So, its far too early to be unhappy about anything. Nevertheless, the emotion has been simmering away today. 'Why hasn't there been a change?', I keep thinking.
D reminded me today that we don't want to get consumed by this process and he is absolutely right. Yet, its a bit hard when every morning I need to take the test and three times a day need to remember to take my pills, with two lots of them needing to be an hour away from food!! Yes, the phone comes into play giving me reminders to do those two pill pops!
I am one to always try to look at the positive in things. This is no different. I'm not going to dwell on negative thinking because there is so much positive thinking to be had. Why is it though, that the negative is easier to fall into than the positive??!! :):) The positive is SO much better!
The difference in me, I realised this morning, is a huge one from where I was two years ago. We all have conflicting emotions sometimes, happiness and sadness together, excitement and tiredness together etc. In the past, mine has mostly been underlined with the sadness. Happy, bubbly me with the sadness lingering hidden, simmering away.
Now things are different. I have felt a little sad this morning, yes. But underneath it all, I am still so very happy! I'm peaceful with it, content with it, eager to be a better me with it.
And while I am keen to become pregnant asap!!!, there is another part of me that wants to get fitter first, to lose some weight first, to really re-establish my healthy eating patterns. I want to be the best me I can in order to healthily nourish and grow our child.
So, this early stage is all about discovering what is going on, what is working or not working for us and having a lot of fun in the process!!!!! And if I get pregnant tomorrow, woohooooo!!!!! And if I get pregnant in a few months a little fitter and healthier, woohhoooooo!! to that too!
Things are as they are meant to be.
And I feel happier already for having written this post!