A Four Month Update.

It’s been 4 months nearly since my last post.  Hard to believe.  An update has been in order for a long time.  My desire to document our journey so that our children can read about it one day, if they wish, is still there. 

But our lack of success and our need to take a break from it all, saw me steer clear of all blogging of any kind.

Now, due to the summer break and some thoughtful emails and comments from some blogger friends, I find myself back here.  Thank you.

There isn’t a lot to report. 

Upon mutual agreement we stopped seeing Queen Naturo and King Acupunc for fertility treatments.  They, and we, felt that what could be done by them, had be done and I was so ready to stop for a while.  Therefore the next step is IVF.

I have a second naturopath I see from time to time who has helped with my hormones greatly over the years.  I went to see her first before deciding to see QN and KA.  So, I went back to her just because I had to try.  I don’t have my hopes up at all and its been nearly three months now.  So, this is telling time.  They always say it takes around three months for the herbs to really make visible changes.  I’m hopeful.  But I’m not holding my breath.

We are both really disappointed that the very thing that brought us together, helps up in so many other ways and that we both believe in wholeheartedly has not helped us to become pregnant.

I finally told my Mum.  She was good about it and while she would prefer that we were married first, she understands our decisions and supports us.  And is actually a bit excited for me, as it turns out!  The most significant discovery however, was that her and Dad went through the same thing, with the same problems. 
Obviously, I always knew that there are many years between my two older brothers and myself and many years between them, but I didn’t give it a lot of thought. 
Mum and Dad went through the same procedures D and I are.  The tests, the questions, all of it – with the same result.  Unexplained infertility.
Which most likely puts it on my side!  And I wonder if Mum had the same problem as I seem to have with a lack of ovulation…

The last three cycles, I have tested for ovulation in THREE ways – basal, saliva and urine testing.  There has been no sign of ovulation with any of them.  You would think that if I was ovulating, ONE of them would indicate it.  I really wish the fertility clinic had just given me the clomid and been done with it.  But they wouldn’t because the blood tests indicated that I was ovulating.

However, our waiting period for the private hospital cover has completed now and we are able to go through the private system picking out our own OB.  We have a name a friend and nurse recommended, and when the time is right, this is the way we will have to go.

However, my mother is still in hospital after having surgery for bowel cancer.  She went in the week before Christmas and hasn’t been able to come home.  While the surgery went well and they believe they have gotten all of the cancer, there have been post-operative complications.  Physically, she is recovering very well.

But she has had a reaction to either anaesthesia or the medication she was given and is suffering from confusion and delusions.  It has been a very traumatic time for her, and for us, and we don’t know how long it will last.  As a result of this, she is also unable to handle the stoma she needed to have in order to allow her bowel to rest and heal. 
Dad doesn’t cope without her. They are both 80 years old.  He suffers from depression and, on one hand is handling it well, and on another hand is a mess.

So, there is no way that I can possibly face going through IVF until my parents are well.  It is hard enough being on holidays and dealing with it all, let alone back at work, supporting my parents and handling IVF treatments.

So, everything is hold for now.

Day 34

Day 34.  I haven’t had a Day 34 since July last year.  Still no period.  And a negative pregnancy result.  Also a lot more pain. 

Without a positive pregnancy result, I’m a bit at a loss.  It could be muscular from the gym I guess, but I have never pulled a muscle at Curves before.  Although I did go back on Curves Smart last week and worked quite a bit harder on Saturday.  But why a delay before the pain appears?  A little unusual.

It  does say on the pregnancy home test that it doesn’t work for everyone and considering that Maybe Baby never really worked for me, maybe I’m just one of the strange ones!  Quite likely!  lol  :)  :)

My doctors appointment is on Friday, so plenty more time for my period to begin or not.  And also plenty of time for possible strained muscles to heal.

I don’t feel any need this morning to go to emergency, although I was considering it last night.  ‘Twas not good.  But this morning, I can breathe a little easier and it doesn’t hurt so much when I press down.

D slept in the spare room after our 2 am sit up - for both of us.  I was able to move around more freely and be restless without disturbing him or trying to be quiet and he was ensured a decent sleep before heading off to work today.  If I needed him, he would have easily heard me and been there for me.

So now it’s a waiting game.  Period to arrive / muscles to heal??  I am thankful to still be on school holidays and not have to deal with this at work.  I recorded some new season TV shows last night, so I may just chill out and watch them this morning.

Thanks for listening. 

And to our little one to be.  If this is because I am newly pregnant with you – then you are absolutely, without doubt, worth every little bit of pain and I so hope that it is because we are pregnant with you.

 

 

                                       Katie Lee Photography

Ovulation Testing

 

 

 

 

This week I have added measuring my basal body temperature to the morning routine.

