I sometimes think of transferring my words to a private diary. There once was a time when I wrote not just for me, but for others who were finding support in their own journey's. Things are different now. I don't have the energy to devote to searching for others who are on the same path and to regularly follow blogs. It's all I can do to get through the day - to try and keep up with my work schedule in between resting as much as I need to. Many things have fallen behind, but I am content to focus on those two things - work and the health of my baby and myself. We have put so much into this - emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually - our baby is the one absolutely important thing into which I need to place all my energy.
For those people who are still reading and commenting, I love going onto your blogs as well and I thank you so much for your support. After all this time, there is something about hearing from people who know the story from the beginning and who have been supportive all the way through. Those are the people that matter - both in the real world and the on-line world - and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Yes, I guess I am feeling quite emotional today. Quite likely hormones! Of course, it is also the slow moving of days, the trials that they bring and how sometimes they just wear you down.
The wonderful news is that bubbie is still doing SO well. We had an OB appointment and another scan yesterday and we are all just sailing along. Aside from the bleed at 6 weeks, there has never been one moment where there has been any medical concern for bubs. And even that bleed was nothing to do with bubs - it was all outside of my uterus. Bubs is just sailing through! It is amazing and surreal and wonderful.
Our morphology scan is next week. That is going to be such a milestone along the journey and I can't wait! Of course, we have our fingers crossed that all will be good news, but going on the results so far - there is no reason why it shouldn't be.
As for me, I am waiting. Waiting till the day that I can feel my baby moving around and kicking. That will be a blessed day! But it might be some time coming. It turns out my placenta is in the front which means I won't feel bubs as easily. A blessing for when I am trying to sleep further along the path (!), but a delay in the day that I will be so much more secure in our pregnancy.
In the meantime, I try to be relaxed and loving and peaceful. I want to transfer those feelings onto bubs so he/she also feels safe and loved and at peace. Not always an easy task I tell you, but an important goal to continue to work on achieving.
Showing posts with label Scan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scan. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Scan update
We're back from our scan and all is looking good! Thank goodness. The baby is measuring a little small - the dating being about 6 days out. But the OB is not worried and bubby has continued to grow since Monday's scan.
It is all just amazing, but the MOST amazing thing was we were watching the incredible heartbeat - all 4 chambers clearly visible - and all of a sudden bubby starts kicking his/her legs and waving his/her arms, moving around so much!!! It was incredible. Dave and I both let out an "OH my god!!!!" and started laughing!
I don't think I've ever seen anything so wonderful! And being able to see so much activity from our child was so reassuring. Bubby is alive and active!
Now I have the headspace and heartspace to find my 'Trust' again. It's been so hard the last few days. OB Chris has booked me in Monday week for another informal scan purely for my reassurance. He is just fantastic!
When we left our appointment on Monday, I heard him ask the receptionist if Louise was in and I wondered if that was our fertility OB. Was he going to consult with her?? And today, when he offered the extra scan, he said "after all you've been through, I'm happy to give you the reassurance". I'm wondering if he has spoken to her about us and she filled him in on some of the hardships we have faced.
On the way home, Dave also told me that when I went to toilet on Monday during the appointment, he spoke to Chris alone and said that I do have anxiety problems and he wanted to make sure I was monitored consistently so I wasn't worrying. Possibly part of the reason he offered the extra scan. I love my husband!! He is taking care of me so amazingly well. And so will OB Chris. Just one of the nicest, sincere men. I am grateful.
Love and Light
xxx
It is all just amazing, but the MOST amazing thing was we were watching the incredible heartbeat - all 4 chambers clearly visible - and all of a sudden bubby starts kicking his/her legs and waving his/her arms, moving around so much!!! It was incredible. Dave and I both let out an "OH my god!!!!" and started laughing!
I don't think I've ever seen anything so wonderful! And being able to see so much activity from our child was so reassuring. Bubby is alive and active!
