Today all rational and clear thinking has evaporated and I have awoken in a cloud of depression. It probably hasn’t helped that I haven’t eaten well the last couple of days, but that is all a part of the way I’ve unconsciously always handled sadness. Unfortunately, it also creates a vicious cycle.
I don’t think today will be a day to try and face that as well though. D has to work today. A unrealistic customer means he has to work throughout the weekend to meet this customers demands. Which means I am on my own today (Saturday), which is probably not a good thing. Because now I can just curl up in a ball and be consumed by todays depression. D can so often bring laughter back into my spirit.
I’ve been bleeding for nearly a week now. And it could go on for another week yet. Natural miscarriage always last longer than having a d+c. But I’m glad that I’ve been able to stay away from a curette. But whatever way, it all sucks. Big time.
I called the doctor today to find out the results of yesterdays blood tests. My HCG levels are down to 17 - from 74 on Tuesday and 310 on Sunday. So, there is no need to get another test. The trend is clear. Pre-pregnancy numbers are back.
Right now I don’t feel that I can cope with anything. I have to work again next week and I just don’t see how I can do it. But I have no choice. I have to. I must get back to eating well. I know that will help. And that was meant to be one of the good things to come out of being pregnant – healthy eating. But it hasn’t lasted through these emotions.
I will be glad to move pass this part of the recovery process.