Flower Power Mom

A little while ago, I “met’ Angel, otherwise known as Flower Power Mom.  I’ve really enjoyed our communications and she has a great blog and website devoted to Over 40 Moms and Moms to be.

Flower Power Mom—The Truth About Motherhood After 40 is an  online forum and blog dedicated to midlife motherhood—to entertain, inform and share the experience of having children after 40.

After a few emails back and forth, she kindly offered to research anything that I wanted to know about.  At the time, I was searching for information on herbal teas and what you can and can’t drink when pregnant, along with what ones are good for conception.  I thought I would take her up on her offer and put the question to her.

She had begun to talk with a midwife who specialized in natural medicine.  And as a result, wrote an article on the subject featuring the two of us!

  

I was thrilled.  It was such a nice thing for her to do.  Her commitment, support and active enthusiasm of over 40 motherhood is wonderful.  Her website is full of information and I am honoured to have featured on it!

You can read the article at http://flowerpowermom.com/wordpress/?p=1161.

Please head over to her site and blog and support her goals to promote, bring awareness to and provide information of the many issues regarding over 40 Moms.

Redecorating Excitement

Last night, I felt the great urge to get a new look for this blog!  I was tired of the three columns on one side and everything being squished in and wanted to get a layout with only two extra columns.

 

 

 

After choosing what I wanted (more on that in a minute!), I sat down in full preparation of spending the next hour or so, redoing all my widgets.  It always happens.  Blogger deletes all the widgets you spend so long doing every time you want a new look.

I uploaded the template, saw the list of widgets blogger wanted to delete and sighed a big, deep sigh.

I scrolled down to the delete widgets button…

Only to discover…

There was another button next to it…

A Keep All Widgets button!

What???????

I can now keep all the widgets?????

Oh my God!   Woohoooooo!!  Yippppeeeee!!!  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I’m SO SO SO Excited!

In just a few minutes, wallah, the new layout is up and all my widgets in tack!
All I had to do was re-arrange them a little.  And I also updated them.
Finito!!

I didn’t know what I was looking for in a new layout, I just started looking in my usual place – Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates.  And then I saw the Valentines layouts.  Of course, THAT is what I need!

After two weeks, I’m no longer high in the clouds after my proposal.  Ohhhh. I liked being up high!!  Still really happy, but not soaring quite as much!!  :):)  So, this layout is a reminder of that wonderful day and maybe providing just a little kick back to those highest of clouds every now and then!


Photo:  D and I and the clouds about an hour after we got engaged.  Still at the spot!

Finally.

I have been trying to write a post all week.  I make a start and then have to do something else.  It just hasn’t happened.

This week has been super super busy.  We had a visiting artist from overseas giving masterclasses and a recital.  Every night after work I have travelled into the city.  I’m a little tired!

But now it is Friday night, D is away for work and I have the house to myself.

So to catch up…

As you know, I haven’t been tracking this cycle.  I was/am just over the whole tracking ovulation thing and just wanted to chill out this time around.  The timing was perfect as it turned out.  I had my HSG Scan, we got engaged and I started work again.  There just hasn’t been time!

Yet, after I hit the time after ovulation, I suddenly found myself in the two week wait.  “Will I be pregnant?  I have to wait two weeks to find out?  It’s such a long time.”

I was so surprised to enter this phase! I didn’t expect it. It only lasted for a few days though and now I am back to the normal ‘go with the flow’ me.  In fact, after today’s acupuncture appointment, I think it would be a good idea to have a menstrual cycle – post HSG scan.

King Acupunc warned me that the period after an HSG scan may be heavier and different to usual.  If there has been anything flushed out of my tubes, it will make it’s way out during this time.  Not a nice thought! 

Has anyone had any experience with this?

What is a nice thought, is to have a completely cleansed uterus.  So, it would be a blessing to go through another cycle in order to achieve this. 

