It has taken two months to get there but we have gotten there! The embryo transfer was yesterday and we are now in the two week wait.
Our donor has been amazing. We have met up socially on a few occasions now and we all get along so well. She is one generous and loving woman and I feel so blessed and grateful to have met her.
She was so worried about doing well by us and producing enough eggs for us to use, that when she told me she had gotten 24 eggs, she burst into tears with relief! And said she did the thing in recovery when the nurses told her. 24 eggs! Its staggering.
As she was only donating and not continuing to transfer herself, they were able to overstimulate more than is normal for a regular IVF round. But not too much so that it damages the eggs. To produce 24 though, is incredible. They weren't expecting that many!
Of those 24, they chose 20 to fertilise - 10 using IVF and 10 using ICSI. We got 9 ICSI embryos and 7 IVF embryos. Amazing! From them, we got 11 great quality embryos. They chose an IVF one to transfer to me and the rest will be frozen.
We have never seen an embryo like the one I am carrying inside me now. It had reached blastocyst stage by Day 4 and the embryologist told us that we couldn't have a better result! Our embryos from my eggs never reached that stage before transfer. Ours were always still at the early cell stage. To see one looking like that, was fantastic.
Yesterday after the transfer I was feeling crampy and very fragile. I rested, listened to my meditation CD's and thought positive, open, loving and receptive thoughts. Today, I have that stretchy uterine sensation. But as usual, it is a symptom that I can associate both with pregnancy and sometimes with being pre-menstrual. So, no guarantees there.
Apart from a few little things I still have to do, I have taken two weeks off work for the Christmas break and will focus on staying relaxed and positive. Oh, and get ready for everyone coming over for Christmas lunch!
The meditation CD's I have been listening to are awesome. If anyone is reading this who is going through any kind of fertility, they are the ones to use. It is a website called Circle and Bloom and they have CD's for any situation - both natural and medically assisted - before and after and during - as well as for general women's health.
There is so much to say - about our donor and what she has done/and wants to do for us - about the process - and about our hopes and dreams. Right now, though, I am staying focused on the now. On encouraging the little life inside me to implant and grow strong and healthy. On staying relaxed for the next two weeks.
I will be back in two weeks to let you know the results. If it isn't successful this time, there are 11 more little embryos waiting for us. And while that thought helps us to remain positive, it certainly doesn't take away our deep desire for this one to be the one.
Showing posts with label Embryos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Embryos. Show all posts
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Nemo's come home!
Yesterday was transfer day and everything went well!
My feelings of non-chalance went through a few different phases as they day drew closer. But nothing really stuck. Some nerves set in at one point. There were feelings of anticipation. But even on the day, I just went about my day as normal. Although the comment from one of my students was interesting...
The transfer wasn't till midday, so I popped into school to do a few catch up lessons. My first student said "You are in a good mood today!" and she only saw me the day before. She was right, I was feeling really good. Whether it was the fantastic swim I had after school the day before or the fact that Nemo was coming home, who knows.
The thought "Nemo is coming home today!" popped into my head as I was driving to school. Something shifted in me then. Maybe that was what changed my mood as well!!
When I told Dave, he said that one of his customers referenced "Finding Nemo" in a phone call the day before. Freaky!
So, we arrived at the hospital and went into the room with the embryologist and our OB. All I wanted to know was "Did Nemo thaw?" There was a 10% chance that our embryo wouldn't make it through the thawing process. I was so expecting that to be the case. Just our luck, you know?! Beat the odds again. But not only did it thaw, it was flourishing. Both women were really happy with how it was plumping up and progressing. "Oh thank goodness!"
"Would you like to see it?", they asked. "Yes Please!", we said. And there it was - our beautiful embryo on the screen. I felt such a rush of excitement and love - for a second - and then my defenses kicked in and I found myself pushing down that excitement in fear of what might happen. Then that emotion shifted again, to one of going through the motions of the procedure with complete acceptance of the situation. I think it is a good place to be.
However...........
When we walked out of the hospital doors, everything shifted again! I had gone from not wanting to be pregnant again, to suddenly having our live and healthy Nemo inside me. I felt like precious cargo and I SO SO SO SO SO want to pregnant again. All of a sudden, I'm not frightened of it anymore. All of a sudden, I'm excited.
Now, just one day later, I am talking to Nemo already. I'm trying to listen to what it needs - or more precisely I suppose - what my body needs for Nemo to flourish. I just like to think of it as Nemo talking back to me.
Now, it wouldn't have even implanted yet, but as far as I am concerned, I have a little life form living inside of me. I'm not holding my breath, I'm still feeling very relaxed with no expectations of achieving pregnancy or going full term. But there is a part of me that feels that this is different, that this one is going to work. That this is a happy and 'excited for life' embryo.
So, my job now is to live my life happy and peaceful. To go about my days, content in my activites, feeling a sense of accomplishment in my tasks and to also be careful about what I do and how much I do. To be happy being less active and enjoying a 'holiday' from the busyness of life and the hard work of the heavy physical jobs that I love doing. I will be content swimming more casually and no longer doing fast sprints and hard laps. I will be content walking on the flat surfaces and not traipsing up and down all the hills!
I've been calling this round, IVF round 5. But really, it is just finishing round 2. Nemo is from my round 2 collection. I had the polyp removed and wasn't able to do the transfer and Nemo, our one and only embryo from that round, was frozen. The positive thing here, is that Nemo is younger than our last embryo and may be less damaged. It was conceived a year ago! Fingers crossed that works in our favour!
Love and Light
xxx
My feelings of non-chalance went through a few different phases as they day drew closer. But nothing really stuck. Some nerves set in at one point. There were feelings of anticipation. But even on the day, I just went about my day as normal. Although the comment from one of my students was interesting...
The transfer wasn't till midday, so I popped into school to do a few catch up lessons. My first student said "You are in a good mood today!" and she only saw me the day before. She was right, I was feeling really good. Whether it was the fantastic swim I had after school the day before or the fact that Nemo was coming home, who knows.
The thought "Nemo is coming home today!" popped into my head as I was driving to school. Something shifted in me then. Maybe that was what changed my mood as well!!
When I told Dave, he said that one of his customers referenced "Finding Nemo" in a phone call the day before. Freaky!
So, we arrived at the hospital and went into the room with the embryologist and our OB. All I wanted to know was "Did Nemo thaw?" There was a 10% chance that our embryo wouldn't make it through the thawing process. I was so expecting that to be the case. Just our luck, you know?! Beat the odds again. But not only did it thaw, it was flourishing. Both women were really happy with how it was plumping up and progressing. "Oh thank goodness!"
"Would you like to see it?", they asked. "Yes Please!", we said. And there it was - our beautiful embryo on the screen. I felt such a rush of excitement and love - for a second - and then my defenses kicked in and I found myself pushing down that excitement in fear of what might happen. Then that emotion shifted again, to one of going through the motions of the procedure with complete acceptance of the situation. I think it is a good place to be.
However...........
When we walked out of the hospital doors, everything shifted again! I had gone from not wanting to be pregnant again, to suddenly having our live and healthy Nemo inside me. I felt like precious cargo and I SO SO SO SO SO want to pregnant again. All of a sudden, I'm not frightened of it anymore. All of a sudden, I'm excited.
Now, just one day later, I am talking to Nemo already. I'm trying to listen to what it needs - or more precisely I suppose - what my body needs for Nemo to flourish. I just like to think of it as Nemo talking back to me.
Now, it wouldn't have even implanted yet, but as far as I am concerned, I have a little life form living inside of me. I'm not holding my breath, I'm still feeling very relaxed with no expectations of achieving pregnancy or going full term. But there is a part of me that feels that this is different, that this one is going to work. That this is a happy and 'excited for life' embryo.
So, my job now is to live my life happy and peaceful. To go about my days, content in my activites, feeling a sense of accomplishment in my tasks and to also be careful about what I do and how much I do. To be happy being less active and enjoying a 'holiday' from the busyness of life and the hard work of the heavy physical jobs that I love doing. I will be content swimming more casually and no longer doing fast sprints and hard laps. I will be content walking on the flat surfaces and not traipsing up and down all the hills!
I've been calling this round, IVF round 5. But really, it is just finishing round 2. Nemo is from my round 2 collection. I had the polyp removed and wasn't able to do the transfer and Nemo, our one and only embryo from that round, was frozen. The positive thing here, is that Nemo is younger than our last embryo and may be less damaged. It was conceived a year ago! Fingers crossed that works in our favour!
Love and Light
xxx
Friday, August 16, 2013
Frozen embryo transfer
Hi all!
It's been a month since I posted. Where has the time gone?! Last week I joined Dave on a work trip. I had a great time while he was at work! We stayed at a B&B that was on 400 acres of farmland. It was perfect for me. It was a little weird that was the B&B was actually the top story of their home and you are actually sharing their home with them. But it was great for me.
I had some company while Dave was gone long hours at work. I explored the property, joined the husband on his rounds of the animals, learnt a lot about cattle farming and horse harness racing. Wangaratta had an indoor swimming pool, so I was able to keep up my swimming.