We have been using Maybe Baby for the last few months to help us determine ovulation time.  It seemed like the best way to do it – through saliva testing.  Maybe Baby tells you exactly when you are ovulating through examining saliva in a mini microscope.  Whereas with basal testing, the indications of ovulation, through the changes in ones basal body temperature, occur AFTER ovulation.

So we went with Maybe Baby as a more reliable method.  However, it just doesn’t seem to be working for me.  According to the GYN, I am ovulating now.  But Maybe Baby is not telling us that.  We get vague signs of it from time to time but nothing concrete.

So, I went and bought a basal thermometer.  So far, so good.  It’s only been a week and it will take 3 months to really track my temperature changes.  But using it in conjunction with Maybe Baby is proving to be a positive thing.

The only other option is urine testing.  But the tests are SO expensive and you get maybe 7 tests in a kit.  So you have to already be very sure on when ovulation may be occurring and then hope that you got it right.  It may be a more accurate method in the actual testing for ovulation, but definitely not for the timing of when to take the tests – not to mention the extreme cost!

Of course, blood tests are the best way to see if you have ovulated.  Not helpful for the timing of creating life, but reassuring to know afterwards that you have ovulated!  My blood tests take place on Day 23 of each cycle, which will be next week.  With the hoohaa of Christmas and New Year I missed doing it all last cycle, so I will have to postpone my fertility clinic appointment for a month.  Unless of course, we get pregnant this cycle.  Then I won’t have to go have the next ultrasound of injecting dye into my womb to look at my fallopion tubes.  Wouldn’t that be good!!!!  :):)

 

I feel more positive about ovulating this month.  Signs that I recognise as ovulation in my body have been occurring.  I haven’t had these for several months now, so positivity and hopefulness is increasing.

Is that a good thing?  I don’t know.  I was so upset last month.  But I just can’t help being positive and hopeful.  It’s in my nature.  It’s like not jumping into love, cause you are afraid you will get hurt.  You just do it!!  And this is the same.  I can’t stop being excited about the possibility of becoming pregnant just because it might not happen!  In with both feet!!!

Fertility Clinic results

I had my second appointment with the GYN this week.   The results are all good. 

• All my hormones were where they should be,
• D’s results were good,
• I have a high egg count for my age,
• my scan was mostly good with some strange follicle/cyst behaviour that doesn’t concern her,
• she says that I am ovulating.

Still no pregnancy!

My naturopath and acupuncturist are really pleased.  They believe that all that we have been doing for the last 5 months is working.  And I do too!  They believe that I have had/still have PCOS, but that the herbs and acupuncture are doing their job and the cysts are gradually staying away.  Queen Naturo also reminded me that a few months ago, my bloods showed that I wasn’t ovulating, so progress is being made!

At this stage, the GYN has no answer, but she does have action.  Over the next two months, I undergo:

• a blood test each cycle to continue to monitor my ovulation.  She wants to look at whether I am regularly ovulating or not. 
  However she did say something really interesting about this.  That the fact that my cycles have regulated over the last few months, is a good sign that I am ovulating.  She said that regular cycles mean regular ovulation!  Once again, thanks to Queen Naturo and King Acupunt.  Because before them, my cycles were all over the place.  Probably why I still have lots of eggs left!!
• And she has also scheduled me in for a HSG scan to look at my tubes.  Once again, it doesn’t sound like a pleasant experience!  But I am grateful to be able to find out whether my tubes are healthy or blocked in any way.

After that, if things are still looking good, then it becomes a diagnosis of unexplained infertility.  From there, we can choose to either continue to try on our own, or take the IVF path. 

If we are very fortunate, a pregnancy will ensue before that time comes!  However, we both agree that in two months, if we still aren’t pregnant, we will continue to work with the naturopath for a little while longer.  You gotta have faith in their 100% strike rate!

I am very grateful to know though, that the GYN will be happy to proceed with IVF.  Issues of my weight did come up, along with the complications it can cause, but it is not enough to not proceed with IVF.  She has simply encouraged me to continue to work on that area.  Like I haven’t been working on that issue every day of my life!

She was really good in this consultation.  You may remember I was unhappy with our last appointment, but it was really good this time.  She was very support and compassionate, gentle and reassuring with all the results.   And only 30 minutes late instead of 90!!  :)

So, I’ve come away reassured by all the test results.

• I believe that, while there are still some cysts I am recovering from PCOS!
• I am not yet convinced on the ovulation thing.  Maybe Baby is still showing nothing and I am not feeling anything myself either.  It is possible though, that Maybe Baby is just not working for me.  And their website also states that it isn’t right for everyone. 
  I am looking forward to finding out the results of continuing ovulation testing and of course, seeing whether or not, I begin a new cycle!

A surprise in the microscope

Yesterday morning I leaned over to do the daily saliva test.  10 minutes later, I am handing the mini microscope over to D in total surprise.  The reading was positive!  I was ovulating!  It had been five days since that first sign of ovulation with nothing since then.  There was joy and confusion from both of us!