I’m Day 25 now, so going on a 31-33 Day cycle, it’s still a week to go before we find out whether we are happily and wondrously pregnant or thoroughly cleansed!

Feeling Happy and Relaxed.

What a wonderful week I am having!  I love being engaged!  And I love that D loves being engaged – in fact I think I like that even better!  LOL

I got a fitting for the making of my ring and pulled a big sad face when the guy said it would be about 4 weeks!  Poor guy – he immediately started backtracking saying that would be the maximum time and it might come sooner.  It was so funny!  He was a good bloke.

Something has shifted in me.  I don’t know what.  But I’m happier.  I’m happy about being engaged.  But I’m also happy about work.  I’m happy about my headspace.  Things just feel better.  And the interesting thing is that it started to shift before Valentines Day.  It just then exploded forward after that !!  LOL!

I’m back to exercising everyday.  And I already feel better for it.  Consistency is a big key to everything – exercise and food. 

[The photos today are of all the yummy healthy foods that are going to help my fertility!]



I’ve had a few more after affects of the HSG Scan.  Both negative and positive. 

The negative was a lot of swelling, soreness and discomfort for several days after the BD.  (which I have just discovered is short for Baby Dance!)  It meant a trip to the chemist and no BD until I was better.

The positive – also in regards to the BD.  Lets just say – Oh my God – Wow!!  Nothing like a good clean out!  :)  :)

Okay enough of that now!



This cycle has also been a happy cycle.  No tracking.  Just chilled and relaxed.  In fact, I even thought it was going to be a total wipeout and I wasn’t worried.  The swelling occurred close to ovulation time.  And as soon as I was feeling better, D came home after kickboxing having damaged his hip.  But, as it soons out, we may have made it in just in time.  Who knows?!  It doesn’t matter.

No stressing.  I’m not expecting anything this cycle.  It is all relaxed and chilled and we are having a lot of fun together.  And enjoying the beginning of this new phase in our lives!

And I know this doesn’t matter at all.  And it doesn’t bother me either way.  But I am really glad that we got engaged before I got pregnant.  There is just something about it – that verbal and also public commitment to each other.  I didn’t expect it to make all that much difference to us as a committed couple, but it does.  It really really does!

[Did you know that foods that are good for particular areas of the body also have similiar shapes to that part.  For example, artichokes are good for the heart, carrots are good for the eyes and when you slice them, they look like an eye.  And avocados are good for the womb!]

 

A Valentines Proposal!

Yesterday D proposed!  And of course, I said yes!

We had such a lovely day.  We went on a road trip to a popular seaside country town, taking a picnic lunch, and planned to walk around the markets, have our lunch down on a secluded beach that we had been told about and then afterwards walk around the island that is just off the coast.  A perfect Valentines Day together.

What I didn’t know is that for the last three weeks he had planning to ask me to marry him!  And yesterday, he had the ring in his pocket waiting for the perfect moment!

Two friends and my parents were in on it.  My parents, because he went around and asked permission!  And two friends because they helped  him pick out the ring.

When we got to the beach, D’s heart sank.  It was so not what he was hoping for.  He started suggesting that we go to some other places that he thought would be a better setting.  But firstly, we decided to climb down the cliffs that were directly below us to take some photos.

It was a very windy day and the wind was quite cold.  But once we got down the cliff, we suddenly found ourselves in a beautiful setting cocooned from the wind.  It was beautiful.  This is where we decided to set up our picnic.

Photo:  My favourite view from our picnic spot!



D went back up the cliffs to get our food and, quite significantly it turns out, the camera tripod!  I stayed down and started to take some shots.

He came back down and said he wanted to take a photo of the two of us.  He set up the tripod, came and sat next to me and as the camera started shooting, pulled out the ring and popped the question!!!!

He had set the camera up to take 10 shots and they are hilarious and wonderful.  They show a progression of my face going from shock to my smile getting bigger and bigger!!  It’s just so perfect!  I can’t stop smiling even now as I write!

