Monday, June 13, 2011


What I’m struggling with most is the fact that I so strongly felt that our pregnancy was God given.  I felt to the core of my soul that we had been given the conception and I was so confident that things would work out.  I didn’t expect it to be free and easy, but I was without doubt that God would see us through the pregnancy, particularly the first trimester.

Now, I’m left wondering.  What is it all about?

Is this first step of a journey we are being taken on?
Was the pregnancy God given?  If so, why a miscarriage?
Or is it just life?  Bad luck?

Deep down inside I still believe it is part of my/our journey.  But I still find myself questioning.  I don’t feel anger.   I feel deep disappointment and bafflement.  And a little numbness.  I feel anxiety about whether we will conceive again.  And anxiety that if we do, what will happen?  Will I have to go through this again.  Certainly, there will much more anxiety in the first trimester now.

Yet once again, I just need to hand it over to God and let go.  There has got to be something good come out of this.  If nothing else, my eating habits took an instant turn for the better when we found out.  I hope that can continue.


  1. Please know that my heart breaks with yours and D's. I will keep you in my prayers for healing and for a healthy pregnancy and baby.

  2. I can relate Annie. For a few months, I was going through what I thought was a health problem. I prayed hard every day for wholeness and perfect health. In the end, that perceived problem turned out to be nothing but then a week or so later I landed in the Emergency Room with a very serious case of diverticulitis. I found myself wondering if God was really listening. But I know he was. Sometimes we just don't understand why things happen the way they do but I truly believe that God has our backs through it all and that everything happens for a reason. You will get through this and try again as soon as you are able. Sending you lots of love and light!