Good morning everyone. I hope you are all doing well and flourishing in this crazy world we live in!
Dave and I went for our follow up appointment with the OB on Monday. It's been 6 weeks since we lost our baby. It's hard to believe it has been so long. In some ways, it still feels like last week. In others, I can feel the healing that has been going on and we are doing so much better.
The DNA tests results showed that we had a little girl. I'm so glad to know that. I can't describe how I felt to find out, or how I feel now, but there is something about knowing the sex of our child that is wonderful. It is heartwarming.
But there was a serious genetic problem. She had Edwards Syndrome Trisomy 18. There was only a 1 in 2000 chance of us conceiving a child with this disorder. There is so much to say about how I feel about that, but first, what is Edwards Syndrome?
It is similiar to Downs Syndrome in that there is an extra chromosone. Downs Syndrome has an extra chromosome 21, Edwards Syndrome has an extra chromosone 18. It is much more serious than Downs with most children dying in utero in the second or third trimester. Some make it to full term, either being still born or living for only a week at the most. There are exceptions as always, with a rare few children living till they are older, although with severe handicaps. It is rare for any child to live past the age of 5.
How do I feel about beating the odds again, but this time in such a tragic way? Distraught. At first it was such a relief. We know what happened. It wasn't our fault. It wasn't my age or the quality of my eggs or anything that we did. It was tragic bad luck. But why, why, why? Our slim shot at parenthood ended like this. Why, why, why? Why were we that one in the 2000?
We also learnt that it is more common as you get older. The odds for a younger woman are 1 in 6000. And that is because as we got older, our bodies lose the ability to know when there is a genetic problem. A 25 year old woman wouldn't have gotten to the second trimester with a Trisomy 18 baby, because her body would have known and rejected the embryo straight away. She would have just had a late period.
But the fact is, we had prepared for a Downs child. We had already made the decision not to have an amnio. If our child was Downs, it didn't matter. We didn't care. It was our child to love and care for and treasure. But I had never heard of Edwards Syndrome. It was never mentioned by any doctor (unlike the Downs possibility) because the chances of it were so unlikely.
Yet here we are. Learning this news has set me back a ways in my healing. I am so upset by it. I feel so much for our little girl. I still love her so much. And I wish she was here with us, with just the right amount of chromosones to help her live a full and rich life. But she will always live on in my heart and I now need to deal with the knowledge of her diagnosis.
So where to from here? Today, I am making an appointment with our fertiltiy OB to begin the process of transferring our frozen embryo. One good thing from this news, is that I have a little bit of hope back. I hope that we have already done the "1 in however many" chance of genetic problems. I have hope that now we will now be the 1999 in 2000 chance of having a healthy child. The problem is that we also beat the odds in getting pregnant in the first place. I don't have a lot of hope that we can do it again.
Our frozen embryo is called "Nemo". Dave gave it that name when it first went to be frozen. It has a nickname already. That's gotta be a good thing.
Love and Light
xxx
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Searching for what helps
I've started to write a post several times and have ended up deleting
it all. It's just so hard to write about what has being going on for
me for the last four weeks. And in the end, it all just sounds so
depressing and not something I can imagine anyone else wanting to read.
But, time is marching on, I'm allowing my emotions to run the course that they need to, and while I am still struggling with so many things, I am now at a point of trying to find my way through them, of trying to recover. As well as sharing my journey in cyber space, this blog has always been a way for me to document our fertility journey. While I couldn't post about the last few weeks when I was in it, I can now document what I've been dealing with by describing how I am trying to get beyond it. A positive, forward thinking conversation rather than one of being in the depths of the emotions.
The loss of motherhood
This has been one of the hardest things that is happening. I've felt such despair and heartache and an incredible sense of loss and nothingness. So, I've had to begin to look at the rest of my life. What I am going to do with it now? For years, it has always been about working towards spending it caring for our children. Now it has to be something different. And it has to be something good or I'm going to go completely insane.