Now I have the headspace and heartspace to find my 'Trust' again. It's been so hard the last few days. OB Chris has booked me in Monday week for another informal scan purely for my reassurance. He is just fantastic!
When we left our appointment on Monday, I heard him ask the receptionist if Louise was in and I wondered if that was our fertility OB. Was he going to consult with her?? And today, when he offered the extra scan, he said "after all you've been through, I'm happy to give you the reassurance". I'm wondering if he has spoken to her about us and she filled him in on some of the hardships we have faced.
On the way home, Dave also told me that when I went to toilet on Monday during the appointment, he spoke to Chris alone and said that I do have anxiety problems and he wanted to make sure I was monitored consistently so I wasn't worrying. Possibly part of the reason he offered the extra scan. I love my husband!! He is taking care of me so amazingly well. And so will OB Chris. Just one of the nicest, sincere men. I am grateful.
Love and Light
xxx
10 weeks
We met with our new OB on Monday. He is wonderful and we are so happy with him. It doesn't matter that it takes us an hour to get there! I am just so relieved to be in good care by a lovely guy who specializes in high risk pregnancies. Very reassuring.
We had another scan which showed a wonderful heartbeat. All things were good - except for the size of our baby. The baby measured small which is not good. However, Chris (OB) was having some problems with the scanner and it is also possible that it was the position of the baby as was the case with our first scan.
So, we have another scan today in the scanning facility, not in his office. All the high tech equipment on hand and we will find out for sure. He wanted to leave it for a few days so he could see that even if the baby is small, that at least he/she is still growing.
Please keep your fingers crossed for us. I've been trying to stay calm and relaxed doing meditations and continuing to talk to our little one, but this of course is worrying me. As the weeks go by, our baby is feeling more and more a part of me. If anything goes wrong...
And to top of my week, I have had the worst case of hemorrhoids and fissure that I have ever had!! OOWWWWW! To the point that I called Dave two days "babbling hysterically" as he called it. He was home from work 20 minutes later, on the phone to the hospital, down to the chemist for medications and had me booked in to the doctor a couple of hours later. What a man!!
They started a few weeks ago, once the constipation set in. I am prone to them, however I couldn't treat them the way I normally would. So, I went down the natural path - eating prunes firstly, then taking homeopathics, extra fibre. But they continued to get worse and worse. On Monday the OB said I can actually use my normal treatment but to be cautious I should wait until 14 weeks.
Well, by the end of that day, I'm thinking I can't wait. And sure enough the next day, I was crying hysterically. We got reassurances from both the hospital and the doctor on the treatment and along with some additional medications, I am now getting better. But I am still sitting on the ring cushion!!
And of course, this is only the first trimester. I am going to really have to take care of this all the way through my pregnancy - especially third trimester. But at least from now on, I can treat it straight away. What fun!! :(
All I can say is thank goodness I am on the mend!
So now I wait patiently for our scan this afternoon, hoping for the big sigh of relief that will come with a good size and heartbeat.
Love and light
xxx
We had another scan which showed a wonderful heartbeat. All things were good - except for the size of our baby. The baby measured small which is not good. However, Chris (OB) was having some problems with the scanner and it is also possible that it was the position of the baby as was the case with our first scan.
So, we have another scan today in the scanning facility, not in his office. All the high tech equipment on hand and we will find out for sure. He wanted to leave it for a few days so he could see that even if the baby is small, that at least he/she is still growing.
Please keep your fingers crossed for us. I've been trying to stay calm and relaxed doing meditations and continuing to talk to our little one, but this of course is worrying me. As the weeks go by, our baby is feeling more and more a part of me. If anything goes wrong...
And to top of my week, I have had the worst case of hemorrhoids and fissure that I have ever had!! OOWWWWW! To the point that I called Dave two days "babbling hysterically" as he called it. He was home from work 20 minutes later, on the phone to the hospital, down to the chemist for medications and had me booked in to the doctor a couple of hours later. What a man!!