Photo:  The popped non-alcoholic champagne cork!



Our getting married has never been a question of if, but simply of when.  We knew that we had plenty of time to get married, but not plenty of time to have children.  So we began the conception journey as soon as we were ready.

Did I have an inkling that the proposal may be coming on Valentines Day?  Yes, a little bit!  :)  But the man threw me off track completely by giving me lovely earrings in the morning. I simply figured it wasn’t coming today!  His plan worked!!

It was unfortunate though that he needed a plan in the first place.  One day, about three weeks ago, when he was having a nap, I answered his phone.  A lady left a message for him to call back.  I couldn’t quite catch where she said she was from, but while I didn’t tell him, I did catch the word jewellers. 

D feigned his disinterest well, but he was internally furious when I said the name of the woman who called!  She knew that he was planning a surprise proposal and he couldn’t believe she left a message with me!  He went into panic mode and called on a friend.  His suggestion was “well all you can do, is get her something else on the day to throw her off the scent.  And if she says anything beforehand, you popped the question right then!”  Good plan!! 

D laughs telling the story now because all those he told about the phone call, responded with the same three words, “You’re F##%@^ joking!", including the jeweller he did eventually buy the ring from!

It didn’t matter that I may have had a suspicion.  I wasn’t going to mention it.  I didn’t know anything for sure and I wasn’t going to spoil any plans he had – for him as well as for my own joy over the whole thing!



I love my ring!  I don’t get it to wear it for three weeks tops because they need to fit me and then they make a completely new one.  They don’t resize engagements rings and I did inherit my Grandmothers fingers!  So I get to look at the one I currently have in the box and drool with impatience for it’s replica!!

A summary – the journey so far.

 

 

 

 

In the process of searching for info on HSG Scans, I came across a great little blog by a woman also tracking her road to conception.  I was so excited!  Yea, another person blogging about this.  Through her links, I came across another and another and another! 

 

 

I had begun to think that were very few women blogging about trying to conceive.  I was wrong!  All of these women though, are much further along the track than we are, having begun the road of IUI, IVFs, clomid etc.

We are still hoping to do this naturally.   The fertility clinic is at this stage, our way of finding out if everything is working as it should be.  We would have taken clomid had the GYN recommended it, however, that didn’t happen (see below). 

This all got me thinking about our journey so far and I realised I wanted to do a summary of what has happened. Initially I wrote it as a conversation, but that ended up too long! So a change of tack is in order...

 

May 2009 – Abandoned contraception!

July 2009 – Went to our naturopath to begin the natural fertility path.

The summary of the first few appointments:
 

· Queen Naturo sent us for blood and saliva tests, testing for many many things including all the necessary hormones. She began a regime of herbs and vitamins for both of us.

· A series of results show my hormones are all over the place and need much balancing. Tests were done for FSH, LH, P4, E2, E1, P4:E2, testosterone.

· Very soon, PCOS is suspected and herbal treatment for this starts.
- Began using Maybe Baby to determine ovulation.  

September 2009 – Started acupuncture treatments.

Between the two of them – the team of Queen Naturo and King Acupunc - they have a 100% strike rate with all their patients achieving pregnancy, including those that have been through several rounds of IVF. All accept one, achieved conception within one year. Amazing stats!

August 2009 – Began seeing the doctor for help.

· Because of my age, she didn’t want to wait a year and immediately sent me off for more hormone tests and after those results came in, she referred me to the fertility clinic.

· All tests indicated that I was not ovulating.

November 2009 – First appointment at the fertility clinic.

· Blood tests, sperm tests and pelvic ultrasound scheduled. Clomid will be prescribed if tests confirm no ovulation.

December 2009 – Second appointment at fertility clinic.

· Results of tests seem to indicate that I am ovulating now (which I believe is a result of the herbs I am taking and the acupuncture). GYN does not want to put me on clomid. I have felt myself, some signs of ovulation for the first time in months.

· Egg count is high.