So, Dave and I crunched the figures and made the decision that we will live frugally so I can take the rest of the year off from teaching. As it is turning out, for several reasons I can't bring myself to leave one of my schools, so I will still have a day a week of teaching, plus the day a week still working for my brother on his bookwork.
I need to time to find myself, to recover spiritually, physically and emotionally. And I have to find something that I am passionate about. I believe that will be a change of career and direction. I've been teaching now for 25 years. And I was probably over it 5 years ago! But it was always going to be a really good option to fit in with motherhood. Now, I have to time to search and meditate on what my life will be in the future.
It brings sadness to my heart to know what has brought me to this place in my life, but I am grateful to have such a wonderful husband to support me through these changes and to allow me the time to find myself.
The loss of hope and the fear of pregnancy
Somewhere in the back of all of this is the knowledge that we have another shot. We have a frozen embryo to implant. But I have completely lost any sense of hope or positivity that we will ever be successful. Thus, all of the above stuff. And I have such an overwhelming fear of being pregnant and going through it all again.
All my life, no matter what the circumstances, I have always had hope and positivity that things will work out. To lose that core part of me is... gosh I can't think of a word for it. I am completely lost. I am flattened by not having these feelings of hope to ground me and keep me positive - to keep me moving forward.
The only thing I've been able to do is to just wait. Wait and see how these feelings developed, to see where the journey of healing leads me.
Combine that with the absolute fear of pregnancy that I now have. I am terrified of trying again. I don't want to. How can I possibly go through it again. I had such a hard time of it in the 12 weeks that I was pregnant that I just don't believe my old 40 something body capable of it.
Once again, I am allowing myself the time to accept these feelings for what they are right now. Allow them to be, try not to supress them as is my usual form, and let them heal and evolve.
More solutions
So, I'm working through it. I know I'm in survival mode. My old patterns of survival have surfaced and I know that I'm squashing down a lot of emotions. But in the end, I will work through all of this new stuff as well as all of my old stuff.
One really important way of doing that has been through clutter clearing. I have gone through my house like there is no tomorrow. I have thrown out a full rubbish bin worth of stuff. Stuff that I don't use, stuff that has no meaning to me anymore, stuff that is now too old. My home is becoming less cumbersome, more organised, more clear.
And I've had this strange feeling of being more a part of my home, living more fully in it, and in turn, living more fully in myself. It's a new feeling and not really solid yet, but something is definitely going on there.
I've also gotten back to swimming. After having a weeks trial at my local pool, I've joined for a 6 month membership. Getting in the water is so therapeutic. I just love it. And after I've swam my laps, I just revel in it, floating and going under the water. The exercise is doing wonders for me - there is just something about what swimming does for the body. And the water is doing wonders for my soul.
So, I might be a mess, but I'm working through it. I'm seeing my therapist as well as my kinesiologist and they are both helping in their usual freaky combined way. After today's session with the kinesiologist, I feel like maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to swim and not sink (no pun intended, but how appropriate!).
Part of me feels like it's a betrayal to our child to be getting better, but I know I can't think that way. I will always remember and I know that our child would want me to be well and remember with love, not despair. So, as I stay positive with this blog, searching for the good and the helpful things that are in my life, I will continue to move forward.
Love and Light
xxx
But, time is marching on, I'm allowing my emotions to run the course that they need to, and while I am still struggling with so many things, I am now at a point of trying to find my way through them, of trying to recover. As well as sharing my journey in cyber space, this blog has always been a way for me to document our fertility journey. While I couldn't post about the last few weeks when I was in it, I can now document what I've been dealing with by describing how I am trying to get beyond it. A positive, forward thinking conversation rather than one of being in the depths of the emotions.
The loss of motherhood
This has been one of the hardest things that is happening. I've felt such despair and heartache and an incredible sense of loss and nothingness. So, I've had to begin to look at the rest of my life. What I am going to do with it now? For years, it has always been about working towards spending it caring for our children. Now it has to be something different. And it has to be something good or I'm going to go completely insane.