They started a few weeks ago, once the constipation set in. I am prone to them, however I couldn't treat them the way I normally would. So, I went down the natural path - eating prunes firstly, then taking homeopathics, extra fibre. But they continued to get worse and worse. On Monday the OB said I can actually use my normal treatment but to be cautious I should wait until 14 weeks.
Well, by the end of that day, I'm thinking I can't wait. And sure enough the next day, I was crying hysterically. We got reassurances from both the hospital and the doctor on the treatment and along with some additional medications, I am now getting better. But I am still sitting on the ring cushion!!
And of course, this is only the first trimester. I am going to really have to take care of this all the way through my pregnancy - especially third trimester. But at least from now on, I can treat it straight away. What fun!! :(
All I can say is thank goodness I am on the mend!
So now I wait patiently for our scan this afternoon, hoping for the big sigh of relief that will come with a good size and heartbeat.
Love and light
xxx
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
A different two week wait
Yesterday's scan also saw the end of our time with the fertility clinic. Gosh, it seems so weird to say that. Fertility clinics in some form or another have been a part of our lives for four years. And we were with our current one for 18 months.
At the end of the session, they gave us a goodie bag filled with samples of baby things and baby and pregnancy magazines. It was exciting but also scary. It just seems a bit too soon for all of that stuff.
I do feel pretty good with it all, though. My goodness, we have never gotten this far before. To know that there is a little heart beating away inside me. It's amazing! But I will be continuing to pray and meditate and keep my fingers crossed especially up until our 12 week scan.
I'm excited to be going to our new OB in two weeks. He comes highly recommended from Louise and they work quite closely together. Two weeks seems a long way away though. The longest I've gone in between checking on our progress is a week! I'm going to need to use all my deep breathing and calming techniques to stop myself from worrying. "Everything is going well" will need to be my mantra. "Everything is going well" "Everything is going well" "Everything is going well".
One of my friends is now in a position in her relationship where they are thinking about having children and she has begun taking pre-conception supplements. She is 42. I so hope it's not going to be as hard for her as it was for me. I don't know that my experience will be able to help her either. She is very strong willed in her beliefs and has to work things out in her own way. But I will be there for her no matter what happens.
No-one can really understand what it is like to be infertile if they haven't been through it. And I know how extraordinarily helpful and supportive it has been to have been able to connect with other women through their infertile blogs. I have two wonderful friends who have been incredibly supportive but no-one in real life who has experienced infertility. She can. I'd like to think that she doesn't have a long road ahead of her and perhaps we will even be pregnant together. But I know all too well about the problems with the aging of ones eggs after 40. And she has less time to work it out than I did. I started at 40. I have my fingers crossed for her as well!!
In the meantime, I am happy for myself. I am happy to finally be pregnant with a heartbeat. I am in disbelief that we have finished at the fertility clinic! I am doing my best to be careful and healthy for our baby to give it the best chance I can. And I am waiting. Waiting to see what happens, waiting to see the OB, waiting to be able to say second trimester.
Fingers crossed.
Love and light
xxx
At the end of the session, they gave us a goodie bag filled with samples of baby things and baby and pregnancy magazines. It was exciting but also scary. It just seems a bit too soon for all of that stuff.
I do feel pretty good with it all, though. My goodness, we have never gotten this far before. To know that there is a little heart beating away inside me. It's amazing! But I will be continuing to pray and meditate and keep my fingers crossed especially up until our 12 week scan.
I'm excited to be going to our new OB in two weeks. He comes highly recommended from Louise and they work quite closely together. Two weeks seems a long way away though. The longest I've gone in between checking on our progress is a week! I'm going to need to use all my deep breathing and calming techniques to stop myself from worrying. "Everything is going well" will need to be my mantra. "Everything is going well" "Everything is going well" "Everything is going well".
