reasons that there has been no time, is that we have been tackling some major projects around the home - clutter clearing, organising, building, gardening - all outdoor projects which is an area we haven't tackled since D moved in.  See my other blog - Creating Peaceful Thoughts- for all the details!

The clutter clearing and building in particular, held a lot of significance for me in regards to our conception journey, because I saw it as clearing away lots of rubbish in order to make room for bringing a new life into our home and lives.  And the building of a work area in the carport was like adding a new room to our home and saw us becoming more efficient both inside and outside the home with more clutter clearing, organising and creating of space.

The process is continuing with much more still to do.  And each step forward always signifies to me, more space in our lives for bubs to come in.

That was one of the really positive things that has happened and is still happening!

This, plus so many other little signs last cycle though, made me really hopeful about a positive result.  I was sure that we were finally going to conceive.  So, when my new cycle began, I was so upset.  It was the first time I have really truly cried over a new cycle.  And it occurred just as we were about to go away for the weekend and with visitors!  Oh dear.  Somehow, with D's help and support, I managed to get through that little episode secretly with our visitors none the wiser, and a wonderful weekend away!

However, the positive thing in this new cycle is that the length was back down to 30 days.  I haven't had a 30 day cycle since before we started trying a year and a half ago.  It always takes around 3 months for new naturopathic meds to really kick into the system and it has now been that long since Queen Naturo put me on new hormones. 

I truly believe that my system is balanced so much better and more ready to conceive - a 30 day cycle is awesome for me.  A few weeks ago I was all ready to go see my other naturopath for a second opinion (who I haven't seen at all since the journey began), but this has brought my belief back again to the awesome duo that I have my faith in.

It also means that I once again, have such hopes for this cycle.  A blessing and a curse all at once!!

More updates:

**  King Acupunc has become more gungho about getting us pregnant after going to yet another fertility workshop.  He came away equipped with more ideas, more specific points to needle me, and with lots of charts for me to fill in!  I appreciate this passion he has to ensure results and hope it works!

**  Mr. Ayuveda is continuing to help me, this time working with my own feelings and instincts on what is going on for me.  Every now and then I turn up at his door with such a clear image on what is wrong and when it is that strong he is able to get a clearer picture himself on what is needed.

This week was all about helping my soul to find my body.  I have been feeling so strongly that I am living outside of my body, up in my head.  And I think it has been this way for a long time, which is a big reason for my struggles with weight and food addiction.  Before I saw him, I managed for split seconds every now and then to be able to become grounded in myself.  And every time I did, for that split second, the food cravings would disappear completely.

Now, after his session, I am able to ground myself and feel centered for longer periods, which is really helping with healthy eating and feeling more peaceful.  Which in turn, will help us conceive, I'm sure!

The wait is over

Well, the two week wait is over and the test was negative.  Four days later my new cycle started.  I couldn't wait for it to begin, so I could enjoy a glass of wine!  I still wasn't going to drink just in case the test was wrong.  But Wednesday came and Wednesday night the sound of a bottle cracking open was enjoyed by my ears for the first time in over a month!

I was feeling hopeful about this cycle for a few days.  I went to my weekly acupuncture appointment and when he felt my pulse he said there was something different about it.  Apparently, a pre-menstrual pulse feels different to a conceived pulse, and mine felt different than usual to him.  He wasn't committing to anything of course, but he told me to wait a couple of days and then do a test.  Which is what I did.  Lucky he didn't commit to anything!!

 

 

On Wednesday, I also had my appointment with my ayuvedic masseuse.  It was another good appointment.  A lot of what he did last time had held in my body and he was really pleased especially to see that my hips had stayed open and I was laying flat on the table, not slightly out of alignment.  This is an important one for fertility so I was really pleased to have maintained that. 

My energy had also stayed in alignment and my balance was good.  As a result, he was able to look further into my body.  According to him, my uterus was inflamed so he  worked on that.  I did ask him how much that could be because I was on Day 1.  And while that does affect it, it was not the sole reason.

He doesn't think I am far off being able to conceive.  I see him again in a month.  Every little bit helps.  But I am hoping that his work with him will make a big difference.