So, Dave and I crunched the figures and made the decision that we will live frugally so I can take the rest of the year off from teaching. As it is turning out, for several reasons I can't bring myself to leave one of my schools, so I will still have a day a week of teaching, plus the day a week still working for my brother on his bookwork.
I need to time to find myself, to recover spiritually, physically and emotionally. And I have to find something that I am passionate about. I believe that will be a change of career and direction. I've been teaching now for 25 years. And I was probably over it 5 years ago! But it was always going to be a really good option to fit in with motherhood. Now, I have to time to search and meditate on what my life will be in the future.
It brings sadness to my heart to know what has brought me to this place in my life, but I am grateful to have such a wonderful husband to support me through these changes and to allow me the time to find myself.
The loss of hope and the fear of pregnancy
Somewhere in the back of all of this is the knowledge that we have another shot. We have a frozen embryo to implant. But I have completely lost any sense of hope or positivity that we will ever be successful. Thus, all of the above stuff. And I have such an overwhelming fear of being pregnant and going through it all again.
All my life, no matter what the circumstances, I have always had hope and positivity that things will work out. To lose that core part of me is... gosh I can't think of a word for it. I am completely lost. I am flattened by not having these feelings of hope to ground me and keep me positive - to keep me moving forward.
The only thing I've been able to do is to just wait. Wait and see how these feelings developed, to see where the journey of healing leads me.
Combine that with the absolute fear of pregnancy that I now have. I am terrified of trying again. I don't want to. How can I possibly go through it again. I had such a hard time of it in the 12 weeks that I was pregnant that I just don't believe my old 40 something body capable of it.
Once again, I am allowing myself the time to accept these feelings for what they are right now. Allow them to be, try not to supress them as is my usual form, and let them heal and evolve.
More solutions
So, I'm working through it. I know I'm in survival mode. My old patterns of survival have surfaced and I know that I'm squashing down a lot of emotions. But in the end, I will work through all of this new stuff as well as all of my old stuff.
One really important way of doing that has been through clutter clearing. I have gone through my house like there is no tomorrow. I have thrown out a full rubbish bin worth of stuff. Stuff that I don't use, stuff that has no meaning to me anymore, stuff that is now too old. My home is becoming less cumbersome, more organised, more clear.
And I've had this strange feeling of being more a part of my home, living more fully in it, and in turn, living more fully in myself. It's a new feeling and not really solid yet, but something is definitely going on there.
I've also gotten back to swimming. After having a weeks trial at my local pool, I've joined for a 6 month membership. Getting in the water is so therapeutic. I just love it. And after I've swam my laps, I just revel in it, floating and going under the water. The exercise is doing wonders for me - there is just something about what swimming does for the body. And the water is doing wonders for my soul.
So, I might be a mess, but I'm working through it. I'm seeing my therapist as well as my kinesiologist and they are both helping in their usual freaky combined way. After today's session with the kinesiologist, I feel like maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to swim and not sink (no pun intended, but how appropriate!).
Part of me feels like it's a betrayal to our child to be getting better, but I know I can't think that way. I will always remember and I know that our child would want me to be well and remember with love, not despair. So, as I stay positive with this blog, searching for the good and the helpful things that are in my life, I will continue to move forward.
Love and Light
xxx
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Our weekend escape
Im writing this post on my tablet from a b and b in the country. It is a pain to type but hear I go anyway. Dave is having a nap and I am sipping red wine. It has been good to get away.
This morning we walked along the beach and then took a picnic lunch to a lovely waterfall in the forest. And that was after a soothing dip in the spa after bacon and eggs for breakfast. Just lovely.
Ive stopped crying. Now my emotions are just confused. I am looking forward to seeing the shrink on monday and starting to get some help with it all.
Ive said my goodbyes and let go of the little soul that was with us for a short time. I miss him/her. My child. I hope one day it can return.