I had a car to drive around in because Dave's employee met us there, so I used his car. I did a lot of touristy things, shopping and exploring places to eat for lunch. Did a lot of walks around the place and generally really enjoyed myself. I LOVED Wangaratta. Such a great feel to the place and lots of things to do and see. And the shopping in the city centre was superb. No main shopping complex, just lots of little shops in the main streets. Lots of places that I loved. Fantastic!
It was a good week for me. Much needed I think.
We have our frozen embryo transfer on Tuesday. I've been going through the motions of the things to do to prepare for it, blood tests, timetabling, getting all the big physical jobs done in the house so I don't itch to do them when I need to be laying down and holding onto the embryo, etc etc. But I don't think I have any reality of it. I mean, I know its happening obviously, but it just seems like an event on the calender.
I thought I might be like this. Just going through the motions of it all. Then I remembered today that we have already named this embryo - Nemo. That brought a bit of reality to me. This one has a name. And then I thought of writing in my blog. That brings a bit more reality again.
And that brings - fear, nervousness, worry... I don't want to be pregnant again. It would be an understatement to say that none of my experiences have been good ones. But I do want to be a Mum and I do want to go through this process in order to get there.
I can't believe we are doing it again. We keep getting told we are courageous to try again so soon after the last time. But we are also being very supported by the fertility clinic.
Our OB believes that I am very fertile, especially for my age. That made me laugh. You're kidding right???!!! No, shes not kidding. It's just that we needed to sort things out and find the right formula - polyp removal so that I can get implantation and the right balance in my blood so that I can hold a pregnancy, and of course, we need to find the right embryo. That one little embryo that is still okay, that is not damaged by age or by genetics. It makes me wonder that if Nemo doesn't work, would it be worth trying a full round again??? Think about that later...
She is so positive - our OB. I so wish we had found her much earlier in our infertilty journey. If she had gotten to me when I was 40, instead of 43, it might have made a huge difference. But nevermind. I am a believer in the universal plan, even if I have absolutely no idea what it is!
Someone said to me the other day - "Think about the future, but live in the present". Words that we hear in different forms a lot. But it struck home. I am living more in the present, because I'm really starting to like my present. Yes, in the future, I will need to sort out my work and financial situation, but right now, I'm loving the way my life is going. I think about what I want to do for work and have put out a couple of feelers, but I don't have to worry about it right now.
Right now, I'm trying to heal from everything in my life. Trying to find the new me and create a new life. One free from the restrictions that have held me back from happiness and peacefulness and joy. One that I am proud of and makes me feel like a worthwhile human being. I think I'm a little bit further along in that journey, maybe, just maybe...
Oh and there's that little thing of our embryo transfer on Tuesday. Wish us luck!
Love and Light
xxx
It's been a month since I posted. Where has the time gone?! Last week I joined Dave on a work trip. I had a great time while he was at work! We stayed at a B&B that was on 400 acres of farmland. It was perfect for me. It was a little weird that was the B&B was actually the top story of their home and you are actually sharing their home with them. But it was great for me.
I had some company while Dave was gone long hours at work. I explored the property, joined the husband on his rounds of the animals, learnt a lot about cattle farming and horse harness racing. Wangaratta had an indoor swimming pool, so I was able to keep up my swimming.
I had a car to drive around in because Dave's employee met us there, so I used his car. I did a lot of touristy things, shopping and exploring places to eat for lunch. Did a lot of walks around the place and generally really enjoyed myself. I LOVED Wangaratta. Such a great feel to the place and lots of things to do and see. And the shopping in the city centre was superb. No main shopping complex, just lots of little shops in the main streets. Lots of places that I loved. Fantastic!
It was a good week for me. Much needed I think.
We have our frozen embryo transfer on Tuesday. I've been going through the motions of the things to do to prepare for it, blood tests, timetabling, getting all the big physical jobs done in the house so I don't itch to do them when I need to be laying down and holding onto the embryo, etc etc. But I don't think I have any reality of it. I mean, I know its happening obviously, but it just seems like an event on the calender.
I thought I might be like this. Just going through the motions of it all. Then I remembered today that we have already named this embryo - Nemo. That brought a bit of reality to me. This one has a name. And then I thought of writing in my blog. That brings a bit more reality again.
And that brings - fear, nervousness, worry... I don't want to be pregnant again. It would be an understatement to say that none of my experiences have been good ones. But I do want to be a Mum and I do want to go through this process in order to get there.
I can't believe we are doing it again. We keep getting told we are courageous to try again so soon after the last time. But we are also being very supported by the fertility clinic.
Our OB believes that I am very fertile, especially for my age. That made me laugh. You're kidding right???!!! No, shes not kidding. It's just that we needed to sort things out and find the right formula - polyp removal so that I can get implantation and the right balance in my blood so that I can hold a pregnancy, and of course, we need to find the right embryo. That one little embryo that is still okay, that is not damaged by age or by genetics. It makes me wonder that if Nemo doesn't work, would it be worth trying a full round again??? Think about that later...
She is so positive - our OB. I so wish we had found her much earlier in our infertilty journey. If she had gotten to me when I was 40, instead of 43, it might have made a huge difference. But nevermind. I am a believer in the universal plan, even if I have absolutely no idea what it is!
Someone said to me the other day - "Think about the future, but live in the present". Words that we hear in different forms a lot. But it struck home. I am living more in the present, because I'm really starting to like my present. Yes, in the future, I will need to sort out my work and financial situation, but right now, I'm loving the way my life is going. I think about what I want to do for work and have put out a couple of feelers, but I don't have to worry about it right now.
Right now, I'm trying to heal from everything in my life. Trying to find the new me and create a new life. One free from the restrictions that have held me back from happiness and peacefulness and joy. One that I am proud of and makes me feel like a worthwhile human being. I think I'm a little bit further along in that journey, maybe, just maybe...
Oh and there's that little thing of our embryo transfer on Tuesday. Wish us luck!
Love and Light
xxx
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
DNA test results
Good morning everyone. I hope you are all doing well and flourishing in this crazy world we live in!
Dave and I went for our follow up appointment with the OB on Monday. It's been 6 weeks since we lost our baby. It's hard to believe it has been so long. In some ways, it still feels like last week. In others, I can feel the healing that has been going on and we are doing so much better.
The DNA tests results showed that we had a little girl. I'm so glad to know that. I can't describe how I felt to find out, or how I feel now, but there is something about knowing the sex of our child that is wonderful. It is heartwarming.
But there was a serious genetic problem. She had Edwards Syndrome Trisomy 18. There was only a 1 in 2000 chance of us conceiving a child with this disorder. There is so much to say about how I feel about that, but first, what is Edwards Syndrome?
It is similiar to Downs Syndrome in that there is an extra chromosone. Downs Syndrome has an extra chromosome 21, Edwards Syndrome has an extra chromosone 18. It is much more serious than Downs with most children dying in utero in the second or third trimester. Some make it to full term, either being still born or living for only a week at the most. There are exceptions as always, with a rare few children living till they are older, although with severe handicaps. It is rare for any child to live past the age of 5.
How do I feel about beating the odds again, but this time in such a tragic way? Distraught. At first it was such a relief. We know what happened. It wasn't our fault. It wasn't my age or the quality of my eggs or anything that we did. It was tragic bad luck. But why, why, why? Our slim shot at parenthood ended like this. Why, why, why? Why were we that one in the 2000?
We also learnt that it is more common as you get older. The odds for a younger woman are 1 in 6000. And that is because as we got older, our bodies lose the ability to know when there is a genetic problem. A 25 year old woman wouldn't have gotten to the second trimester with a Trisomy 18 baby, because her body would have known and rejected the embryo straight away. She would have just had a late period.
But the fact is, we had prepared for a Downs child. We had already made the decision not to have an amnio. If our child was Downs, it didn't matter. We didn't care. It was our child to love and care for and treasure. But I had never heard of Edwards Syndrome. It was never mentioned by any doctor (unlike the Downs possibility) because the chances of it were so unlikely.
Yet here we are. Learning this news has set me back a ways in my healing. I am so upset by it. I feel so much for our little girl. I still love her so much. And I wish she was here with us, with just the right amount of chromosones to help her live a full and rich life. But she will always live on in my heart and I now need to deal with the knowledge of her diagnosis.
So where to from here? Today, I am making an appointment with our fertiltiy OB to begin the process of transferring our frozen embryo. One good thing from this news, is that I have a little bit of hope back. I hope that we have already done the "1 in however many" chance of genetic problems. I have hope that now we will now be the 1999 in 2000 chance of having a healthy child. The problem is that we also beat the odds in getting pregnant in the first place. I don't have a lot of hope that we can do it again.
Our frozen embryo is called "Nemo". Dave gave it that name when it first went to be frozen. It has a nickname already. That's gotta be a good thing.
Love and Light
xxx
Dave and I went for our follow up appointment with the OB on Monday. It's been 6 weeks since we lost our baby. It's hard to believe it has been so long. In some ways, it still feels like last week. In others, I can feel the healing that has been going on and we are doing so much better.