· All hormones are within acceptable ranges.

· The pelvic ultrasound has some unusual abnormalities which she is not looking any further at. What the…???  From what the doctor said and showed me during my scan, I suspect that what she is seeing is my PCOS healing from my herbal treatments.

· Other test results are good and she is beginning to think I may end up with a diagnosis of unexplained infertility.

· D results are all good.
  She schedules two more cycles testing for ovulation (progesterone) plus an HSG scan.

December 2009 – Queen Naturo sends me off for blood tests to test my homocysteine levels and find out what levels of B12 and folic acid MY body needs.

December, 2009 – I’m unable to get all the GYN fertility tests done due to Christmas and will need to postpone everything a month.

January, 2010 – I find out my homocysteine levels are out of whack and Queen Naturo reassesses all that I am taking and ensures that I have exactly the right amount of each vitamin every day.

February, 2010 – have my HSG scan.

· Find out my results in March after one more progesterone test. Either my tubes were blocked or my muscles were severely spasming. Test was VERY painful. Took several days to fully recover.

 

Thats it so far!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My HSG Scan – Final

It’s been two days since the scan and I am pleased to say I am feeling ever so much better!

I had a massage today, hoping to continue to work on my pretty much healed torn abdomen muscle, but unfortunately she really couldn’t get near it!  So obviously, without me being consciously aware of it, there is still some tenderness in my belly when any pressure is put on it!  And what she did do, which was very little, has flared it up just a little.  No worries.  Will be fine soon. 

I also had my usual acupuncture treatment and he stayed well clear of the area!  Such nice people!

They both wanted to know all about it so they could inform their other clients who are about to have the scan.  I gave them a run down of my experiences and what I learned, in particular stressing the before and after things to do, and making sure they let people know that the discomfort level will be different for everyone!  I certainly wouldn’t want people freaking out about what it may be like, when it is all over with in just a few minutes.  But knowledge and knowing the possibilities is important.  And preparation before and after is the key.

One other thing I asked D today was whether the doctor had to really force the dye into the tubes.  He said yes.  He was pushing really hard on the injection to get the dye in.  No wonder it hurt!!  No free flowing dye for me!!  :)  But until I get the results, I won’t know whether he had to push hard because I was having muscle spasms or because the tubes were blocked.



Deb commented on my last post that it sounded like quite a procedure.  I guess it is really.  King Acupunt had a funny view on it and said it was like a plumber coming to unblock your pipes and shoving things down the tubes!  :)  But the biggest thing for me that made it a big deal, I think, is that I wasn’t informed.

In actual fact, compared to what I have read about procedures further along in the infertility path, this one was a cinch.  And if I have gotten lucky, and it has unblocked my tubes, then it is like a huge big cleansing out and refreshing of my baby making bits!  A clean fresh start!!  :)

Fingers crossed!

I am feeling so much more positive and hopeful about things now.  Before the scan I had become very despondent and depressed.   I was actually getting a bit worried about the emotions that were swamping me.

But since the scan and my on-line research, I’ve moved back to my usual hopeful, positive, going with the flow, being in the moment self.  So, I am very grateful for the experience!

My HSG Scan – Part 2

Part 1 – My story is here

Part Three – coming tomorrow!  Why I am feeling SO much better about things now than I was yesterday morning!

Part Two 
– includes My Tips for HSG Scans at the end of this post.

I’m not one for long posts – but there is just so much to say here and I wanted to get it all out in one hit.  So my apologies in advance!

An Update On Me

My ‘doing ok just a bit uncomfortable after the scan’, changed during the night. The cramping came on severely, I was bloated and I couldn’t even touch my abdomen. I had a pretty bad night and am so grateful for the day off today to help recover.

Now, I am better. I have rested this morning and the cramping has abated. I’m still tender and bloated and am very tentative about how I move and what I am doing.  Also I’m completely exhausted, but I am better. I am grateful for that.