There are so many things to say about how ive been feeling but it is too hard to type on the tablet.
I need to see all my family at once tomorrow at my great nephews first birthday party. That is going to be hard. But I want to go. Its an important day for my niece.
Thank you for the lovely supportive comments. They meant a lot.
Love and light
Xxx
This morning we walked along the beach and then took a picnic lunch to a lovely waterfall in the forest. And that was after a soothing dip in the spa after bacon and eggs for breakfast. Just lovely.
Ive stopped crying. Now my emotions are just confused. I am looking forward to seeing the shrink on monday and starting to get some help with it all.
Ive said my goodbyes and let go of the little soul that was with us for a short time. I miss him/her. My child. I hope one day it can return.
There are so many things to say about how ive been feeling but it is too hard to type on the tablet.
I need to see all my family at once tomorrow at my great nephews first birthday party. That is going to be hard. But I want to go. Its an important day for my niece.
Thank you for the lovely supportive comments. They meant a lot.
Love and light
Xxx
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
It's over.
On Monday, I went with my Mum to my 12 week scan. It showed that our baby had died about a week ago. I keep seeing our lifeless baby on the screen and the look on the doctors face as he prepared to tell me. I could see the heart on the screen with no movement. I could see the shape of our baby, his arms and legs, his head. Just all still. Those images will haunt me forever.
I also keep remembering what our previous scan was like. Seeing the heartbeat, watching our child kick his legs and wave his arms. We were so ecstatic.
But now it's over. And we are devastated. I had to call Dave and tell him over the phone. He is devastated he wasn't there with me. We didn't expect it. Everything was going so well. It was a routine scan.
I asked Mum to come with me when Dave's work prevented him from going. She was so excited. She had never seen a baby ultrasound before. They weren't around when I was born. I am so glad she was able to come with me and I wasn't alone.
I had a d and c at the hospital yesterday. Physically I am recovering well. Emotionally - well, that's another story. After going home on Monday and starting to grieve, we decided to book in the d and c for the next day. The doctor said I could wait for our child to miscarry naturally but it may take a week or two before my body realised I wasn't pregnant. And even then, there was a 50% chance that I may still have needed a d and c. I couldn't wait for so many reasons. One, I couldn't go through the miscarriage on my own. It would be just too awful. Two, the thought of my child being dead inside me was just too traumatic to bear. Even after just a few hours it was messing with me.
I am distraught that it is over. I feel empty. I am heartbroken.
I am seeing my naturopath today to get what I need to deal with this both physically and emotionally. And I am seeing my shrink on Monday. I am searching for ways to honor our child and looking around at support groups. We are thinking that the best thing for us to do to honor him/her would be planting a tree. Maybe a fruit tree in our backyard.
Our first baby scan photos from the fertility clinic arrived in the mail today - 4 weeks late. What awful timing. I don't know what to do with them. Maybe one day I will be able to look at them. Not now.
Dave is working from home today. He doesn't want to be away from me at the moment and I don't want to be alone. We need each other.
Thank you everyone for all your support throughout our journey. The journey isn't over yet, but it is for the next few months while we both recover emotionally and while my body recovers. The last seven months have been gruelling and to have it end like this... well there aren't really any words. We need time.
We have decided to go away this weekend. We have booked a little heritage bed and breakfast about an hour's drive away in the country. It is by the beach. I am looking forward to the quiet and the fresh sea air to begin to heal our grief. It will take time, but this weekend away will be a good start.
Love and Light
Annie
xx
I also keep remembering what our previous scan was like. Seeing the heartbeat, watching our child kick his legs and wave his arms. We were so ecstatic.
But now it's over. And we are devastated. I had to call Dave and tell him over the phone. He is devastated he wasn't there with me. We didn't expect it. Everything was going so well. It was a routine scan.
I asked Mum to come with me when Dave's work prevented him from going. She was so excited. She had never seen a baby ultrasound before. They weren't around when I was born. I am so glad she was able to come with me and I wasn't alone.