I go for acupuncture again today plus a painful massage treatment!  I put my back out last week, so I made the appointment longer to get some treatment on it.  It feels almost better now so this last treatment should do the trick!

Of course I am disappointed to be starting another cycle but it just seems to be part of the course of life now and I'm moving on.  Had we conceived this time though, we would have been able to announce our pregnancy at our engagement party in 2 months time!  That would have been fun!  Nevermind.  On to the next!

Red wine rules!

My mid-morning my new cycle had begun and along with it came anger.  I was so angry that my period had hung off just long enough for enough for us to have those three hopeful minutes waiting for the pregnancy test.

I'm still a bit angry but thankfully that emotion is  slowly dissipating.  I'm so frustrated.  I don't know what to do or how to feel.  The logical brain says everything is as it should be, live in the moment, blah, blah, blah.  The other side of brain wants to scream and yell and say WTF!!!  Any infertility diagnosis is terrible.   Unexplained infertility is exasperating.

Nothing like being able to enjoy a glass of red wine though.  I miss red wine.  Most of the time I don't think about.  It's been a long time now not drinking except for the first few days of my cycle.  But every now and then, particularly when socializing, I miss it greatly.  So, tonight I get to indulge that favourite pastime.  It's a good glass of red from D's cold room at his work.  Just divine!

Holding My Breath

It's Day 38 and I'm holding my breath.  I'm finding myself going to the toilet more often just to check!  Each day that passes gets us a little more hopeful.  D's mum has been with us the last few days so we've been waiting to do a pregnancy test.  She left yesterday and we got the test today.  If all stays as it is, then we will do the test tomorrow morning.  Eeeek!

I'm not sure how I am feeling.  Lots of emotions really, depending on the moment.  I'm eager to do the test, yet I am also happy to wait.  Each hour, each day that passes with no period is a good thing.  Doing the test and having a BPN will break the spell.  But a BFP...  well, just smiles all around!!  And then off to the doctors for confirmation, then to the naturopath for a change of herbs, the acupuncturist to make sure the pregnancy holds.

Oh dear.  Until tomorrow...

Options

D and I have just been made aware of a natural fertility clinic in our area.  I had never heard of it!  I am excited to know that there is somewhere else we can go for a second natural opinion if we choose to.  My belief in a natural solution is still strong and until the end of the year, it is the path that we are staying on. 

I haven’t been back to the fertility clinic since we were presented with the IVF booklet and the choice to take this path.  However, once our health fund waiting period is over at the end of the year, then if we still aren’t pregnant, we will start the roller coaster IVF path but with a different clinic.  Once the waiting period is over we will be able to choose our OBGYN, not simply take whoever we are given in the public system.  We were also told about a wonderfully successful clinic in Melbourne and wonder if we may choose to go interstate to do IVF.  It would be difficult but by the sounds of their results, highly worthwhile.

Anyway, that is several months away yet and may not even be needed. (fingers crossed)

I will need to get over my feelings of disloyalty to Queen Naturo and King Acupunc if we choose to get a second opinion at the natural fertility clinic.  These two people are more than just our naturopath and acupuncturist, over the last few years they have become friends.  I have the utmost faith in them and and feel thoroughly nurtured and taken care of in their care. 

However, I am also 41 years old and have been trying to conceive for about 14 months now.  I am wondering if this is working.  I need to look at any option available.

I am in the last week of the two week wait.  Any decisions will wait until I know one way or the other for this cycle.

I plan on returning to acupuncture treatments next cycle.  It will be two cycles that I have taken a break on this and I am ready to return to it again. 

Test Results

I’m really please with my test results today.  In all but one area, excellent improvements all around.  And the one area where there was no change, has given us a focus on what we need to work on.  I feel really encouraged by this!  I’m glad that so much has improved.  And I’m glad to know where the problem is and that there are solutions.

My homocysteine levels have improved dramatically!  They are now the best results she has ever seen.  If your homocysteine levels are too high there is a risk of miscarriage and down syndrome, so it was very important to get these levels down!  Queen Naturo would have been happy if these levels had dropped to around 7.  But mine are at a specy 5.5 (range 5.0 – 15.0)!