One of my friends is now in a position in her relationship where they are thinking about having children and she has begun taking pre-conception supplements. She is 42. I so hope it's not going to be as hard for her as it was for me. I don't know that my experience will be able to help her either. She is very strong willed in her beliefs and has to work things out in her own way. But I will be there for her no matter what happens.
No-one can really understand what it is like to be infertile if they haven't been through it. And I know how extraordinarily helpful and supportive it has been to have been able to connect with other women through their infertile blogs. I have two wonderful friends who have been incredibly supportive but no-one in real life who has experienced infertility. She can. I'd like to think that she doesn't have a long road ahead of her and perhaps we will even be pregnant together. But I know all too well about the problems with the aging of ones eggs after 40. And she has less time to work it out than I did. I started at 40. I have my fingers crossed for her as well!!
In the meantime, I am happy for myself. I am happy to finally be pregnant with a heartbeat. I am in disbelief that we have finished at the fertility clinic! I am doing my best to be careful and healthy for our baby to give it the best chance I can. And I am waiting. Waiting to see what happens, waiting to see the OB, waiting to be able to say second trimester.
Fingers crossed.
Love and light
xxx
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Second Scan at 8 weeks
Our second scan and its still good news! Dave has finally started letting himself feel excited about it now. Things are progressing so well.
I was so nervous and anxious going into the scan. Please let there still be a heartbeat, show me the heartbeat... and there it was! Beating faster than last time, exactly as it should be, and bubby has grown beautifully. This time he/she measured exactly as he/she should. Pheww!!
Our OB is really pleased and the nurse actually put her hand on my knee and said "it looks like this one is going to go all the way". Not something they would say lightly in a fertility clinic!
I didn't mention last week about the nausea that I felt which started Sunday night and didn't start easing until after the scan Monday night. By Tuesday it was gone. I assumed it was the start of morning sickness. But I haven't felt that way since and there is only one possible reason for it - unconsciously I was sick with worry about our first scan. I wasn't feeling it on the outside, but boy did my body manifest how I was feeling internally. I couldn't eat all day Monday. Dave made some soup for dinner and I was able to get some of that down, but I was so ill all day. The OB asked me if I thought it was nerves. I didn't know at the time. But now I do. I was ill with unconscious worry. It's amazing how the body will manifest things even if we don't consciously know that we are feeling a certain way.
So, aside from a few moments of feeling nauseus this week - in a different way than I felt on Monday - I have had no morning sickness at all. No vomiting at all. I am feeling quite blessed that I am one of the 25% of women that don't get it - so far at least!! lol. I had always been told that morning sickness was a good sign, so when I didn't get it, of course there was a little bit of concern. But I asked Louise yesterday, and she said she didn't get it either. That's it's all good.
Thank goodness. And I have to say, is I deserve a bit of a relief from something with all that I've gone through, particularly in the last 6 months. Yea!!!
Dave took a video of the monitor showing our babies beating heart and we get photos in the mail next week. So, we are now starting babies photo and video collection! That's exciting!
I know we still have 5 weeks to go before we can feel safe and clear, but it feels really exciting now. I'm starting to feel like this baby is a part of me and thats a good feeling.
I've had people telling me stories of women who miscarried at 12 weeks. Why do they tell us things like that at this stage?? I know we are still at risk and so many things can go wrong, but I don't want to think that way. This is an exciting time and I intend to try to bring only positive energy and good thoughts into my body and spirit. All is going well!
Love and Light
xxx
I was so nervous and anxious going into the scan. Please let there still be a heartbeat, show me the heartbeat... and there it was! Beating faster than last time, exactly as it should be, and bubby has grown beautifully. This time he/she measured exactly as he/she should. Pheww!!
Our OB is really pleased and the nurse actually put her hand on my knee and said "it looks like this one is going to go all the way". Not something they would say lightly in a fertility clinic!