I had a d and c at the hospital yesterday. Physically I am recovering well. Emotionally - well, that's another story. After going home on Monday and starting to grieve, we decided to book in the d and c for the next day. The doctor said I could wait for our child to miscarry naturally but it may take a week or two before my body realised I wasn't pregnant. And even then, there was a 50% chance that I may still have needed a d and c. I couldn't wait for so many reasons. One, I couldn't go through the miscarriage on my own. It would be just too awful. Two, the thought of my child being dead inside me was just too traumatic to bear. Even after just a few hours it was messing with me.
I am distraught that it is over. I feel empty. I am heartbroken.
I am seeing my naturopath today to get what I need to deal with this both physically and emotionally. And I am seeing my shrink on Monday. I am searching for ways to honor our child and looking around at support groups. We are thinking that the best thing for us to do to honor him/her would be planting a tree. Maybe a fruit tree in our backyard.
Our first baby scan photos from the fertility clinic arrived in the mail today - 4 weeks late. What awful timing. I don't know what to do with them. Maybe one day I will be able to look at them. Not now.
Dave is working from home today. He doesn't want to be away from me at the moment and I don't want to be alone. We need each other.
Thank you everyone for all your support throughout our journey. The journey isn't over yet, but it is for the next few months while we both recover emotionally and while my body recovers. The last seven months have been gruelling and to have it end like this... well there aren't really any words. We need time.
We have decided to go away this weekend. We have booked a little heritage bed and breakfast about an hour's drive away in the country. It is by the beach. I am looking forward to the quiet and the fresh sea air to begin to heal our grief. It will take time, but this weekend away will be a good start.
Love and Light
Annie
xx
Monday, May 13, 2013
Mothers Day
My wonderful husband surprised me in the morning with my first ever Mothers Day card and a gift voucher to buy maternity clothes when I need to. My first ever Mother's Day! Does it count if you haven't given birth yet?? I've decided it does!!
It was such a lovely surprise and put a huge smile on my miserable face! Yes, my face has been pretty miserable for the last couple of weeks. My hemorrhoids/fissure have been excruciating and are taking so long to heal. The last couple of days though have been better thank goodness. I only have one more day that I can use the cream so I hope it will be alright this week.
I've put together a list of foods and natural therapies that will continue to help me. I know that I started this only using natural treatments and it didn't work, but I'm hoping that now I am recovering, I can use them to maintain and use a better choice of foods to keep my constipation under control.
I am also really struggling with tiredness due to both the hemorrhoids as well as the pregnancy in general. And of course, I haven't been able to exercise - it has been difficult to even walk - and I know that exercise helps with the constipation as well as energy levels. I just have no energy to do anything. I sleep for a couple of hours during the day as well as getting a full nights sleep and am happiest if I am just laying down and reading.
I hate the feeling of no motivation and no energy or ability to do the simplest of tasks. It's not all the time but the majority of the time and is causing me a a lot of guilt and concern. I know I need to be active, I just can't seem to manage it at the moment.
So somehow, I have to let go of the guilt and just let this moment in the pregnancy take its course. David is so understanding and wants me just to rest and heal and not worry about anything. He is driving me to my rehearsal tonight because he knows that my bottom will be screaming after driving for an hour and rehearsing sitting down for two hours. He says "how on earth are you going to manage to drive home for another hour". So, he is driving me in, he will have dinner in town and then hang out for a while till the end of my rehearsal. Thank you honey. I didn't even think of asking him.
What he doesn't realise as well though, is how much it is helping me with my energy. Just the thought of going to rehearsal tonight was draining me. But having him take me and support me, lifts such a burden off my shoulders. I will be okay. I love him so much.
I'm doing it tough. The whole journey has been tough. And I feel like I'm constantly at the edge of breaking point. But throughout it all is the wonderful miracle that I am pregnant. And when I let go of the worry and doubt of that and trust that things are going well, then it makes everything worthwhile.