As I was laying in bed last night, I remembered that the doctor told me just before he performed the scan that I may experience period cramps for a couple of days afterwards. He said that normal cramp medication would be sufficient. I’m glad I remembered he told me that. I guess I was so worried about what was about to happen, and all a little in the dark about it all, that I forgot all about it once I got home!

Had I known that in advance though, I wouldn’t have scheduled my supervised gym workout for that evening!!  Needless to say, I didn’t go!

I guess that is the thing about going public. You don’t get quite the same kind of care and attention. But it is also completely free, so I’m not going to complain about that! D and I took out hospital insurance three months ago. There is a waiting period of a year before we can use it, but I think if we ever need to decide to go the IVF route, we will want to wait until we can choose our doctors etc.

Receiving Information

I had four people talking to me about the procedure. Only one before the actual day of the appointment. That is really when I should have received the rundown of pain meds beforehand, what to look for in the monitor and what will happen with the dye (I didn’t even know it was going to travel through my fallopian tubes. I was under the impression it just lit up the area to reveal if there was any twisting in the tubes etc). 

And most especially I should have been told that there will be some bleeding afterwards.  I was SO SO glad that I went to the toilet straight away and noticed the bleeding.  Because I went straight back to the nurse and asked her.  Imagine if I had gotten home and saw I was bleeding.  There would have been worry and phone calls that would have easily been avoided with a bit of information.

What I was told was purely the technical side of the things (what would be inserted) and a cautious ‘mild discomfort like a pap smear’ warning. Except of course for the one nurse, who made it seem like, well I can’t remember now.  Something bad!!  lol  :)  I am grateful now that I understand a lot more.

The Informative Forums

I came across several forums with woman asking questions and giving their experiences of their HSG scans. Here’s what I put together about it all.

There seemed to be a lot more women with painful experiences than there were with just mild discomfort. Glad I didn’t read that BEFORE hand! However there were women that said it was similar to period and a couple of ladies said it was just like having a pap smear – which is how the nurses described it as well.

However, the fact that some women were given anaesthesia, others ladies were given other forms of pain killers before the treatment, while others took pain killers themselves, or were advised to do so 30 minutes to an hour before they went in, certainly shows that pain is expected!

It is good to know some places take precautions for this. I certainly wasn’t offered anything or given any suggestion to do so! Instead, I was given reassurances that it would simply be uncomfortable. For me, that wasn’t the case. But for many women, there is just mild discomfort. But the best thing, is that it is all over with in just a few minutes!

It’s hard to know what’s worse!  Knowing that there may be a lot of pain and worrying about, but also being able to take pain meds as a preventary.  Or not expecting pain and maybe not getting any anyway!  Or getting lots of pain but it is all over in a few minutes anyway!  Who knows?!  All that matters really is that you get results.

Some of the pain you may experience is due painful muscle spasms. This can cause some problems with the dye getting through the tubes which can give an inconclusive result in regards to whether a tube is blocked or it was muscle spasms stopping the dye. If the results are inconclusive or there are any blockages in the tubes or other concerns, you may then get sent for a Diagnostic Laparoscopy. This involves a general anaesthetic and small telescope through your belly button into the pelvis to see if there are any blockages, possibly clear them and look for any other problems, such as endometriosis.

Many ladies said that the HSG scan would only be painful if the tubes were blocked and the dye was forced through the blockage, thus hopefully clearing it. If there was no blockage, then there would simply be mild discomfort as the dye freely moved through the tubes.

The Good News!

Now THIS is the hopeful bit! Many ladies quoted their doctors saying there is an increased chance of conception for the 3 months following the HSG scan. A successful scan flushes out the tubes, as well as changes the Ph inside to help the sperm. This can be your most fertile time!

I find that very hopeful! My experience was VERY painful, so if that means I had blocked tubes and now they aren’t – wow, fantastic!! If this process successfully cleared my tubes (and it wasn’t muscle spasms I was feeling), and takes me to a fertile time AND I get pregnant, then wiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee, who cares about just a few minutes of pain! (although I must admit, if I have to have it done again, there will be painkillers involved!)