The DNA tests results showed that we had a little girl. I'm so glad to know that. I can't describe how I felt to find out, or how I feel now, but there is something about knowing the sex of our child that is wonderful. It is heartwarming.
But there was a serious genetic problem. She had Edwards Syndrome Trisomy 18. There was only a 1 in 2000 chance of us conceiving a child with this disorder. There is so much to say about how I feel about that, but first, what is Edwards Syndrome?
It is similiar to Downs Syndrome in that there is an extra chromosone. Downs Syndrome has an extra chromosome 21, Edwards Syndrome has an extra chromosone 18. It is much more serious than Downs with most children dying in utero in the second or third trimester. Some make it to full term, either being still born or living for only a week at the most. There are exceptions as always, with a rare few children living till they are older, although with severe handicaps. It is rare for any child to live past the age of 5.
How do I feel about beating the odds again, but this time in such a tragic way? Distraught. At first it was such a relief. We know what happened. It wasn't our fault. It wasn't my age or the quality of my eggs or anything that we did. It was tragic bad luck. But why, why, why? Our slim shot at parenthood ended like this. Why, why, why? Why were we that one in the 2000?
We also learnt that it is more common as you get older. The odds for a younger woman are 1 in 6000. And that is because as we got older, our bodies lose the ability to know when there is a genetic problem. A 25 year old woman wouldn't have gotten to the second trimester with a Trisomy 18 baby, because her body would have known and rejected the embryo straight away. She would have just had a late period.
But the fact is, we had prepared for a Downs child. We had already made the decision not to have an amnio. If our child was Downs, it didn't matter. We didn't care. It was our child to love and care for and treasure. But I had never heard of Edwards Syndrome. It was never mentioned by any doctor (unlike the Downs possibility) because the chances of it were so unlikely.
Yet here we are. Learning this news has set me back a ways in my healing. I am so upset by it. I feel so much for our little girl. I still love her so much. And I wish she was here with us, with just the right amount of chromosones to help her live a full and rich life. But she will always live on in my heart and I now need to deal with the knowledge of her diagnosis.
So where to from here? Today, I am making an appointment with our fertiltiy OB to begin the process of transferring our frozen embryo. One good thing from this news, is that I have a little bit of hope back. I hope that we have already done the "1 in however many" chance of genetic problems. I have hope that now we will now be the 1999 in 2000 chance of having a healthy child. The problem is that we also beat the odds in getting pregnant in the first place. I don't have a lot of hope that we can do it again.
Our frozen embryo is called "Nemo". Dave gave it that name when it first went to be frozen. It has a nickname already. That's gotta be a good thing.
Love and Light
xxx
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Follow up test
After a stressful couple of days, todays test results show that our pregnancy is progressing really well!!! HCG levels have gone from 99 two days ago, to 265 today - they've nearly tripled!!
I am SO relieved! We are still pregnant!
It's been a tough two days. Once the initial excitement were off, I started worrying. Please, please, please embies, keep growing, snuggle in, HCG levels keep rising. I've been so scared. I've been really trying not to but it's just been there. Waiting for these results have been so much harder than waiting for the initial result saying we were pregnant. It felt like there was so much more at stake.
And then I started spotting a little. The leftover crinone began releasing with specks of colour in it. Mostly the colour was brown, but sometimes it wasn't so brown. And then today I started spotting more. Once again though, mostly old blood. The times when it wasn't quite brown absolutely terrified me.
And the results took so long to come in. I was expecting them by 2 pm at the latest. They didn't come in till 5 pm. It's been a tough day. But finally they arrived and I couldn't believe the number. 265!!!
The nurse said not to worry about the spotting. The crinone release is normal and as long as the blood is old it is all good. As for the couple of times I felt it wasn't quite old, she said is could be anything. Implantation blood even. Shes taken note of it and will follow up on Monday but she said not to worry. That my levels were terrific. And we are doing everything that needs to be done. She said go away and have a relaxing Easter! Things are progressing well.
I go in again on Monday for a final follow up blood test. That one should be around 1000 in hcg levels. So fingers crossed.
A friend said today that I just need to trust. TRUST. It is a good word. A reassuring word. A word of faith and belief. A word of confidence. A word of peacefulness, serenity, love. I like it.
This afternoon I started wearing around my wrist, the pouch of buddhist prayers my dear friend brought back from Japan with me. It is the one that I had with me on our wedding day, and I took with me to both the egg harvest and embryo transfer. It really helped me to settle down a little this afternoon. And I guess it brought with it Trust and Faith.
It is still on my wrist!
So now I go away with Trust in my heart and soul and know that once again we are progressing well through each step of the IVF process.
I am SO relieved! We are still pregnant!
It's been a tough two days. Once the initial excitement were off, I started worrying. Please, please, please embies, keep growing, snuggle in, HCG levels keep rising. I've been so scared. I've been really trying not to but it's just been there. Waiting for these results have been so much harder than waiting for the initial result saying we were pregnant. It felt like there was so much more at stake.
And then I started spotting a little. The leftover crinone began releasing with specks of colour in it. Mostly the colour was brown, but sometimes it wasn't so brown. And then today I started spotting more. Once again though, mostly old blood. The times when it wasn't quite brown absolutely terrified me.
And the results took so long to come in. I was expecting them by 2 pm at the latest. They didn't come in till 5 pm. It's been a tough day. But finally they arrived and I couldn't believe the number. 265!!!
The nurse said not to worry about the spotting. The crinone release is normal and as long as the blood is old it is all good. As for the couple of times I felt it wasn't quite old, she said is could be anything. Implantation blood even. Shes taken note of it and will follow up on Monday but she said not to worry. That my levels were terrific. And we are doing everything that needs to be done. She said go away and have a relaxing Easter! Things are progressing well.
I go in again on Monday for a final follow up blood test. That one should be around 1000 in hcg levels. So fingers crossed.
A friend said today that I just need to trust. TRUST. It is a good word. A reassuring word. A word of faith and belief. A word of confidence. A word of peacefulness, serenity, love. I like it.
This afternoon I started wearing around my wrist, the pouch of buddhist prayers my dear friend brought back from Japan with me. It is the one that I had with me on our wedding day, and I took with me to both the egg harvest and embryo transfer. It really helped me to settle down a little this afternoon. And I guess it brought with it Trust and Faith.
It is still on my wrist!
So now I go away with Trust in my heart and soul and know that once again we are progressing well through each step of the IVF process.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
It worked!
I know its early days BUT......................
I'm pregnant!!!!!!!
It worked!
YEAAAAAAAAA!
Okay, now that the excitement is expressed.... the details!
I got tested a day early for two reasons - I had to call the clinic about another matter and earlier in the day I cheated and took a home pregnancy test which was positive! The funny story is that the nurse guessed I had taken the test! I asked her how long the pregnyl stays in your system because I wondered if maybe I was getting a false positive. She answered my question and then said "You took a pregnancy test didn't you??!!" LOL :):) When I told the nurse yes, she said, "Well, lets get you tested a day early!"
My HCG levels were 99 - which is great. My estrogen and progesterone levels are also good. The nurse even started talking about my 6 week scan and my due date and, wow, I couldn't believe it!
The next step is another test in two days to see if the the pregnancy is developing as it should. And then I will have another follow up next week. The prayers will continue and the fingers will still be tightly crossed for the next week(s).
It worked! We made it to this the biggest step along the journey. Yes, there are still more steps to go before we are safe. None of my pregnancies have made it passed 6 weeks, but so far so fantastic!!
My other pregnancies were natural conceptions. This one feels better because good embryos were selected, I'm being monitored and I'm on drugs to assist the pregnancy.
Part of me is scared to be excited. Another part of is so relieved! I'm pregnant. All that I've gone through is, so far, paying fruition. I think I will stick with the excited emotion for a while and run with it. I'm going to talk to my baby/babies and keep encouraging them to grow. I'm going to keep doing my golden white light meditations.
The journey isn't over but we've finally made it this far!
Thank you, thank you!
I'm pregnant!!!!!!!
It worked!
YEAAAAAAAAA!
Okay, now that the excitement is expressed.... the details!
I got tested a day early for two reasons - I had to call the clinic about another matter and earlier in the day I cheated and took a home pregnancy test which was positive! The funny story is that the nurse guessed I had taken the test! I asked her how long the pregnyl stays in your system because I wondered if maybe I was getting a false positive. She answered my question and then said "You took a pregnancy test didn't you??!!" LOL :):) When I told the nurse yes, she said, "Well, lets get you tested a day early!"
My HCG levels were 99 - which is great. My estrogen and progesterone levels are also good. The nurse even started talking about my 6 week scan and my due date and, wow, I couldn't believe it!
The next step is another test in two days to see if the the pregnancy is developing as it should. And then I will have another follow up next week. The prayers will continue and the fingers will still be tightly crossed for the next week(s).
It worked! We made it to this the biggest step along the journey. Yes, there are still more steps to go before we are safe. None of my pregnancies have made it passed 6 weeks, but so far so fantastic!!