My testosterone levels have also improved, going from 156 pmol/L down to 121 (range 24-137).  She is happy with this!

My progesterone levels were okay, she said and did increase in the second test 2 days later.  A good sign!  But they need to be better and will be, once my oestradiol (oestrogen) levels are fixed.  This is where the problems lays.  Progesterone levels will improve once my oestradiol improves, so Queen Naturo is now no longer worried about the P4.

My E2 levels were the same as they were 9 months ago – at 2 pmol/L.  (Range – 6-14).  They are way too low which indicate that, at least for last month, I didn’t ovulate.  Oestrogen is what drives the release of the egg.  Without it, no ovulation.

I am actually really happy with this.  I was worried that the results would be fine and it would all be a big mystery, just as it was at the fertility clinic.  But instead, we have some focus.  We have an area that isn’t working and we have treatments to get it working!

I started taking progesterone tablets just a couple of weeks ago.  These will help me hold a conception.
And now I will begin taking tablets to help increase the E2 levels and encourage ovulation.

The two together should do the trick!  Fingers crossed!



On another medical note, my arthritis has flared up hugely this week.  Worse ever.  Both King Acupunc and Queen Naturo believe the weather is a large factor.  It has turned cold and wet here this week.  She has recommended some new tabs for me to take.  However, I haven’t been able to find them in store.  They are a new release to the over the counter market. One chemist, though, was able to give me the name and number of the agent that supplies them.  So, a phone call to her will in order tomorrow.  In the meantime, I have some cream – Traumeel – to rub into the joints.

I’m feeling so much more positive and hopeful now than I was yesterday!

Homocysteine – 5.5 umol/L (range 5.0 – 15.0)

Oestradiol (E2) - 2 pmol/L.  (Range – 6-14)
Progesterone (P4) – 306 pmol/L increasing to 407 2 days later (Range 140-520)
Testosterone – 121 pmol/L (range 24-137)

The rest of the results

The rest of my test results arrived from the fertility clinic.  Well, almost the rest.  Missing, were the results of my pelvic scan.  But I think I will let that go.  The most important ones to come in were my progesterone tests and D’s sperm analysis.

And now I am smiling big!  Because I was right about the progesterone tests.  The two that were missing DID show I was ovulating!!  Woohooo!!  A 43 on Day 23 and a 40 on Day 26!!  Yea!

I went prancing around the house dancing and laughing - “My ovaries are working, little eggs are coming down!”.  D just watched me and laughed at my silliness!!  :)

It was such a relief after being so worried for so many months about whether I was ovulating or not!!  Big smiles all around.

I am yet to research up on D’s results but will at some stage just for my own understanding of it all.  However, upon mentioning the morphology to King Acupunc, he said “no worries, I have just the thing!”.  Well, of course he does.  They both always have a herbal solution to every problem.  We have seen the results of it time and time again!  Ya just gotta love natural medicine!  Brilliant!

There was one little hiccup with things yesterday.

My mum came around to spend some time together and help out with a few things.  She brought the mail in.  Yes, the fertility clinic letter!  Woopsiee.  It didn’t say fertility clinic, just the hospital and O and G department.  I mean I could be G’ing, but not O’ing!! 

I wasn’t sure if she saw it, because it was mixed up with the junk mail.  But later she was sitting down quietly and gently asked me why I had given up alcohol.  Keep in mind, I gave up about 9 months ago, and up until now, she has been perfectly happy with the fact that it was just to cut back!

In a matter of a split second, I debated telling her or not.  But I really don’t want to yet.  So, I came out with “I haven’t given up completely”.  And left it at that.  Which is true, because every time I get a period, I still enjoy a glass or two of my favourite red wine.  I didn’t actually answer her question.  Later, on our way back from Curves, she mentioned my niece and her fiance discussing having children and I wondered again, if she had seen anything.

I think she is a bit confused about us.  I think she is very disappointed that we are not rushing on into our engagement party and wedding.  I wonder if I should sit her down and talk to her about what we are doing.  D has suggested that it may be a good idea.  I don’t know. 