But who knows really. D wisely said that I could read the internet forever and never really know, because it is just the internet – full of all sorts of stuff from all kinds of people. You should never diagnosis on it, of course! But it has been so interesting reading other peoples stories and hearing about the information they have received. And in a few weeks time, after my Day 23 test, I will go back to the GYN to find out the results. What happened in that x-ray room? Muscles spasms, blocked tubes, none of the above???? I look forward to finding out in a few weeks! Yea  :)

My Tips for HSG Scans:

*  Take painkillers 30-60 minutes before you go in.

*  Don’t go to the toilet, because you will need to supply urine for a pregnancy test first!

*  No-one can tell you how it’s going to feel for you. Different women experience different levels of comfort from “just felt like a pap smear”, to mild period pain sensations, to extremely painful. And of course, everyone’s pain threshold is different. 

*  Remember it’s all over in just a few minutes.  It’s highly worth the experience in order to find out what is going on inside.   And you just may have had some blockages cleared and move into a more fertile time.  Well worth it!!

*  Make sure your doctor talks to you about the results of the scan straight away.

*  Expect some bleeding and leakage afterwards. Having a panty liner in your bag is a good idea just in case!

*  Head home afterwards and take the day off the next day. Take it easy. Treat yourself to something nice!

My HSG Scan – Part 1!

Well, I had my HSG scan today.  Oh my god!  I have so much to tell, I don’t know where to begin.  And to spare you all a HUGELY long post (this one is long enough!), it would be best if I did it in parts over a few days!  

Part 1 – My story

Part 2 –
What I have learnt about the process, the results and the possibilities.
Other women's experiences.
My tips on what to do if you need to have one yourself. 

Part Three – why I am feeling SO much better about things now than I was this morning!

Part One

A definition of what on earth it is would be a good place to start!

         Hysterosalpingogram (HSG): This test is carried out in the x-ray department of the hospital and is a screening test to check if the tubes are blocked. A speculum is passed (like when having a smear test) and a small amount of dye is injected through the cervix. A series of x-rays are taken which show the outline of the uterus and if the tubes are open, dye will be seen flowing through.

Since I got home, I have done a lot of research on-line about the HSG scan.  Mostly, I am REALLY glad that I didn’t look anything up before hand.  I may not have gone through with it based on other woman's experiences!!  But on the other hand, I went into the scan completely uninformed and I am disappointed about that.  

What I was told to expect in regards to pain wasn’t my experience. I wasn’t given suggestions about what to do beforehand.  I also wasn’t told what to expect afterwards – the bleeding (mild for me), the cramping (which in my case hasn’t been too bad either). 

But mostly, I wish I had known what to look for in the monitor.  I wish I had asked the doctor before he rushed out what the results were.  I wish that I had some understanding of what would happen in regards to the dye and how it moves through the tubes along with the problems it can come across.

But, I didn’t.  And maybe that was good, because it was probably enough just to deal with the pain I experienced!  FYI – I feel fine now.  Just some discomfort which is easily manageable with no need at all for any pain killers.

They took a pregnancy test before I went in just to make sure.  I didn’t know they were going to do that though, and I made sure I went to the toilet and had an empty bladder before going into the appointment! But somehow I managed to produce a bit more - enough to be tested!  The result was as expected having just had my period!

The nurse that first took us in, sat us down to tell us about the test.  She made it seem horrific!  Oh no!  She even told D that if he felt faint he could sit down or leave the room.  He thought “geez, what are they going to do to her?!”  I got the impression that I was going to have the thing inserted into my cervix for about 20 minutes.  Oh my god! …

[She also told us that the doctor would sterilise both outside and inside in order to prevent infection but did warn of the possibility of pelvic infection still.  Other complications could be an allergy to the dye (which I found out on-line tonight - not through the nurse!).  All sensible warnings.  And I will keep an eye out for any fever or anything that may indicate an infection.  If so, then straight off to the doctor!]