My other pregnancies were natural conceptions. This one feels better because good embryos were selected, I'm being monitored and I'm on drugs to assist the pregnancy.
Part of me is scared to be excited. Another part of is so relieved! I'm pregnant. All that I've gone through is, so far, paying fruition. I think I will stick with the excited emotion for a while and run with it. I'm going to talk to my baby/babies and keep encouraging them to grow. I'm going to keep doing my golden white light meditations.
The journey isn't over but we've finally made it this far!
Thank you, thank you!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Two more days
Two more sleeps till our pregnancy blood test. The wait is driving me mad. We are now at the stage where I could do a home test, but with the chance of false readings from all the hormones, I am hesitant to do so. Of course, being at this stage also means that every time I go to the toilet I have my fingers crossed that things are still staying positive.
I assume the clinic waits an extra couple of days past the two weeks just to see what happens, to make sure that there has been no period. But it's torture for me!!! :)
It's been a few days since I posted, so a quick update...
Friday saw me laying down in the car on the way to a funeral for Logans paternal grandmother with really sharp pains in my belly/uterus. They were either from running around too much getting ready or possibly they were implantation cramps. Hopefully they were implantation pains! Either way they were most uncomfortable and prevented from being able to take care of Logan properly. Mum stepped in as his other main babysitter and held him for me.
Dave didn't want me taking any risks in holding him and putting strain on my abdominal muscles and uterus. I was okay for a little while, but it didn't take long to start to hurt. The pain lasted until I was able to get home and rest.
Over the weekend, I have developed pains similiar to menstrual pains. It is frustrating that pregnancy pains and period pains can be the same! However, these pains I usually only feel when I am acutally bleeding and as I'm not....., my fingers are still crossed. I've also woken up throughout the night with nausea, not to a vomiting stage or anywhere near that, just an unpleasant nausea feeling. Then it goes once I fully awaken in the morning. It is too early to be feeling morning sickness, so I'm not sure what that means.
I had trouble on my walk yesterday. I was huffing and puffing up a very slight incline that I wouldn't normally think about and I slowed down as the walk progressed. I do feel quite lethargic. But once again, that doesn't necessarily mean pregnancy. Whatever is going on in my body, it is going through a lot and tiredness, I guess, is to be expected.
So, I live in a state of fear, hopefullness, unsure, positivity, back to fear. It just goes on and on. Other times, I place my hands on my belly and talk to my embies and try and get any sensations of them being there and growing. Sometimes I think I am aware of something, an energy, an awareness. But who knows. I had the same feeling before and things didn't work out in the end. I stay hopeful though.
I assume the clinic waits an extra couple of days past the two weeks just to see what happens, to make sure that there has been no period. But it's torture for me!!! :)
It's been a few days since I posted, so a quick update...
Friday saw me laying down in the car on the way to a funeral for Logans paternal grandmother with really sharp pains in my belly/uterus. They were either from running around too much getting ready or possibly they were implantation cramps. Hopefully they were implantation pains! Either way they were most uncomfortable and prevented from being able to take care of Logan properly. Mum stepped in as his other main babysitter and held him for me.
Dave didn't want me taking any risks in holding him and putting strain on my abdominal muscles and uterus. I was okay for a little while, but it didn't take long to start to hurt. The pain lasted until I was able to get home and rest.
Over the weekend, I have developed pains similiar to menstrual pains. It is frustrating that pregnancy pains and period pains can be the same! However, these pains I usually only feel when I am acutally bleeding and as I'm not....., my fingers are still crossed. I've also woken up throughout the night with nausea, not to a vomiting stage or anywhere near that, just an unpleasant nausea feeling. Then it goes once I fully awaken in the morning. It is too early to be feeling morning sickness, so I'm not sure what that means.
I had trouble on my walk yesterday. I was huffing and puffing up a very slight incline that I wouldn't normally think about and I slowed down as the walk progressed. I do feel quite lethargic. But once again, that doesn't necessarily mean pregnancy. Whatever is going on in my body, it is going through a lot and tiredness, I guess, is to be expected.
So, I live in a state of fear, hopefullness, unsure, positivity, back to fear. It just goes on and on. Other times, I place my hands on my belly and talk to my embies and try and get any sensations of them being there and growing. Sometimes I think I am aware of something, an energy, an awareness. But who knows. I had the same feeling before and things didn't work out in the end. I stay hopeful though.
Monday, March 18, 2013
A new symptom and some relief!
I had to call the clinic today because, just to add to the list of side effects and things I have to take, I have developed thrush! I was worried about what that would do to the potential pregnancy and what I could take to treat it. In the past, the only thing that has worked for me has been the one dose tablet, the creams have never been successful. However I can't take the tablet, I have to do the cream, so fingers crossed it works. That means in the morning I do the thrush cream and in the evening the crinone. Ah, the things we do!! I was warned it might all be a little messy. Ooooooo!!
I am just completely relieved that the thrush infection will not harm the embryos. The nurse said that some women do get thrush as a result of all the hormones we are taking. I haven't experienced it before so something different yet again for this cycle! I found it amazing how every cycle has been so different. Our bodies are just incredible works of art!
It was really good to talk to the nurses today after having the weekend with no contact. I guess I built up a few questions without realising it because I asked a lot and learnt a lot!
I was relieved to know that the only thing that will affect the embryos is overheating. Not any activity I do such as housework etc. I must make sure my core temperature does not get too high. All the other pains I have been having are the ovaries still healing from theatre and the multitude of hormones - nothing to do with the embryos. Phewww! I did suspect that, going on the position of the pain, but it was a relief to hear it from the professionals.
Jane (my fav nurse!) said that I can do all my activities as normal, but as soon as I feel any pain to stop and either not do it, or pass it on to Dave.
I have been feeling a lot better today and managed a medium paced 30 minute walk this morning. I stayed close to home, walking back and forth along the streets, in case I needed to come back and I was definitely ready to return after 25 minutes. I've also done a little bit of housework but found that it stirred up some ovary pain and discomfort and I stopped.
So, its still been resting today and light activities. I've sorted out my school bag (small suitcase on wheels) so I'm not carrying so many teaching materials and that has left me enough space to put my computer in the suitcase. One less thing over my shoulder. I will get Dave to weigh it tonight and make sure it is not over 10 kilos - the limit the OB said I should lift. I only have a short day tomorrow, so that will be good.
I feel a large sense of relief at what I have learnt today. My babies are secure and safe and hopefully continuing to grow and flourish.
Love and Light
xx
I am just completely relieved that the thrush infection will not harm the embryos. The nurse said that some women do get thrush as a result of all the hormones we are taking. I haven't experienced it before so something different yet again for this cycle! I found it amazing how every cycle has been so different. Our bodies are just incredible works of art!
It was really good to talk to the nurses today after having the weekend with no contact. I guess I built up a few questions without realising it because I asked a lot and learnt a lot!
I was relieved to know that the only thing that will affect the embryos is overheating. Not any activity I do such as housework etc. I must make sure my core temperature does not get too high. All the other pains I have been having are the ovaries still healing from theatre and the multitude of hormones - nothing to do with the embryos. Phewww! I did suspect that, going on the position of the pain, but it was a relief to hear it from the professionals.
Jane (my fav nurse!) said that I can do all my activities as normal, but as soon as I feel any pain to stop and either not do it, or pass it on to Dave.
I have been feeling a lot better today and managed a medium paced 30 minute walk this morning. I stayed close to home, walking back and forth along the streets, in case I needed to come back and I was definitely ready to return after 25 minutes. I've also done a little bit of housework but found that it stirred up some ovary pain and discomfort and I stopped.
So, its still been resting today and light activities. I've sorted out my school bag (small suitcase on wheels) so I'm not carrying so many teaching materials and that has left me enough space to put my computer in the suitcase. One less thing over my shoulder. I will get Dave to weigh it tonight and make sure it is not over 10 kilos - the limit the OB said I should lift. I only have a short day tomorrow, so that will be good.
I feel a large sense of relief at what I have learnt today. My babies are secure and safe and hopefully continuing to grow and flourish.
Love and Light
xx
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Treatment sessions and the 2WW
The Two Week Wait.
It is most definitely here. And once again, things are different this time around.
I've never had a problem with the TWW before. We've waited the two weeks every cycle for 4 years. It's always just been part of the course. Whether through stimulated cylce or natural. But this time, with the hopes and dreams I have for this cycle, and the way things have been going so well for the first time in one of my rounds, I started feeling the tension yesterday.
I also started feeling fears that embryos weren't growing or that something was going wrong. And I realised what a roller coaster ride I am in for the next two weeks.
I've been in a lot of pain and discomfort and I feet the need for the next few days to really relax and take it easy and lay down a lot. In fact, it has also been forced on me as well. Even doing the dishes yesterday brought about abdominal pains. But the moment I felt them, I stopped the dishes and lay down.
I understand where the fears are coming from, but I refuse to let them take hold. Instead I've been focusing on Love and Light. I've been meditating on them and feeling both of these flowing through me, through my chakras and into my womb. Feeling the breath of God.