This morning – once again, nothing on the test.  It is just so strange.

What normally happens with Maybe Baby is that you have two or three days of pre-ovulation readings, 1-2 days full ovulation readings and 2-3 days post-ovulation readings.  So this is all very strange.

Nevertheless, the two week wait now will test my patience.  While it is all a bit strange, yesterdays random reading puts the thought in our heads that it might just be possible this cycle for us to have conceived!  Maybe…  Maybe Baby!  :):)

While there is that joy of hopefulness, I am mostly  feeling disillusioned with it all at the moment.  I do acknowledge that other factors in my life are contributing to this feeling.  One of them is not feeling well at the moment, and another is a colleague announcing her pregnancy at our meeting last night.  Wonderful news for her!  :)  I just wish I was there as well.

The arthritis is giving me grief and I can feel it in my knuckles and ankles as well.  It’s as though, my body is saying “Now that I am diagnosed, feel it in all its glory!”

So, I need to work at riding through these feelings and overcoming the factors that are contributing to them.  I’ve got some work to do this morning, that will feel good to have completed and I have some difficult things to achieve at school that will hopefully, in time, begin to lift my spirits as well.

I put out to the Universe - positivity, hopefulness, patience, good health, perseverance and our dreams of a different life.

… ah, the Universe is surprising.  After writing that last sentence I did a google image search for happiness.  It gave me this photo from… wait for it… an arthritis website!  Perhaps it is time to researching this as well – with joy that I finally have a diagnosis.

The Fertility Clinic

Wow, time is flying past me so quickly at the moment. The end of the school year is always a hectic time, but the Summer Holidays are almost here. Four weeks to go and then a seemingly endless 7 weeks break!

It was about three weeks ago when we went to our first fertility clinic appointment. I came away happy and disappointed all at the same time.

We waited an hour and a half past our appointment time before we finally got in to see her. 10 minutes later we were out of her room and passed on to someone else. We were told the appointment would be an hour, and I was expecting so much more. There were a few questions, a background history and then signing off on lots of tests. Blood tests, sperm tests, and an ultra sound.

After we had been passed on, another lady did our height and weight, organised the tests, told us where to go and then we were done. What the...?

There were two things the GYN said that upset me. She had a complete dismissal of all the naturopathic tests I had done and anything related to natural medicine. And she said that my weight was a problem in retaining a pregnancy. I understand now though that she was simply covering all bases. Anything that could a problem is looked at and tried to overcome. But in the short term time after the appointment, I was really upset. My doctor, naturopath and accupunturist all assured me this wasn't a problem, yet here is the GYN blunty saying it is.

However, the she covered all that I had questions about and all that I wanted to have done. She had a suspicion of PCOS before I even mentioned it and I was grateful when she signed off on the ultra sound tests.

I have had 3 progesterone tests at two day intervals in the second half of my cycle. And on day 3, I go in for my ultra sound. Then I see her again with all the results. Unfortunately, we were in Sydney for my last Day 3, so we have to wait till my next cycle to do this.

The lastest news is that this cycle we were excited to have some sign of ovulation from the Maybe Baby and my breasts became quite sore - a sign of ovulation. However, the Maybe Baby only had one day of positivity, not the 5 or 6 days it should have. After having some sign and then nothing the day after, we were so disappointed.

I saw the doctor this morning and she said that sore breasts are a sign of an increase in progesterone. And it is likely that my progesterone increased but not quite enough to produce an egg.

So, we are not there yet this cycle, but we have had our first sign of ovulation in 4 months, so it is a step closer!!

On another medical note, the reason for my doctors appointment today was to get the results of the x-rays on my knee. I finally have a diagnosis for the knee pain that I have had for over 12 years. Arthritis! Can you believe that?! I developed arthritis in my knees in my 20's. Ah the joys of netball. I played the game from the time I could hold a ball and now I have the knees to proof it!

I am grateful to have the diagnosis and now have some medication to help. I wonder how this will be affected during my pregnancy??!

A quick catch up.

Gosh, I am so far behind in documenting this journey. Life has simply run away from me and the opportunity to sit down and blog hasn't presented itself! In fact, I should be working now!!

So, I thought I would do a quick catch up on whats been going on. (I apologise in advance for not being able to document where I got these photos from. I think it was from a local photographer who put her pictures up on Facebook. I will look into it and make the necessary acknowledgments)

One

According to the Maybe Baby, I still haven't ovulated this month. Two months in a row now. That is a concern, but it is early days still. Acupunturist L is sticking needles into all the right spots and also told me how the ovaries take turns in releasing the eggs, but not always alternate turns. One ovary could release for a few months in a row. So, it could be possible that one ovary isn't working as well as the other. And two months isn't enough to really tell.