I still don’t want the questions every time I see her – are we pregnant yet, how is it going.  I don’t know how she would feel about us trying to have a baby before we are married.  Mostly, I just want to be able to turn up and tell them both that we are pregnant.  That’s the dream I have in my head.

I guess I will just have to think on it some more.

A new beginning

I don’t know what it is about today, but it feels like the start of a new day!  I feel good, I feel at ease and I’ve put my first smiley face on the calendar.  Thanks Anita!

I feel unconcerned about the usual problems that hammer away at my head and soul.  They feel inconsequential.  I feel light.

So why I am writing about this in my conception blog?  It seems more appropriate to be writing it in my creating peaceful thoughts blog.

Because I think it is all because of my large progesterone number.  I think that seeing actual prove of my P4 going from 2.2 to 45 in just 6 days, gave me confidence and belief in the fact that I am ovulating.

The night before, I was going through all the tests results from the fertility clinic and saying to D that it didn’t make any sense.  There was nothing in there to indicate ovulation.  I had one P4 that was at 26, but that is just scraping in at the barrel.  I was annoyed, I was angry at the OB diagnosis that I was ovulating.  “Where is the indication of it?” I was saying. 

I looked back over my posts to match up dates with what I written about the appointments.  After my first appointment, she had me take 3 P4 tests at two day intervals.  It was from these that she first said I was ovulating.  There was only one result from those tests in the file and it was only a 13.  What was going on?

I realised that this one was probably the last of the 3 tests and perhaps the others were of a higher level.  “I must get the other results to see”  I thought.  “Surely they will make sense of this.”

I was disappointed with my OB.  She had done nothing for us, no help, no meds, nothing.  I was very grateful for the results of my HSG scan and D’s sperm analysis. I was very grateful at how completely willing she was, with no hesitation, giving me copies of all the results.  I didn’t even have to sign anything.  That was terrific.  I was also very grateful for the clear and more in depth explanations she gave us of her findings.  But no assistance.

Yet, on second thinking, it is probably a good thing.  The drugs that I would have been pumped with would have caused so many side affects and go so against our belief in staying away from artificial things.  We may yet have to go down that path, but for now I am happy to be still be trying naturally.  Especially now that we now know we are basically ok.

On insisting I have a second P4 test on Tuesday, so past the usual date for doing these things, our OB resurrected herself in my eyes!  Such wonderful instincts!  For that, I am SO SO SO SO SO SO grateful.  Ecstatic!!  Thank you, thank you!

Because now, as a result, I feel terrific.  I feel renewed.  I feel happy.  I feel clean.  I feel light.  I feel bright eyed.  I feel more confident.  Within my underlying self, I feel better than I have in many months!  Thank you 45.  My new favourite number!  Thank you OB and the fertility clinic.

Yeeaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

Do you think something good has happened???!!  Yea, you maybe right!  :) 

I rang up the clinic today for the results of the Day 29 progesterone test I did yesterday.  The OB’s instincts were right!  This is going to be a longer cycle.   I have ovulated sometime over the last week.  The result was 45!  Biggest number I have ever had!  Last week on my Day 23 test, it was only 2.2.

As we thought we were past the ovulation phase and that my period was due on the weekend, we haven’t been tracking our bedroom activity.  So, I quickly thought back over the last week.  Gosh, I can’t remember.  I’ve just been enjoying, not tracking!!  LOL.  (oh, and if our child-to-be is reading this years from now and going “ooo yuck, Mum!”, just remember that you wouldn’t have got here without your Dad and I having a great time and loving each other!  It’s a happy, celebratory thing!)

I think we should be good.  D certainly thinks so!  Sooooo, we are back to the two week wait all over again!

I’m a little concerned that my cycle has suddenly become long again.  Perhaps it has something to do with the HSG scan.  I don’t know.  It certainly is possible.  That kind of treatment has to have an affect somehow.  But I am excited at such a high progesterone level!  Woohooo!