My kinesiology session yesterday was amazing and has really helped me to be able to feel these things.
The first thing she was led to were my ovaries which she said were dehydrated. Makes sense. They've gone through a lot. She worked on them and also on stimulating the energy in my uterus, getting the blood flowing and getting it all ready to receive the embryos.
For my part, I have continued to drink 2.5 litres of water a day, and constantly go to the toilet!! Yet despite all the water I am drinking, my lips are really dry and sore and need constant lip balm - a sign of dehydration. But I can't drink anymore than I am. I would have to just stay on the toilet all day if I did!!! :) So, I'm also concentrating on eating foods that are hydrating as well as full of nutrients.
The kinesiologist also worked on aligning the energy throughout my body, allowing the channels to flow and making it easy for new little energies to find their way! The words I left with are:
And finally, my naturopath/masseur. The fact that that appointment occurred the day before transfer is really significant. The massages that I usually need, I won't be able to have when pregnant because she works on areas that can also encourage contrations. So, it was wonderful to be able to have, what will hopefully be my last full massage for the next 9 months! And once again, some of the points that she found were all about good blood flow to my uterus amongst other things.
A perfect pre-transfer day!
It is most definitely here. And once again, things are different this time around.
I've never had a problem with the TWW before. We've waited the two weeks every cycle for 4 years. It's always just been part of the course. Whether through stimulated cylce or natural. But this time, with the hopes and dreams I have for this cycle, and the way things have been going so well for the first time in one of my rounds, I started feeling the tension yesterday.
I also started feeling fears that embryos weren't growing or that something was going wrong. And I realised what a roller coaster ride I am in for the next two weeks.
I've been in a lot of pain and discomfort and I feet the need for the next few days to really relax and take it easy and lay down a lot. In fact, it has also been forced on me as well. Even doing the dishes yesterday brought about abdominal pains. But the moment I felt them, I stopped the dishes and lay down.
I understand where the fears are coming from, but I refuse to let them take hold. Instead I've been focusing on Love and Light. I've been meditating on them and feeling both of these flowing through me, through my chakras and into my womb. Feeling the breath of God.
My kinesiology session yesterday was amazing and has really helped me to be able to feel these things.
The first thing she was led to were my ovaries which she said were dehydrated. Makes sense. They've gone through a lot. She worked on them and also on stimulating the energy in my uterus, getting the blood flowing and getting it all ready to receive the embryos.
For my part, I have continued to drink 2.5 litres of water a day, and constantly go to the toilet!! Yet despite all the water I am drinking, my lips are really dry and sore and need constant lip balm - a sign of dehydration. But I can't drink anymore than I am. I would have to just stay on the toilet all day if I did!!! :) So, I'm also concentrating on eating foods that are hydrating as well as full of nutrients.
The kinesiologist also worked on aligning the energy throughout my body, allowing the channels to flow and making it easy for new little energies to find their way! The words I left with are:
- Joy, acceptance and unconditional love
- Self worth, self love
- Trust and higher self alignment
- Hydration and Nutrition
And finally, my naturopath/masseur. The fact that that appointment occurred the day before transfer is really significant. The massages that I usually need, I won't be able to have when pregnant because she works on areas that can also encourage contrations. So, it was wonderful to be able to have, what will hopefully be my last full massage for the next 9 months! And once again, some of the points that she found were all about good blood flow to my uterus amongst other things.
A perfect pre-transfer day!
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Post Theatre
Theatre went well yesterday.
Aside from the anaesthetist who, upon having trouble getting the needle into my hand, tried to put it into my wrist instead. The pain was excriating. He then gave me gas to relax me so he could try to get it into my other hand. Of course I was even more tense after what he had just done to my hand and wrist! And I hated the gas as well. It was awful. But finally the needle went in the other hand. Why he didn't try my other hand first before trying my wrist is beyond me.
When I woke from theatre the only pain I had was the excriating pain in my wrist. My abdomen was fine! I couldn't move my arm at all without agony. My wrist was iced by the nurses and a cream put on it to try to bring out the bruising and encourage faster healing. Today it is better, but I still need to be careful. I can type in short bursts (this post is taking a long time to put together!), but I can't undo bottles/jars or do up my bra! I made sure to get dressed before Dave left for work so he could help me :) So, no permanent damage to my wrist thank goodness. Just a really nasty bruise covering my inner wrist and a dark red blotch where the needle went in.
We got 7 eggs which the OB was happy with. I was hoping for 8-10, but 7 is still good. After all, we only need one good one! Of those 7, one was immature and one didn't fertilise. So we have 5 embryos starting to grow! Fingers crossed they continue to grow!
Wednesday I start the Crinone (progesterone cream).
Thursday I start aspirin 100 mg and Clexane 40 mg.
One of the results of my multiple blood screenings was that I have a problem with blood clotting. I don't know what that means in regards to my overall health, I will investigate that further later on. But in regards to pregnancy, it means that it can be more difficult for implantation to fully take hold. So, I will be on these two drugs until further notice. The clexane is another daily injection - just great! Not!
Friday we go in for the transfer - fingers crossed of course that we get at least one good embryo.
Monday I go into the clinic for a pregnyl 500iu injection. I haven't had this one before either. This one helps keep the lining of the womb all nice and juicy for implantation.
And then on Wednesday the 27th, if I haven't started my period, I go in for a pregnancy test.
My OB is pulling out all the stops for this one. Giving it everything she can. I'm glad. Because I really don't think I can go through it again. Especially theatre. The anxiety I feel going in there is so high and I so wanted to jump off that bed and say "I'm calling it off, I'm calling it off". But of course I didn't.
And theatre is still not the end of it as you can see from the list above. I'm tired of being poked and prodded. I'm tired of feeling so many array of emotions and physical symptoms. I'm really tired of injections. My coping skills are really struggling with that one.
Please, please, please let this one work.
Aside from the anaesthetist who, upon having trouble getting the needle into my hand, tried to put it into my wrist instead. The pain was excriating. He then gave me gas to relax me so he could try to get it into my other hand. Of course I was even more tense after what he had just done to my hand and wrist! And I hated the gas as well. It was awful. But finally the needle went in the other hand. Why he didn't try my other hand first before trying my wrist is beyond me.
When I woke from theatre the only pain I had was the excriating pain in my wrist. My abdomen was fine! I couldn't move my arm at all without agony. My wrist was iced by the nurses and a cream put on it to try to bring out the bruising and encourage faster healing. Today it is better, but I still need to be careful. I can type in short bursts (this post is taking a long time to put together!), but I can't undo bottles/jars or do up my bra! I made sure to get dressed before Dave left for work so he could help me :) So, no permanent damage to my wrist thank goodness. Just a really nasty bruise covering my inner wrist and a dark red blotch where the needle went in.
We got 7 eggs which the OB was happy with. I was hoping for 8-10, but 7 is still good. After all, we only need one good one! Of those 7, one was immature and one didn't fertilise. So we have 5 embryos starting to grow! Fingers crossed they continue to grow!
Wednesday I start the Crinone (progesterone cream).
Thursday I start aspirin 100 mg and Clexane 40 mg.
One of the results of my multiple blood screenings was that I have a problem with blood clotting. I don't know what that means in regards to my overall health, I will investigate that further later on. But in regards to pregnancy, it means that it can be more difficult for implantation to fully take hold. So, I will be on these two drugs until further notice. The clexane is another daily injection - just great! Not!
Friday we go in for the transfer - fingers crossed of course that we get at least one good embryo.
Monday I go into the clinic for a pregnyl 500iu injection. I haven't had this one before either. This one helps keep the lining of the womb all nice and juicy for implantation.
And then on Wednesday the 27th, if I haven't started my period, I go in for a pregnancy test.
My OB is pulling out all the stops for this one. Giving it everything she can. I'm glad. Because I really don't think I can go through it again. Especially theatre. The anxiety I feel going in there is so high and I so wanted to jump off that bed and say "I'm calling it off, I'm calling it off". But of course I didn't.
And theatre is still not the end of it as you can see from the list above. I'm tired of being poked and prodded. I'm tired of feeling so many array of emotions and physical symptoms. I'm really tired of injections. My coping skills are really struggling with that one.
Please, please, please let this one work.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
The days before egg harvest
The days continue to chop and change with side effects. I had a great day on Friday but totally collapsed in exhaustion late afternoon and that continued throughout Saturday. Then I picked up Saturday night and wasn't able to sleep till midnight! Go figure! Today I am once again feeling quite weary.
Wednesday I had my last scan before harvest on Monday. My follicles have continued to develop and there were around 10 measuring 13-14mm. So, I would imagine they have reached the goal size of 17mm by now. I'm feeling sore and heavy in the ovaries and I find that if I have a full bladder it is more uncomfortable!
We did the last puregon and orgalutron injections on Friday night and did the trigger injection (ovidrel) last night (Saturday). So today is a day off for injections before theatre tomorrow.