It was such a lovely surprise and put a huge smile on my miserable face! Yes, my face has been pretty miserable for the last couple of weeks. My hemorrhoids/fissure have been excruciating and are taking so long to heal. The last couple of days though have been better thank goodness. I only have one more day that I can use the cream so I hope it will be alright this week.
I've put together a list of foods and natural therapies that will continue to help me. I know that I started this only using natural treatments and it didn't work, but I'm hoping that now I am recovering, I can use them to maintain and use a better choice of foods to keep my constipation under control.
I am also really struggling with tiredness due to both the hemorrhoids as well as the pregnancy in general. And of course, I haven't been able to exercise - it has been difficult to even walk - and I know that exercise helps with the constipation as well as energy levels. I just have no energy to do anything. I sleep for a couple of hours during the day as well as getting a full nights sleep and am happiest if I am just laying down and reading.
I hate the feeling of no motivation and no energy or ability to do the simplest of tasks. It's not all the time but the majority of the time and is causing me a a lot of guilt and concern. I know I need to be active, I just can't seem to manage it at the moment.
So somehow, I have to let go of the guilt and just let this moment in the pregnancy take its course. David is so understanding and wants me just to rest and heal and not worry about anything. He is driving me to my rehearsal tonight because he knows that my bottom will be screaming after driving for an hour and rehearsing sitting down for two hours. He says "how on earth are you going to manage to drive home for another hour". So, he is driving me in, he will have dinner in town and then hang out for a while till the end of my rehearsal. Thank you honey. I didn't even think of asking him.
What he doesn't realise as well though, is how much it is helping me with my energy. Just the thought of going to rehearsal tonight was draining me. But having him take me and support me, lifts such a burden off my shoulders. I will be okay. I love him so much.
I'm doing it tough. The whole journey has been tough. And I feel like I'm constantly at the edge of breaking point. But throughout it all is the wonderful miracle that I am pregnant. And when I let go of the worry and doubt of that and trust that things are going well, then it makes everything worthwhile.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Scan update
We're back from our scan and all is looking good! Thank goodness. The baby is measuring a little small - the dating being about 6 days out. But the OB is not worried and bubby has continued to grow since Monday's scan.
It is all just amazing, but the MOST amazing thing was we were watching the incredible heartbeat - all 4 chambers clearly visible - and all of a sudden bubby starts kicking his/her legs and waving his/her arms, moving around so much!!! It was incredible. Dave and I both let out an "OH my god!!!!" and started laughing!
I don't think I've ever seen anything so wonderful! And being able to see so much activity from our child was so reassuring. Bubby is alive and active!
Now I have the headspace and heartspace to find my 'Trust' again. It's been so hard the last few days. OB Chris has booked me in Monday week for another informal scan purely for my reassurance. He is just fantastic!
When we left our appointment on Monday, I heard him ask the receptionist if Louise was in and I wondered if that was our fertility OB. Was he going to consult with her?? And today, when he offered the extra scan, he said "after all you've been through, I'm happy to give you the reassurance". I'm wondering if he has spoken to her about us and she filled him in on some of the hardships we have faced.
On the way home, Dave also told me that when I went to toilet on Monday during the appointment, he spoke to Chris alone and said that I do have anxiety problems and he wanted to make sure I was monitored consistently so I wasn't worrying. Possibly part of the reason he offered the extra scan. I love my husband!! He is taking care of me so amazingly well. And so will OB Chris. Just one of the nicest, sincere men. I am grateful.
Love and Light
xxx
It is all just amazing, but the MOST amazing thing was we were watching the incredible heartbeat - all 4 chambers clearly visible - and all of a sudden bubby starts kicking his/her legs and waving his/her arms, moving around so much!!! It was incredible. Dave and I both let out an "OH my god!!!!" and started laughing!
I don't think I've ever seen anything so wonderful! And being able to see so much activity from our child was so reassuring. Bubby is alive and active!