Whatever the reason, the missing test results are going to mailed to us, I have made an appointment with Queen Naturo and will get all sorted out once again.  QN is just so good though, that it was 4 weeks before I could get in!  Usually it is about two weeks, she is just super busy right now!  However, I am on the cancellation list and I know that she will call me if she can get me in earlier.  I don’t feel there is any hurry.  I’m feeling pretty good about things right now.

I found some interesting (at least to me!) info on progesterone and it’s role in the fertility cycle.  I’m going post on that tomorrow.


Photo:  I just can’t seem to resist putting up photos of our engagement day.  I will run out pretty soon, don’t worry!  :)  I’m just feeling so happy right now about us (A big smiley face, Anita!!)  and this photo really reflects that.  Shame about the sunnies, but a nice, happy photo just the same!

Today’s Results!

I’m back from the fertility clinic.  D was able to come which was great.  I really wasn’t expecting him to be able to make it.  It is vintage here in the Australian wine industry so it can get busy and demanding for him.  I’m grateful that today was a light day.

The doctor was a lot more explanatory about things this appointment and talked about previous results with more detail than before.  It could have been because it was like an overall summary of everything that can and has been done before the IVF decision is needed.  Or it could have been because she had a medical student sitting in on the appointment.  If this was the case then I am very grateful!  It meant we got a clearer picture on things than we have in the past.

HSG SCAN

The HSG scan showed that my tubes are all clear – no blockages!  Good news.  The pain that I had was probably from muscle spasms.  The results said that my “…tubes were slow to opacify [which can be caused by spasming, so that makes sense] but with time, contrast was seen to enter the peritoneal cavity via both tubes...”  Contrast being the iodine and opacifying meaning that the tubes and uterine cavity looked white on the image from the flow of the dye.  In summary, both tubes were clear and the dye spilled right on through!

I asked her if the scan showed anything else and she said no.  Some research I came across said that scan can be used to show fibroids and endometriosis.  I did ask if it showed cysts or anything else and she simply referred back to my pelvic scan.

 

SPERM ANALYSIS

When she first got the results of D’s sperm analysis, she simply told me everything was fine.  Today, however, was more detailed.  Whether the fact that D was there this time made a difference as well, I don’t know.  However, she said that his sperm count and motility was good, but his morphology (sperm shape) was lower than average at 25% instead of the average 30%.  While she said that this is fine under normal circumstance, it could make a difference if we choose to do IVF.   

Her concern in regards to this, was combining it with the fact that I’m over 40.  Sigh.

PELVIC SCAN

She also gave me more information in regard to my pelvic scan from several months ago.  There was a follicle that shouldn’t have been there at that stage in my cycle.  She was unsure what it was about but believes that now that my cycle seems to have settled down and regulated a lot more, it is something we no longer need to worry about.

Of course, what was never mentioned was why my cycle has settled down over the last 6 months.  She is not even questioning it or wondering, which considering she hasn’t given me any medication, you would think she would be wanting to know why.  I wonder if in her head, she is even thinking about the fact that I am seeing Queen Naturo and it is her treatment that is working!!

 

OVULATION

My progesterone test from this cycle only 2.2, indicating that I haven’t ovulated this cycle.  This is a figure more likely seen in the follicular phase of the cycle, so she got me to take another P4 blood test for today.  She wants to determine whether I haven’t ovulated or whether I have ovulated late and may just end up having a long cycle this time around.

I’m due for my period on the weekend, so the results of the test will let us know what to do if my period hasn’t come by Monday.  Ovulated – wait another week to see.  Not ovulated – wait another week to see.  Oh yea, the same action either way!!  :)

All in all, she believes that I am ovulating enough to not warrant taking clomid - that it is normal for a woman my age to not ovulate every cycle.  She believes that the affects of clomid could actually disadvantage us at this stage.  I can’t remember everything she said, but something to do with clomid possibly causing problems with implantation.

NOW WHAT?

This clinic doesn’t do IUI, so if we wanted to go down that path, we would have to go somewhere else.  She has given us information about IVF and sent us off to read it over and discuss what we want to do.