I must admit to not coping all that well in the last few days. I think doing this round on the back end of two miscarriages is taking its toll on my emotions and body. At this point, I don't know that I could go through another round. Fingers crossed we won't have to!
I also have a lot of anxiety over going under for the egg harvest. I have so many fears of it, all related to my physical well being. I always fear the worst. I just need to remember that I get knocked out and then in the next blink of an eye it is all over. And that during the procedure I am under good care. If anything goes wrong, I have an absolutely awesome doctor, in fact I will have two doctors for this procedure, so I am being well looked after. It doesn't take away my fear but I am focusing in on those thoughts to help me.
Today we are hanging out with some friends. They are moving house in a couple of weeks and I offered to help them pack. It will be a good distraction as well as great company for the day. I'll do what I can energy wise and I know Dave will keep an eye out for me and not let me do too much.
I'm looking forward to the next week moving along quickly. The 5 day wait after the harvest to find out if we have any good embryos and then the transfer procedure. All things I will be glad to have completed.
Wish me luck for Monday's harvest!
Wednesday I had my last scan before harvest on Monday. My follicles have continued to develop and there were around 10 measuring 13-14mm. So, I would imagine they have reached the goal size of 17mm by now. I'm feeling sore and heavy in the ovaries and I find that if I have a full bladder it is more uncomfortable!
We did the last puregon and orgalutron injections on Friday night and did the trigger injection (ovidrel) last night (Saturday). So today is a day off for injections before theatre tomorrow.
I must admit to not coping all that well in the last few days. I think doing this round on the back end of two miscarriages is taking its toll on my emotions and body. At this point, I don't know that I could go through another round. Fingers crossed we won't have to!
I also have a lot of anxiety over going under for the egg harvest. I have so many fears of it, all related to my physical well being. I always fear the worst. I just need to remember that I get knocked out and then in the next blink of an eye it is all over. And that during the procedure I am under good care. If anything goes wrong, I have an absolutely awesome doctor, in fact I will have two doctors for this procedure, so I am being well looked after. It doesn't take away my fear but I am focusing in on those thoughts to help me.
Today we are hanging out with some friends. They are moving house in a couple of weeks and I offered to help them pack. It will be a good distraction as well as great company for the day. I'll do what I can energy wise and I know Dave will keep an eye out for me and not let me do too much.
I'm looking forward to the next week moving along quickly. The 5 day wait after the harvest to find out if we have any good embryos and then the transfer procedure. All things I will be glad to have completed.
Wish me luck for Monday's harvest!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
The next step toward parenthood
Friday saw us back to the fertility clinic for our OB appointment. It was the first time we have ever seen a real hopefulness from her! She has always been very supportive and encouraging and has always maintained our own sense of hope, but she was always conservative in her own beliefs for our success. My age, history and her own experience of woman in their 40's was the reason for her conservativeness.
Now however, things have changed - both for her and us. In the last two weeks, she has had success with another woman in my age bracket and she is so excited about it! That, along with my last two natural pregnancies has given her much cause for hope and she is doing everything she can to try to reach another good outcome! She is just as eager as we are to find that one, or two!, good embryos.
That gives us even more hope!
While my insulin tests are still in the normal range, they are on the high end. Always on the cutting edge, our OB has been involved in new research that has shown that high insulin can be a factor in miscarriages. So, I have been put on a low dosage medication to bring my insulin levels down. The only problem is that I think I may be suspectible to the one side effect she mentioned - gastro. Yesterday was my first day on the meds and last night showed an inkling of that side effect. We will see how things go!!
Everything is in place now for our next ICSI round to begin when I start my next cycle. Dave hit the road this morning for a two week work trip, so I will have to inject myself for a little while. If I don't start for another week (which I am guessing will probably be the case), he will be back in plenty of time for his part in the process. Otherwise he will cut his work trip short, which would be a real pain in the neck for him. Fingers crossed the timing all works out for the best.
I am looking forward to starting again. I really am hopeful and, no matter what happens during the round, I love being pro-active in our journey toward parenthood. I love knowing that we are being treated and monitored toward pregnancy, taking out the random chance that we have lived with for so long. Bring it on!!
Life has continued to be better for me. I am still feeling much more energized and my enthusiasm for life is still growing back to its normal state! I am grateful to be on the healing side of the last two miscarriages.
--------------------------
So, now for the wedding picture! I loved this spot and found it through another bride who got married at our venue a few weeks before hand. The wedding co-ordinator said it was roughly "over there somewhere!!", so a week before our wedding, I went to the national park next to the venue and hunted through until I found this location just a short 5 minute walk away from the gate.
Now however, things have changed - both for her and us. In the last two weeks, she has had success with another woman in my age bracket and she is so excited about it! That, along with my last two natural pregnancies has given her much cause for hope and she is doing everything she can to try to reach another good outcome! She is just as eager as we are to find that one, or two!, good embryos.
That gives us even more hope!
While my insulin tests are still in the normal range, they are on the high end. Always on the cutting edge, our OB has been involved in new research that has shown that high insulin can be a factor in miscarriages. So, I have been put on a low dosage medication to bring my insulin levels down. The only problem is that I think I may be suspectible to the one side effect she mentioned - gastro. Yesterday was my first day on the meds and last night showed an inkling of that side effect. We will see how things go!!
Everything is in place now for our next ICSI round to begin when I start my next cycle. Dave hit the road this morning for a two week work trip, so I will have to inject myself for a little while. If I don't start for another week (which I am guessing will probably be the case), he will be back in plenty of time for his part in the process. Otherwise he will cut his work trip short, which would be a real pain in the neck for him. Fingers crossed the timing all works out for the best.
I am looking forward to starting again. I really am hopeful and, no matter what happens during the round, I love being pro-active in our journey toward parenthood. I love knowing that we are being treated and monitored toward pregnancy, taking out the random chance that we have lived with for so long. Bring it on!!
Life has continued to be better for me. I am still feeling much more energized and my enthusiasm for life is still growing back to its normal state! I am grateful to be on the healing side of the last two miscarriages.
--------------------------
So, now for the wedding picture! I loved this spot and found it through another bride who got married at our venue a few weeks before hand. The wedding co-ordinator said it was roughly "over there somewhere!!", so a week before our wedding, I went to the national park next to the venue and hunted through until I found this location just a short 5 minute walk away from the gate.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Another brief pregnancy
Following on from conceiving after we got married and not succeeding with that pregnancy, I then proceeded to conceive again the very next cycle - on our honeymoon! That also would have been a good story - but was also not to be.
This loss was so much harder for so many reasons. Two in a row. And also this one went for longer and started with a little bit of hope.
My hormone levels were monitored right from the moment I knew that I had implanted. The first two tests gave us some hope. But more importantly this pregnancy FELT different. I felt as though I had a little life growing in me, I felt a connection, a prescence. It might sound strange and I don't know what other women have experienced in that regard. But I felt something completely different to the other two times.
So when we got the third blood test that showed that things were progressing as they should, we were so disappointed. For another three weeks I was monitored. The pregnancy kept hobbling along with no real progress, but my hcg levels kept rising just a little bit every time. However, instead of doubling every 2 days, I would only go up my 20. By the end of those three weeks, instead of being in the thousands, I was at 180.
And then I started bleeding. And I shut down. Even now, I am still struggling, but I'm better. I lost any interest in anything. I stayed home, didn't do anything, watched TV. Every now and then something would grab my attention and I would be so glad to do it. But for the most part, there was nothing. Not even any tears. Just nothing.
I was grateful to be on school holidays and I didn't judge myself for my behaviour. I just let it all happen and allowed myself to respond in whatever way I needed.
I bled for a week, then a week later I started bleeding again. It was old blood that still needed to remove itself. It was unpleasant. And has nearly lasted for a week so far.
This loss has hit me hard. I finally cried about it a few days ago. Even now, writing this, the tears are welling up. We were so desperate to start an IVF round in November last year. To grab those eggs of mine before they got any older. To be assured of getting a good embryo to transfer. Now, two natural invalid pregnancies later, we are still waiting and my eggs are getting older.
So this cycle, there will no unprotected sex!! It helps that Dave is away for most of the month with work! And we will try for our fourth ICSI round next cycle.
I have had copious amounts of blood taken and am being tested for all sorts of things, including the antiobodies that can cause miscarriage. So far all the tests have come back healthy, but the antibodies test takes longer to come in. It could be a few more weeks yet before we now that one.
The positive thing in all of this, is that my body is trying to get pregnant. We went three and a half years with only one pregnancy in that time and now... two cycles in a row, I have conceived. Something has changed.
Whatever the reason, it has given us, and even my doctor, a little more hope that if we can just find the right embryo, things will turn out well.
This loss was so much harder for so many reasons. Two in a row. And also this one went for longer and started with a little bit of hope.
My hormone levels were monitored right from the moment I knew that I had implanted. The first two tests gave us some hope. But more importantly this pregnancy FELT different. I felt as though I had a little life growing in me, I felt a connection, a prescence. It might sound strange and I don't know what other women have experienced in that regard. But I felt something completely different to the other two times.
