The Follow Up

We went back to the hospital yesterday for an ultra sound and another blood test.  Both confirmed the miscarriage.  The positive side is that there are no complications.  My ovaries and uterus look healthy. There is no ectopic pregnancy and no need for a clean out.  So that’s it.  It’s done.  And we start again.

It will probably take a few weeks for my body to get back to normal.  But hopefully I will return to ovulating next cycle. D pointed out the fact that for so long I didn’t feel that I had been ovulating.  And then I had two cycles we I finally felt that I had.  And on that second cycle we got pregnant!  So that is also a positive.  As long as I ovulate, we can conceive.

I told Queen Naturo yesterday and after talking about how devastated she is for us, she told us what we had heard several times at the hospital.  That it is quite common for a first pregnancy to end in miscarriage.  And then people can go on to have an easy pregnancy the second time around.  It’s as though the body has to be reminded of what to do!  I have had several stories since of people having that experience.  So another hopeful way of looking at things.  My 42 year old body has had a reminder of how to be pregnant!

Things in my body are gradually returning to normal.  With each new thing I notice, I feel a deep sense of sadness.  I so enjoyed all the signs of pregnancy.  It’s going to take a little while for me to recover.  It doesn’t matter how much how look at the positive side, I still have a grieving and healing process to go through.

Yesterday, the anger hit.  It was from the moment my eyes opened in the morning.  It didn’t last too long and I alternated between anger and sadness and a feeling of deep emptiness.  The anger seems to have disappeared now.  Now I alternate between normality and sadness.  It is good to have normality appear in the scheme of things!  A step forward.