The good thing is that I haven't felt like I have ovulated either and I always seem to know. So, it is a temporary glitch. The month before we started tracking, I know for sure that I did, so there is hope!! In the meantime, I keep going to get stuck with needles every week!

Two

After getting the results of the saliva testing a couple of weeks ago, Queen Naturo gave me a new herb mix to boost my baby making ability. (I will go into this in more detail in another post). However, I had a reaction to the new herbs and experienced my first ever migraine. What fun - not! So, now we need to play around with the mix and found out what is causing the problem.

We are both eager for me to take the necessary herbs, but it might take some time to sort it all out.

Three

I am doing everything right, except for the one area in my life that I have always struggled with. Eating well. It really is a struggle for me. I was hoping that the desire to have children would really help, but the old annoying voice in my head still manages to win the battle and overcome my healthy eating desires.

I am trying to not to get stressed about it. That will only make things worse, of course. I know how important it is to cut out the sugars and high GI food. All I can do is keep trying.

In the meantime, I still exercise regularly, take the right supplements, no alcohol, no deli meats, no soft cheese etc etc, all in preparation.

Four

I get the results of the blood tests from the doctor on Friday. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.

Well, thats it for today. I really should get back to work!!

I'm looking forward to catching up on everyone elses blogs soon!

Love and light

A

Still no ovulating day.

Day 24 of our first cycle watching it through Maybe Baby. Still no change to show that I've ovulated. mmm. Yet its just the first month of being pro-active, first month of beginning the naturopaths fertility path. The tests go to the hormone clinic today, so we will find out what is going on soon and on Wednesday I go to the doctors to start that process.

So, its far too early to be unhappy about anything. Nevertheless, the emotion has been simmering away today. 'Why hasn't there been a change?', I keep thinking.

D reminded me today that we don't want to get consumed by this process and he is absolutely right. Yet, its a bit hard when every morning I need to take the test and three times a day need to remember to take my pills, with two lots of them needing to be an hour away from food!! Yes, the phone comes into play giving me reminders to do those two pill pops!

I am one to always try to look at the positive in things. This is no different. I'm not going to dwell on negative thinking because there is so much positive thinking to be had. Why is it though, that the negative is easier to fall into than the positive??!! :):) The positive is SO much better!

lisawarninger.wordpress

The difference in me, I realised this morning, is a huge one from where I was two years ago. We all have conflicting emotions sometimes, happiness and sadness together, excitement and tiredness together etc. In the past, mine has mostly been underlined with the sadness. Happy, bubbly me with the sadness lingering hidden, simmering away.

Now things are different. I have felt a little sad this morning, yes. But underneath it all, I am still so very happy! I'm peaceful with it, content with it, eager to be a better me with it.

And while I am keen to become pregnant asap!!!, there is another part of me that wants to get fitter first, to lose some weight first, to really re-establish my healthy eating patterns. I want to be the best me I can in order to healthily nourish and grow our child.

So, this early stage is all about discovering what is going on, what is working or not working for us and having a lot of fun in the process!!!!! And if I get pregnant tomorrow, woohooooo!!!!! And if I get pregnant in a few months a little fitter and healthier, woohhoooooo!! to that too!

Things are as they are meant to be.

And I feel happier already for having written this post!

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Being pro-active

We gave ourselves two months of trying on our own before becoming outwardly pro-active. If I was 27 years young, we would have continued for 12 months like that, having our own fun! However at 40, we don't have time to do that.

I have seen two naturopaths for the last couple of years - one has become a good friend. Initially I saw my other naturopath because we are not wanting to tell anyone that we are trying for a baby. With the disappointments that can occur, it is what we felt was right for both of us and after I am pregnant we plan to tell our parents only until the second tri-mester. Mainly it is because of my age and the extra problems that come with trying to have a first baby as an older woman. Disappointments will affect us deeply without adding having to tell others.

So after taking herbs from one naturopath, we decided we needed a second opinion and we are so glad that we did. After her squeal of excitement (!!!), our friend and Naturopath Queen proceeded to amaze us with what she did and said and got us to do. There was blood viewing, zinc testing, fertility herbs for both of us and tests to take home and to send away for. Hormone testing is being done at a lab and urine testing at home!

She also sent us to buy Maybe Baby. I thought I would be using the basal testing to determine my fertile period, but Maybe Baby is amazing. Through viewing your saliva in a tiny microscope, you know exactly when ovulation is about to occur and when it does occur. Much more effective than basal testing! I am amazed by it. It is wonderful learning so much more about my cycle through this and seeing what I do already understand co-inciding with what the Maybe Baby is showing me.

We are yet to get to a fertile period to see it change. I am excited about seeing that occur!

I've also finally made a doctors appointment. I see her on Wednesday. No doubt there will be more tests to take!

So, the pro-active phase has started! It is wonderful to be taking this journey together!