However, we are already decided.  We are going to continue with the natural path for the rest of the year.  Queen Naturo is ready to do the saliva tests again to see how much improvement there has been since she started treating me and to see where to go next with natural therapy.  I have a copy of most of the results from the clinic which I will take to QN for her to look at.

We both believe that by following this path, we will conceive.  So much has improved over the last few months with my statistics.  If by the end of the year we aren’t pregnant, we will look at it again.  Also by then, our years waiting period with our health fund will be over and we will be able to go into the private stream, with our choice of doctors and clinics.  And that’

s really important to us as well.

We know we don’t have a lot of time on our hands and the doctor was most encouraging that we start sooner than later.   But I really don’t want to go down the IVF path.  We truly believe in natural therapy and the 100% success rate from the natural therapy clinic.

CONCLUSION

We have achieved what we set out to do by going to the fertility clinic.  We know that we are basically okay and fertile.  There are no blockages, no abnormalities.  There is some concern over the regularity of my ovulation but she believes that I am ovulating.  D’s sperm morphology is slightly lower than the norm but also fine.  We are functioning!

Now we do all that we can in the natural medicine realm for the next few months. 

 

Finally.

I have been trying to write a post all week.  I make a start and then have to do something else.  It just hasn’t happened.

This week has been super super busy.  We had a visiting artist from overseas giving masterclasses and a recital.  Every night after work I have travelled into the city.  I’m a little tired!

But now it is Friday night, D is away for work and I have the house to myself.

So to catch up…

As you know, I haven’t been tracking this cycle.  I was/am just over the whole tracking ovulation thing and just wanted to chill out this time around.  The timing was perfect as it turned out.  I had my HSG Scan, we got engaged and I started work again.  There just hasn’t been time!

Yet, after I hit the time after ovulation, I suddenly found myself in the two week wait.  “Will I be pregnant?  I have to wait two weeks to find out?  It’s such a long time.”

I was so surprised to enter this phase! I didn’t expect it. It only lasted for a few days though and now I am back to the normal ‘go with the flow’ me.  In fact, after today’s acupuncture appointment, I think it would be a good idea to have a menstrual cycle – post HSG scan.

King Acupunc warned me that the period after an HSG scan may be heavier and different to usual.  If there has been anything flushed out of my tubes, it will make it’s way out during this time.  Not a nice thought! 

Has anyone had any experience with this?

What is a nice thought, is to have a completely cleansed uterus.  So, it would be a blessing to go through another cycle in order to achieve this. 

I’m Day 25 now, so going on a 31-33 Day cycle, it’s still a week to go before we find out whether we are happily and wondrously pregnant or thoroughly cleansed!

Day 34

Day 34.  I haven’t had a Day 34 since July last year.  Still no period.  And a negative pregnancy result.  Also a lot more pain. 

Without a positive pregnancy result, I’m a bit at a loss.  It could be muscular from the gym I guess, but I have never pulled a muscle at Curves before.  Although I did go back on Curves Smart last week and worked quite a bit harder on Saturday.  But why a delay before the pain appears?  A little unusual.

It  does say on the pregnancy home test that it doesn’t work for everyone and considering that Maybe Baby never really worked for me, maybe I’m just one of the strange ones!  Quite likely!  lol  :)  :)

My doctors appointment is on Friday, so plenty more time for my period to begin or not.  And also plenty of time for possible strained muscles to heal.

I don’t feel any need this morning to go to emergency, although I was considering it last night.  ‘Twas not good.  But this morning, I can breathe a little easier and it doesn’t hurt so much when I press down.

D slept in the spare room after our 2 am sit up - for both of us.  I was able to move around more freely and be restless without disturbing him or trying to be quiet and he was ensured a decent sleep before heading off to work today.  If I needed him, he would have easily heard me and been there for me.

So now it’s a waiting game.  Period to arrive / muscles to heal??  I am thankful to still be on school holidays and not have to deal with this at work.  I recorded some new season TV shows last night, so I may just chill out and watch them this morning.

Thanks for listening. 

And to our little one to be.  If this is because I am newly pregnant with you – then you are absolutely, without doubt, worth every little bit of pain and I so hope that it is because we are pregnant with you.

 

 

                                       Katie Lee Photography