Reenergized

The last two days things have been so much better.  My energy levels have returned and I have been eager to be active and physical.  My body has finally caught up to my headspace.  And I have to thank my amazing naturopath.

I had my appointment on Thursday.  I expected to come back with a stronger antidepressant.  But I didn't test positive for that at all.  Instead, I came out with only one thing.  NeuroCalm for nervous tension and anxiety.  And since I've been taking it, I have felt SO much better.  And after only have one day.

Kelly (naturopath) uses muscle testing to be sure on what it is that my body needs.  She came back into the office with a selection of things.

• In one of my recent blood tests, I had tested high for insulin.  On further testing everything was fine.  But I was still concerned.  She brought in a few different remedies for that issue.
• I told her which antidepressant had worked really well for me in the past.  
• She also brought in the NeuroCalm and and a few other odds and ends she wanted to try.

I was amazed when I tested negative for the antidepressant.  Really?!! How interesting.
I was totally relieved when I didn't need anything related to high insulin.  Kelly said that one of the things that can cause high insulin is stress.  And considering the stress tablets were the only ones I needed, well that just all makes sense.

I decided to also have a body composition analysis.  I had one on our honeymoon cruise which showed a very high water retention level.  I then went on the prescribed herbal remedies and changed a few things in my diet with the focus being on acid vs alkaline foods.  A month later my water retention has reduced by a third.  Great news!

On the other hand, my calculated age from all the other CBA tests was high.  Oh dear!  For some reason, that has turned into a big reality check, has confirmed fears that I have about my physical well being, and has been a cataylst for being able to move beyond compulsive eating.  Don't get me wrong, the CE is still there, but I don't want to be the physical age that the CBA showed.

One of the factors in the test is muscle mass, which for me was low.  With all that has gone on, I haven't done pilates or gone to the gym for a few months.  Fortunately I had already made my appointment for my pilates review and I start today.  That should help as well!

It is such a relief to moving beyond my time of grief and isolation.  I'm moving through my new cycle getting ready to start the next ICSI round and I will come at with greater health.  I am actively seeking things to do that are physically active.  I want to exert myself.  Whether it be gardening, weeding, exercising.  Which means at the same time, I am getting on top of some long awaited jobs!

I am grateful.

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I haven't put up any of our professional wedding photos yet.  So I thought I would finish each post with a photo of our joyful day!

Professional help

A few months ago, I took advantage of the free counselling service they have the fertility clinic.  I needed to talk to a professional about all that had been going on.  The lady was really good and it was so helpful to talk to her.

In the process of my session, the issues of my eating addiction came up.  She recommended another shrink who she believed would really be able to help me.  This lady, Shona, is just amazing.  I've had 7 sessions with her and they have been amazing and intense and really helpful.  But my allocated sessions have run out, so I needed to go and have a review with the doctor to get 4 more assisted sessions.

My doctor has been good with our fertility journey and I told the doctor about the last two miscarriages.  She added a second reason that I still needed counselling - grief. 

I've often talked about the loss I feel, but understanding that there is grief surrounding that loss makes so much sense.  I'd shut down, not able to function, not interested in anything.  All symptoms of grief.  My kinesiologist came up with the fact that I am dealing with a feeling of being let down.  It is good to be able to put some words to the confusing array of feelings that I have been having.

I started back at work today. It was good to have a routine in the day.  It was a good day.

I'm also going to the naturopath on Thursday.  I am taking a naturopathic supplement for depression, but it's low dose and is not really working.  There was another one I used to take that worked much better so I will talk to about that and all the other difficulties I am struggling with right now.  It's time to get back on track.  I've been shut down long enough.