What I’m struggling with most is the fact that I so strongly felt that our pregnancy was God given. I felt to the core of my soul that we had been given the conception and I was so confident that things would work out. I didn’t expect it to be free and easy, but I was without doubt that God would see us through the pregnancy, particularly the first trimester.
Now, I’m left wondering. What is it all about?
Is this first step of a journey we are being taken on?
Was the pregnancy God given? If so, why a miscarriage?
Or is it just life? Bad luck?
Deep down inside I still believe it is part of my/our journey. But I still find myself questioning. I don’t feel anger. I feel deep disappointment and bafflement. And a little numbness. I feel anxiety about whether we will conceive again. And anxiety that if we do, what will happen? Will I have to go through this again. Certainly, there will much more anxiety in the first trimester now.
Yet once again, I just need to hand it over to God and let go. There has got to be something good come out of this. If nothing else, my eating habits took an instant turn for the better when we found out. I hope that can continue.