Yesterday was transfer day and everything went well!
My feelings of non-chalance went through a few different phases as they day drew closer. But nothing really stuck. Some nerves set in at one point. There were feelings of anticipation. But even on the day, I just went about my day as normal. Although the comment from one of my students was interesting...
The transfer wasn't till midday, so I popped into school to do a few catch up lessons. My first student said "You are in a good mood today!" and she only saw me the day before. She was right, I was feeling really good. Whether it was the fantastic swim I had after school the day before or the fact that Nemo was coming home, who knows.
The thought "Nemo is coming home today!" popped into my head as I was driving to school. Something shifted in me then. Maybe that was what changed my mood as well!!
When I told Dave, he said that one of his customers referenced "Finding Nemo" in a phone call the day before. Freaky!
So, we arrived at the hospital and went into the room with the embryologist and our OB. All I wanted to know was "Did Nemo thaw?" There was a 10% chance that our embryo wouldn't make it through the thawing process. I was so expecting that to be the case. Just our luck, you know?! Beat the odds again. But not only did it thaw, it was flourishing. Both women were really happy with how it was plumping up and progressing. "Oh thank goodness!"
"Would you like to see it?", they asked. "Yes Please!", we said. And there it was - our beautiful embryo on the screen. I felt such a rush of excitement and love - for a second - and then my defenses kicked in and I found myself pushing down that excitement in fear of what might happen. Then that emotion shifted again, to one of going through the motions of the procedure with complete acceptance of the situation. I think it is a good place to be.
When we walked out of the hospital doors, everything shifted again! I had gone from not wanting to be pregnant again, to suddenly having our live and healthy Nemo inside me. I felt like precious cargo and I SO SO SO SO SO want to pregnant again. All of a sudden, I'm not frightened of it anymore. All of a sudden, I'm excited.
Now, just one day later, I am talking to Nemo already. I'm trying to listen to what it needs - or more precisely I suppose - what my body needs for Nemo to flourish. I just like to think of it as Nemo talking back to me.
Now, it wouldn't have even implanted yet, but as far as I am concerned, I have a little life form living inside of me. I'm not holding my breath, I'm still feeling very relaxed with no expectations of achieving pregnancy or going full term. But there is a part of me that feels that this is different, that this one is going to work. That this is a happy and 'excited for life' embryo.
So, my job now is to live my life happy and peaceful. To go about my days, content in my activites, feeling a sense of accomplishment in my tasks and to also be careful about what I do and how much I do. To be happy being less active and enjoying a 'holiday' from the busyness of life and the hard work of the heavy physical jobs that I love doing. I will be content swimming more casually and no longer doing fast sprints and hard laps. I will be content walking on the flat surfaces and not traipsing up and down all the hills!
I've been calling this round, IVF round 5. But really, it is just finishing round 2. Nemo is from my round 2 collection. I had the polyp removed and wasn't able to do the transfer and Nemo, our one and only embryo from that round, was frozen. The positive thing here, is that Nemo is younger than our last embryo and may be less damaged. It was conceived a year ago! Fingers crossed that works in our favour!
Love and Light