So when we got the third blood test that showed that things were progressing as they should, we were so disappointed. For another three weeks I was monitored. The pregnancy kept hobbling along with no real progress, but my hcg levels kept rising just a little bit every time. However, instead of doubling every 2 days, I would only go up my 20. By the end of those three weeks, instead of being in the thousands, I was at 180.
And then I started bleeding. And I shut down. Even now, I am still struggling, but I'm better. I lost any interest in anything. I stayed home, didn't do anything, watched TV. Every now and then something would grab my attention and I would be so glad to do it. But for the most part, there was nothing. Not even any tears. Just nothing.
I was grateful to be on school holidays and I didn't judge myself for my behaviour. I just let it all happen and allowed myself to respond in whatever way I needed.
I bled for a week, then a week later I started bleeding again. It was old blood that still needed to remove itself. It was unpleasant. And has nearly lasted for a week so far.
This loss has hit me hard. I finally cried about it a few days ago. Even now, writing this, the tears are welling up. We were so desperate to start an IVF round in November last year. To grab those eggs of mine before they got any older. To be assured of getting a good embryo to transfer. Now, two natural invalid pregnancies later, we are still waiting and my eggs are getting older.
So this cycle, there will no unprotected sex!! It helps that Dave is away for most of the month with work! And we will try for our fourth ICSI round next cycle.
I have had copious amounts of blood taken and am being tested for all sorts of things, including the antiobodies that can cause miscarriage. So far all the tests have come back healthy, but the antibodies test takes longer to come in. It could be a few more weeks yet before we now that one.
The positive thing in all of this, is that my body is trying to get pregnant. We went three and a half years with only one pregnancy in that time and now... two cycles in a row, I have conceived. Something has changed.
- I think a lot of it has to do with having the polyp removed from my uterine wall last round.
- It is also the prayers that were being said for an entire month by the monks in Japan which my beautiful friend organised for me on her holidays.
- It could be the kinesiology sessions I have been having and the counselling sessions that are matching up with the kinesiology in a way that is just a little freaky.
- I also like to think it's because we are married now.
Whatever the reason, it has given us, and even my doctor, a little more hope that if we can just find the right embryo, things will turn out well.
Monday, November 12, 2012
IVF round two
Round Two was a long time ago now. Back in August I think. Once again there were complications.
After my first scan to check the progress of the follicular growth, it was discovered that I had a polyp on my uterine wall. The clinic sent me off for a 3D scan to get a good look at it.
The waiting room for the 3D scan was filled with pregnant women with their young children running around their feet. They were there to get a look at their new growing child. I was there from complications with just trying to get one. But the scan staff were fantastic, kind and caring and the experience went off without a hitch.
The polyp was confirmed and that meant that during my harvest surgery, they would remove it. It also meant that any embryos would need to be frozen because they wouldn't be able to be put transfer them after the surgery to remove the polyp.
The surgery turned out to be a little more complicated, because the polyp was embedded in the uterine wall. Rather than tying it off and removing it, they had to cut into the wall and dig it out. Yuck!!!
And also my ovaries had decided to hide away and they had to push and prod them into place to get out the follicles. Unfortunately, they weren't able to get them all.
We only got 6 eggs that round. I think five of them fertilised, but only one grew to a size that was valid. However, that one was a much better quality than the one we got last time. So, it was frozen and is waiting for us to implant.
Our Round Three was going to just be a harvest. We were going to freeze any embryos we got rather than implanting straight away. The reasons were multiple.
One, there is quite an argument now about whether it is better to freeze and implant into a natural cycle or put the fresh embryos into a stimulated cycle. Many clinics are now exclusively doing the freeze and implant later.
Second, I was really keen to do a harvest and freeze before we left for our honeymoon. Every month that passes, is a month more aging of my eggs. I so wanted to get some more and not let two more months pass. So, that is another thing so dissappointing about our round three. We weren't able to get any embryos.
My OB is on the fence with regards to natural versus frozen transfer. However, with the other circumstances going on for us right now that would cause emotional stress which is not good for the success of a round, she agreed that it was best to freeze and implant in January. With that not happening due to the complications of round three, we will probably do a full round including fresh transfer in January, rather than freeze.
Now, I am concerned about the timing of round 4. It all depends on when my next period occurs. They have predicted 10 - 14 days after the trigger injection. Which means I could start my period after that during the Christmas/New Year week when they are closed. That would just suck. So when I go for my blood tests on Friday, I will talk them about all of that. We still have the drugs, so it is possible we will be able to start ourselves for the first few days and see them straight away in the the New Year. Or maybe we will just conceive naturally on our honeymoon cruise to New Zealand!!! Now that would be awesome!! And the timing could be right!
January will be a great month for me to do a round. It will be the summer holidays, I will be totally relaxed and refreshed from our cruise and I will be stress free with no work until February. Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out.
After my first scan to check the progress of the follicular growth, it was discovered that I had a polyp on my uterine wall. The clinic sent me off for a 3D scan to get a good look at it.
The waiting room for the 3D scan was filled with pregnant women with their young children running around their feet. They were there to get a look at their new growing child. I was there from complications with just trying to get one. But the scan staff were fantastic, kind and caring and the experience went off without a hitch.
The polyp was confirmed and that meant that during my harvest surgery, they would remove it. It also meant that any embryos would need to be frozen because they wouldn't be able to be put transfer them after the surgery to remove the polyp.
The surgery turned out to be a little more complicated, because the polyp was embedded in the uterine wall. Rather than tying it off and removing it, they had to cut into the wall and dig it out. Yuck!!!
And also my ovaries had decided to hide away and they had to push and prod them into place to get out the follicles. Unfortunately, they weren't able to get them all.
We only got 6 eggs that round. I think five of them fertilised, but only one grew to a size that was valid. However, that one was a much better quality than the one we got last time. So, it was frozen and is waiting for us to implant.
Our Round Three was going to just be a harvest. We were going to freeze any embryos we got rather than implanting straight away. The reasons were multiple.
One, there is quite an argument now about whether it is better to freeze and implant into a natural cycle or put the fresh embryos into a stimulated cycle. Many clinics are now exclusively doing the freeze and implant later.
Second, I was really keen to do a harvest and freeze before we left for our honeymoon. Every month that passes, is a month more aging of my eggs. I so wanted to get some more and not let two more months pass. So, that is another thing so dissappointing about our round three. We weren't able to get any embryos.
My OB is on the fence with regards to natural versus frozen transfer. However, with the other circumstances going on for us right now that would cause emotional stress which is not good for the success of a round, she agreed that it was best to freeze and implant in January. With that not happening due to the complications of round three, we will probably do a full round including fresh transfer in January, rather than freeze.
Now, I am concerned about the timing of round 4. It all depends on when my next period occurs. They have predicted 10 - 14 days after the trigger injection. Which means I could start my period after that during the Christmas/New Year week when they are closed. That would just suck. So when I go for my blood tests on Friday, I will talk them about all of that. We still have the drugs, so it is possible we will be able to start ourselves for the first few days and see them straight away in the the New Year. Or maybe we will just conceive naturally on our honeymoon cruise to New Zealand!!! Now that would be awesome!! And the timing could be right!
January will be a great month for me to do a round. It will be the summer holidays, I will be totally relaxed and refreshed from our cruise and I will be stress free with no work until February. Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out.
IVF round 3
The roller coaster ride has continued throughout our ivf rounds two and three.
This last round (round three) began with us saying to ourselves, that after round two, that we were due are nice and straight forward round. Instead, what happened was we started the drugs, then found out I was pregnant, stopped the drugs, tried the support the pregnancy which was unsuccessful, then found out that my follicles were still growing, had to trigger them to release so I wouldn't develop any cysts on the ovaries, but weren't able to harvest them because my hormones were all mixed up with pregnancy hormones and progesterone hormones from trying to sustain pregnancy and excess eostrogen from starting the round and then we had to abstain from intimacy as there was a chance of multiple pregnancy from the follicles that were released.
In a nutshell.
How did it happen that we even started the cycle? Well, I had a bleed. It was unusual, but I still thought that it was a period. My OB was away, she gave a phone approval for us to start and then we saw her a few days later when she returned. After we started and I saw how my "period" continued, I was unsure about whether I had started taking the drugs on the right day. I asked her about this and she questioned me on my "period" symptoms, she straight away sent me for a blood test. She suspected it may have been a pregnancy - and my bleed was either a heavy implantation bleed, or maybe a pregnancy really not getting off the ground and my body was all confused.
She assured me I didn't need to worry about the injections I had taken so far. If anything, they would have helped the pregnancy. But she definitely didn't want me starting the second lot of drugs which I was due to start the next day.
I am SO glad I talked to her about what I thought was my period. Otherwise we would have gone through the whole round oblivious to the pregnancy, spent thousands of dollars and gotten to theater possibly with no result or nothing viable. The whole thing was totally screwed up.
Since then, I have had to go through multiple ovulation symptoms, my body preparing for a pregnancy and not succeeding, the emotions of the hormones as well as the emotions naturally caused by the circumstances. The physical symptoms have been huge - all the way to completely erect, hard and painful nipples. Boy, the things we have to go through.