... But then the next nurse, who was actually in the appointment, was absolutely lovely!  She made it seem just fine and said that I would be in there for about 20 minutes but the actual procedure was about 5 minutes.  She was reassuring and kind and funny and caring and the best nurse I have ever met in my whole life!!!!!!

One of my photos for a breath of fresh air!

I am so glad D was with me.  He was rubbing my head and holding my hand and it made it so much better.  It is also good that he can part of the whole process that I have to go through, that we are sharing it together.

The cool thing was, that he was able to tell me afterwards what happened and what was actually going on when I was responding in certain ways.  He could see that as the speculum went in, I was just in a bit of discomfort.  Same for when the rod went in. Fortunately I didn’t see the injection because he said it was big!!

As the doctor started injecting the dye, he could see that I was starting to squirm – that was when the ‘period pain’ hit - but it wasn’t too bad.  As he kept injecting more dye, that was when it started to get REALLY painful.  D thought, “my god, if he is going to inject ALL of that in, she is going to be in intense pain”.  But he didn’t inject it all in. 

The doctor had me rolling onto my left and then the right side – either to get the dye flowing or to take the x-rays on each side, I don’t know.  That actually relieved the pain a little bit so maybe it was because the dye began moving through properly. Who knows!!  And then it was all over! Done, finito!  Over in  a few minutes!

My only concern is that if I had to move to get the dye flowing, that there is/was a blockage.  If so, I can only pray that the dye was able to be pushed through and clear the blockage (more on this tomorrow).

There was some mild bleeding and I’ve still got some pain and discomfort, but nothing to fret over or even take any pain killers for.  I certainly don’t want to be going out tonight though and definitely no sex!  Too sore for that!  But I am fine and in three weeks time, we find out the results of the tests. 

I’m also really glad I didn’t have to go back to work afterwards.  And neither did D, so we came home and chilled out together for the evening.

If you made it down here – thanks for listening!!  :)  :)  :) 

Part Two tomorrow!!

Photo:  Another one of my photos for a final breather!

Sitting in the moment.

Today I am back on the bandwagon taking my herbs and being alcohol free.  I enjoyed the little break away from things and am finding myself ho-humming about getting back into it.

I guess it just seems like another cycle, another probable fail.  It’s SO not the attitude I usually have in life.  So, I need to work on getting my thoughts back to being positive and creating the reality we want.  Either that or simply focus on the life I am living and let nature and my life plan take its course.  I don’t know.  I’m just a bit over it all right now.

Yet, my dreams and desires are still there as strong as ever.  I’m looking forward to shifting into a better place with.  I know it will happen.  Time cures all.

I go back to work tomorrow.  I think that will help.  Back to a bit of structure.  A new and better structure this year.  It will be a good shift and I am looking forward to seeing where it takes me.

Photo: 

This is one of my photos.  Taken without looking through the lense, just holding the camera close to the waters surface and clicking!  I love doing shots like this and seeing what happens.  I always have an idea what I am going for but sometimes things take a different turn!

I chose this one today because I titled it “Just above the water”.  Kind of good description for my current state!!  The metaphor for me is that while the horizon is sloping and a bit skewed, the water is still crystal clear!

In a muddle.

 

 

I don’t know where I am at the moment.  This pain in my back and side is all consuming and is leaving me not being able to do much.  Thank goodness I go to my appointments tomorrow!  As I know I am not pregnant, I took some anti-inflammatories today, so hopefully that will help.

But I am also a mix of emotions.  From relief, to sadness, to frustration, to gratefulness, to going with the flow, to positivity, to clarity, back to frustration, muddiness and doubt.  I need to let it all go and just be.

I did a post yesterday about the opportunities that going through another cycle has given me.  For some reason I didn’t post it.  I’m not sure why.  It just didn’t feel right.