I didn't mention last week about the nausea that I felt which started Sunday night and didn't start easing until after the scan Monday night. By Tuesday it was gone. I assumed it was the start of morning sickness. But I haven't felt that way since and there is only one possible reason for it - unconsciously I was sick with worry about our first scan. I wasn't feeling it on the outside, but boy did my body manifest how I was feeling internally. I couldn't eat all day Monday. Dave made some soup for dinner and I was able to get some of that down, but I was so ill all day. The OB asked me if I thought it was nerves. I didn't know at the time. But now I do. I was ill with unconscious worry. It's amazing how the body will manifest things even if we don't consciously know that we are feeling a certain way.
So, aside from a few moments of feeling nauseus this week - in a different way than I felt on Monday - I have had no morning sickness at all. No vomiting at all. I am feeling quite blessed that I am one of the 25% of women that don't get it - so far at least!! lol. I had always been told that morning sickness was a good sign, so when I didn't get it, of course there was a little bit of concern. But I asked Louise yesterday, and she said she didn't get it either. That's it's all good.
Thank goodness. And I have to say, is I deserve a bit of a relief from something with all that I've gone through, particularly in the last 6 months. Yea!!!
Dave took a video of the monitor showing our babies beating heart and we get photos in the mail next week. So, we are now starting babies photo and video collection! That's exciting!
I know we still have 5 weeks to go before we can feel safe and clear, but it feels really exciting now. I'm starting to feel like this baby is a part of me and thats a good feeling.
I've had people telling me stories of women who miscarried at 12 weeks. Why do they tell us things like that at this stage?? I know we are still at risk and so many things can go wrong, but I don't want to think that way. This is an exciting time and I intend to try to bring only positive energy and good thoughts into my body and spirit. All is going well!
Love and Light
xxx
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
A heartbeat!!
Yesterday we drove into the city, surprisingly quite relaxed considering we were about to find out whether we had a successful pregnancy or not. After my kinesiology session though, I have been nothing but confident, so amazingly, for the most part, I wasn't worried. At least on the surface!
It was amazing!! The first thing the OB said was "there is the pregnancy!" and I was "where, where, where??!!" And then she pointed out the heartbeat. It was incredible. Later she changed the scan view so we were able to see the heart beating in colour. Just phenomenal. To think something the size of a pea, has this amazing heartbeat.
We are so relieved and happy and we finally feel like we are really on our way to being parents. We have to go back next week for another scan because bubby was positioned in such a way that Louise couldn't get a proper measurement and he seemed to be measuring too small for 7 weeks. He was snuggled right up in the very corner of the sac. But she is sure that it was just the angle because his heart is beating exactly as it should be for 7 weeks.
So, there is still a slight worry in my head about his sizing. There always seems to be something!!! But I'm taking the same approach as I've had for the last week. Trust! We have a heartbeat. We have our baby growing away and snuggled into my body.
I am so relieved, and grateful.
Thank you everyone for all your prayers and support. I know we still have a ways to go before we are safe, but right now, it feels wonderful!
Love and Light
xx
It was amazing!! The first thing the OB said was "there is the pregnancy!" and I was "where, where, where??!!" And then she pointed out the heartbeat. It was incredible. Later she changed the scan view so we were able to see the heart beating in colour. Just phenomenal. To think something the size of a pea, has this amazing heartbeat.
We are so relieved and happy and we finally feel like we are really on our way to being parents. We have to go back next week for another scan because bubby was positioned in such a way that Louise couldn't get a proper measurement and he seemed to be measuring too small for 7 weeks. He was snuggled right up in the very corner of the sac. But she is sure that it was just the angle because his heart is beating exactly as it should be for 7 weeks.
So, there is still a slight worry in my head about his sizing. There always seems to be something!!! But I'm taking the same approach as I've had for the last week. Trust! We have a heartbeat. We have our baby growing away and snuggled into my body.
I am so relieved, and grateful.
Thank you everyone for all your prayers and support. I know we still have a ways to go before we are safe, but right now, it feels wonderful!
Love and Light
xx
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