The one thing I really don't understand is the Catch 22 of the follicles. The clinic is doing the right thing and being cautious on both sides, but it is confusing and frustrating. One one hand, the OB won't go to theatre and harvest because of the pregnancy hormones that will be putting everything off. On the other hand, the follicles are still growing, need to be triggered to release and we have to abstain from intimacy because of the chance of multiple pregnancy.
I feel like there a half a dozen of my eggs just going to waste. And that is so upsetting.
On the other hand, the last thing I want to do is be initimate. My uterus and ovaries hurt too much to do anything. I just couldn't deal with it!
So round three was a big flop. So much for being due and nice and easy round.
The good thing is that we were given a full refund and will try again in January when we get back from our honeymoon. And as for the honeymoon, we get to sit around the pool with alcoholic drinks rather than mocktails! While I would rather be pregnant, I am looking forward to that!!! :)
This last round (round three) began with us saying to ourselves, that after round two, that we were due are nice and straight forward round. Instead, what happened was we started the drugs, then found out I was pregnant, stopped the drugs, tried the support the pregnancy which was unsuccessful, then found out that my follicles were still growing, had to trigger them to release so I wouldn't develop any cysts on the ovaries, but weren't able to harvest them because my hormones were all mixed up with pregnancy hormones and progesterone hormones from trying to sustain pregnancy and excess eostrogen from starting the round and then we had to abstain from intimacy as there was a chance of multiple pregnancy from the follicles that were released.
In a nutshell.
How did it happen that we even started the cycle? Well, I had a bleed. It was unusual, but I still thought that it was a period. My OB was away, she gave a phone approval for us to start and then we saw her a few days later when she returned. After we started and I saw how my "period" continued, I was unsure about whether I had started taking the drugs on the right day. I asked her about this and she questioned me on my "period" symptoms, she straight away sent me for a blood test. She suspected it may have been a pregnancy - and my bleed was either a heavy implantation bleed, or maybe a pregnancy really not getting off the ground and my body was all confused.
She assured me I didn't need to worry about the injections I had taken so far. If anything, they would have helped the pregnancy. But she definitely didn't want me starting the second lot of drugs which I was due to start the next day.
I am SO glad I talked to her about what I thought was my period. Otherwise we would have gone through the whole round oblivious to the pregnancy, spent thousands of dollars and gotten to theater possibly with no result or nothing viable. The whole thing was totally screwed up.
Since then, I have had to go through multiple ovulation symptoms, my body preparing for a pregnancy and not succeeding, the emotions of the hormones as well as the emotions naturally caused by the circumstances. The physical symptoms have been huge - all the way to completely erect, hard and painful nipples. Boy, the things we have to go through.
The one thing I really don't understand is the Catch 22 of the follicles. The clinic is doing the right thing and being cautious on both sides, but it is confusing and frustrating. One one hand, the OB won't go to theatre and harvest because of the pregnancy hormones that will be putting everything off. On the other hand, the follicles are still growing, need to be triggered to release and we have to abstain from intimacy because of the chance of multiple pregnancy.
I feel like there a half a dozen of my eggs just going to waste. And that is so upsetting.
On the other hand, the last thing I want to do is be initimate. My uterus and ovaries hurt too much to do anything. I just couldn't deal with it!
So round three was a big flop. So much for being due and nice and easy round.
The good thing is that we were given a full refund and will try again in January when we get back from our honeymoon. And as for the honeymoon, we get to sit around the pool with alcoholic drinks rather than mocktails! While I would rather be pregnant, I am looking forward to that!!! :)
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
IVF round one
Well, we have finished our first round of IVF – unsuccessfully. I have a month off now to recover and then we go again.
Unfortunately, we only got one viable embryo, which was of course implanted. So with no frozen embryos to use, I need to go through the whole process again to produce more eggs.
It was a difficult month. I didn’t have any trouble with the injections nor did I go through any mood swings which was great. But I was exhausted. All the time exhausted.
And then there was the ovary bleed. After the egg retrieval, I had what I thought was the usual discomfort after this procedure, only to wake up in complete and utter agony in the middle of the night. It was excruciating. Fortunately our clinic has a 24 hour service and we called them at 1 am.
The doctor on call was fantastic. He diagnosed what was wrong and I went on a high dose of pain medication and we were able to manage. I couldn’t move on my own, couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t straighten. It hurt so much to pee even. I was on my back for a week. And then I continued to get spasms of pain right up until I sadly got my period. I knew something wasn’t right. I said to Dave “being pregnant shouldn’t feel like this”. That night we found out I wasn’t.
Even now, a week after my period has finished, I still feel mild symptoms of discomfort which could be the residue of the reproduction system getting a complete battering!
The next working day after the bleed began, I was at the clinic having blood tests and scans to confirm the diagnosis. Fortunately it wasn’t ovarian hyperstimulation, but a bleed from the ovary. The doctor is not sure whether it began a day after the surgery or was a slow bleed that took a while to manifest. Either way, it didn’t matter, we knew what was wrong.
In the end, I had two weeks off work from the exhaustion before the retrieval and then from the bleed. The end result of all of that, is that I have cut my teaching back a day. There is no way I can go through all of that again and try and maintain the same workload. I am so relieved!! As of now, I am teaching one day less. Woohoo!
We learnt a lot from the egg fertilisation. They got 10 eggs and they fertilised half via IVF (natural selection) and half via ICSI (where they inject the sperm into the egg.)
From the IVF procedure we only got one embryo. Apparently as you get older, the outer lining of the egg hardens and it is harder for the sperm to break through. That explains a lot.
From the ICSI , we got 4 embryos!
However, none of the ICSI embryos developed. It was the IVF embryo that got through to a stage of being able to implant. But even that had a lot of fragmentation and the doctor wasn’t really happy with it.
So, over the last three years of us trying, if one of the little suckers actually managed to break through the outer lining, we may have been fertilising eggs and they just didn’t develop.
I am feeling a little disheartened with the results and what we have learnt. I knew age was a real factor but this bit of science really made it a reality. Nevertheless, we go again in a few weeks. And I need every minute of those weeks to recover – both emotionally and physically.
I’m not doing so well right now. My anxiety levels are up and I am just not with it. All I really want to do is hide away in bed and read. But after next week, I have two weeks holiday, so the timing of that is terrific!
Unfortunately, we only got one viable embryo, which was of course implanted. So with no frozen embryos to use, I need to go through the whole process again to produce more eggs.
It was a difficult month. I didn’t have any trouble with the injections nor did I go through any mood swings which was great. But I was exhausted. All the time exhausted.
And then there was the ovary bleed. After the egg retrieval, I had what I thought was the usual discomfort after this procedure, only to wake up in complete and utter agony in the middle of the night. It was excruciating. Fortunately our clinic has a 24 hour service and we called them at 1 am.
The doctor on call was fantastic. He diagnosed what was wrong and I went on a high dose of pain medication and we were able to manage. I couldn’t move on my own, couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t straighten. It hurt so much to pee even. I was on my back for a week. And then I continued to get spasms of pain right up until I sadly got my period. I knew something wasn’t right. I said to Dave “being pregnant shouldn’t feel like this”. That night we found out I wasn’t.
Even now, a week after my period has finished, I still feel mild symptoms of discomfort which could be the residue of the reproduction system getting a complete battering!The next working day after the bleed began, I was at the clinic having blood tests and scans to confirm the diagnosis. Fortunately it wasn’t ovarian hyperstimulation, but a bleed from the ovary. The doctor is not sure whether it began a day after the surgery or was a slow bleed that took a while to manifest. Either way, it didn’t matter, we knew what was wrong.
In the end, I had two weeks off work from the exhaustion before the retrieval and then from the bleed. The end result of all of that, is that I have cut my teaching back a day. There is no way I can go through all of that again and try and maintain the same workload. I am so relieved!! As of now, I am teaching one day less. Woohoo!
We learnt a lot from the egg fertilisation. They got 10 eggs and they fertilised half via IVF (natural selection) and half via ICSI (where they inject the sperm into the egg.)
From the IVF procedure we only got one embryo. Apparently as you get older, the outer lining of the egg hardens and it is harder for the sperm to break through. That explains a lot.
From the ICSI , we got 4 embryos!
However, none of the ICSI embryos developed. It was the IVF embryo that got through to a stage of being able to implant. But even that had a lot of fragmentation and the doctor wasn’t really happy with it.
So, over the last three years of us trying, if one of the little suckers actually managed to break through the outer lining, we may have been fertilising eggs and they just didn’t develop.
I am feeling a little disheartened with the results and what we have learnt. I knew age was a real factor but this bit of science really made it a reality. Nevertheless, we go again in a few weeks. And I need every minute of those weeks to recover – both emotionally and physically.
I’m not doing so well right now. My anxiety levels are up and I am just not with it. All I really want to do is hide away in bed and read. But after next week, I have two weeks holiday, so the timing of that is terrific!
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