The gist of it is though, is that I am grateful for the opportunity to continue my healthier eating patterns before we conceive.  Things have been SO much better in that regard and I would really like the opportunity to see and feel the results of that before I start turning into a big turnip!!!

I’ve taken a break from all the herbs I have been taking.  It feels right to just stop for a while while my body goes through its cleansing from the last cycle.

I don’t know where I am with anything at the moment.  And I’m not going worry about it today.  I did too much yesterday, preparing for the school year at my desk and computer, and aggravated my back from the sitting.  So, today, I am going to rest everything.  My mind, my body, my soul.  I’m heading down to the shops to buy a novel (unheard of for me.  I’m a library girl!!) and hire some movies. It’s time to try and let go of the guilt over work and snuggle in for a day of rest and recovery and not much else!!

Photo:
Today I thought I would steer away from other peoples babies photos and share with you one of my shots.   This photo was taken at one

of our local southern beaches.  We have gorgeous beaches around here and this is one of favourite photos!

   

 

Day 34 = Day 1

Well, Day 34 has now turned into Day 1. 

I’m actually a little relieved that there is nothing wrong with me in regards to a pregnancy.  D is still a little concerned that my pain is not muscular, that it could be my kidney or another organ.  I don’t know.  The doctor will help on Friday.  But, again, I am so relieved that there is nothing wrong with a pregnancy.

Now I need to call the fertility clinic and book an appointment for my next scan.  I guess I will do that now.

My next post will be titled Cycle 9 – An Opportunity.  I always knew that it would be.  There has just been a little drama to deal with first.  I am looking forward to writing that one tomorrow about the opportunities I have been given with an extra couple of weeks to work with.

For now though, I need to go through this physical discomfort and the emotional tears that want to burst out of me.  PMT mostly I think.  But there was fear and concern simmering away at me for the last few days and I can feel that coming to the surface to be released.

All is good.  And all will be resolved.  Living in the moment, knowing things are as they should be, and feeling Love within us and around us is what makes everything so much better and so right.  I am thankful for that.

Day 34

Day 34.  I haven’t had a Day 34 since July last year.  Still no period.  And a negative pregnancy result.  Also a lot more pain. 

Without a positive pregnancy result, I’m a bit at a loss.  It could be muscular from the gym I guess, but I have never pulled a muscle at Curves before.  Although I did go back on Curves Smart last week and worked quite a bit harder on Saturday.  But why a delay before the pain appears?  A little unusual.

It  does say on the pregnancy home test that it doesn’t work for everyone and considering that Maybe Baby never really worked for me, maybe I’m just one of the strange ones!  Quite likely!  lol  :)  :)

My doctors appointment is on Friday, so plenty more time for my period to begin or not.  And also plenty of time for possible strained muscles to heal.

I don’t feel any need this morning to go to emergency, although I was considering it last night.  ‘Twas not good.  But this morning, I can breathe a little easier and it doesn’t hurt so much when I press down.

D slept in the spare room after our 2 am sit up - for both of us.  I was able to move around more freely and be restless without disturbing him or trying to be quiet and he was ensured a decent sleep before heading off to work today.  If I needed him, he would have easily heard me and been there for me.

So now it’s a waiting game.  Period to arrive / muscles to heal??  I am thankful to still be on school holidays and not have to deal with this at work.  I recorded some new season TV shows last night, so I may just chill out and watch them this morning.

Thanks for listening. 

And to our little one to be.  If this is because I am newly pregnant with you – then you are absolutely, without doubt, worth every little bit of pain and I so hope that it is because we are pregnant with you.

 

 

                                       Katie Lee Photography

Day 33

Day 33.  My last two cycles were 31 days.  !!!!

I am hopeful but also a little concerned.  I have a pain in my right side that has been there for a few days now.  I hope it is nothing to worry about.  But I have decided to do a pregnancy test tomorrow (if tomorrow becomes Day 34!) and then go to the doctors.

Wish me luck!