Thursday, March 4, 2010

A new beginning

I don’t know what it is about today, but it feels like the start of a new day!  I feel good, I feel at ease and I’ve put my first smiley face on the calendar.  Thanks Anita!

I feel unconcerned about the usual problems that hammer away at my head and soul.  They feel inconsequential.  I feel light.

So why I am writing about this in my conception blog?  It seems more appropriate to be writing it in my creating peaceful thoughts blog.

Because I think it is all because of my large progesterone number.  I think that seeing actual prove of my P4 going from 2.2 to 45 in just 6 days, gave me confidence and belief in the fact that I am ovulating.

The night before, I was going through all the tests results from the fertility clinic and saying to D that it didn’t make any sense.  There was nothing in there to indicate ovulation.  I had one P4 that was at 26, but that is just scraping in at the barrel.  I was annoyed, I was angry at the OB diagnosis that I was ovulating.  “Where is the indication of it?” I was saying. 

I looked back over my posts to match up dates with what I written about the appointments.  After my first appointment, she had me take 3 P4 tests at two day intervals.  It was from these that she first said I was ovulating.  There was only one result from those tests in the file and it was only a 13.  What was going on?

I realised that this one was probably the last of the 3 tests and perhaps the others were of a higher level.  “I must get the other results to see”  I thought.  “Surely they will make sense of this.”

I was disappointed with my OB.  She had done nothing for us, no help, no meds, nothing.  I was very grateful for the results of my HSG scan and D’s sperm analysis. I was very grateful at how completely willing she was, with no hesitation, giving me copies of all the results.  I didn’t even have to sign anything.  That was terrific.  I was also very grateful for the clear and more in depth explanations she gave us of her findings.  But no assistance.

Yet, on second thinking, it is probably a good thing.  The drugs that I would have been pumped with would have caused so many side affects and go so against our belief in staying away from artificial things.  We may yet have to go down that path, but for now I am happy to be still be trying naturally.  Especially now that we now know we are basically ok.

On insisting I have a second P4 test on Tuesday, so past the usual date for doing these things, our OB resurrected herself in my eyes!  Such wonderful instincts!  For that, I am SO SO SO SO SO SO grateful.  Ecstatic!!  Thank you, thank you!

Because now, as a result, I feel terrific.  I feel renewed.  I feel happy.  I feel clean.  I feel light.  I feel bright eyed.  I feel more confident.  Within my underlying self, I feel better than I have in many months!  Thank you 45.  My new favourite number!  Thank you OB and the fertility clinic.



  1. Annie, I know this is a difficult journey for you at times. Hang in there and keep strong. If anyone deserves "the grand prize" for all the efforts, it's you and D!

  2. Thank you Jane. That's lovely of you to say. xxx