Now I have the headspace and heartspace to find my 'Trust' again. It's been so hard the last few days. OB Chris has booked me in Monday week for another informal scan purely for my reassurance. He is just fantastic!
When we left our appointment on Monday, I heard him ask the receptionist if Louise was in and I wondered if that was our fertility OB. Was he going to consult with her?? And today, when he offered the extra scan, he said "after all you've been through, I'm happy to give you the reassurance". I'm wondering if he has spoken to her about us and she filled him in on some of the hardships we have faced.
On the way home, Dave also told me that when I went to toilet on Monday during the appointment, he spoke to Chris alone and said that I do have anxiety problems and he wanted to make sure I was monitored consistently so I wasn't worrying. Possibly part of the reason he offered the extra scan. I love my husband!! He is taking care of me so amazingly well. And so will OB Chris. Just one of the nicest, sincere men. I am grateful.
Love and Light
xxx
10 weeks
We met with our new OB on Monday. He is wonderful and we are so happy with him. It doesn't matter that it takes us an hour to get there! I am just so relieved to be in good care by a lovely guy who specializes in high risk pregnancies. Very reassuring.
We had another scan which showed a wonderful heartbeat. All things were good - except for the size of our baby. The baby measured small which is not good. However, Chris (OB) was having some problems with the scanner and it is also possible that it was the position of the baby as was the case with our first scan.
So, we have another scan today in the scanning facility, not in his office. All the high tech equipment on hand and we will find out for sure. He wanted to leave it for a few days so he could see that even if the baby is small, that at least he/she is still growing.
Please keep your fingers crossed for us. I've been trying to stay calm and relaxed doing meditations and continuing to talk to our little one, but this of course is worrying me. As the weeks go by, our baby is feeling more and more a part of me. If anything goes wrong...
And to top of my week, I have had the worst case of hemorrhoids and fissure that I have ever had!! OOWWWWW! To the point that I called Dave two days "babbling hysterically" as he called it. He was home from work 20 minutes later, on the phone to the hospital, down to the chemist for medications and had me booked in to the doctor a couple of hours later. What a man!!
They started a few weeks ago, once the constipation set in. I am prone to them, however I couldn't treat them the way I normally would. So, I went down the natural path - eating prunes firstly, then taking homeopathics, extra fibre. But they continued to get worse and worse. On Monday the OB said I can actually use my normal treatment but to be cautious I should wait until 14 weeks.
Well, by the end of that day, I'm thinking I can't wait. And sure enough the next day, I was crying hysterically. We got reassurances from both the hospital and the doctor on the treatment and along with some additional medications, I am now getting better. But I am still sitting on the ring cushion!!
And of course, this is only the first trimester. I am going to really have to take care of this all the way through my pregnancy - especially third trimester. But at least from now on, I can treat it straight away. What fun!! :(
All I can say is thank goodness I am on the mend!
So now I wait patiently for our scan this afternoon, hoping for the big sigh of relief that will come with a good size and heartbeat.
Love and light
xxx
We had another scan which showed a wonderful heartbeat. All things were good - except for the size of our baby. The baby measured small which is not good. However, Chris (OB) was having some problems with the scanner and it is also possible that it was the position of the baby as was the case with our first scan.
So, we have another scan today in the scanning facility, not in his office. All the high tech equipment on hand and we will find out for sure. He wanted to leave it for a few days so he could see that even if the baby is small, that at least he/she is still growing.
Please keep your fingers crossed for us. I've been trying to stay calm and relaxed doing meditations and continuing to talk to our little one, but this of course is worrying me. As the weeks go by, our baby is feeling more and more a part of me. If anything goes wrong...
And to top of my week, I have had the worst case of hemorrhoids and fissure that I have ever had!! OOWWWWW! To the point that I called Dave two days "babbling hysterically" as he called it. He was home from work 20 minutes later, on the phone to the hospital, down to the chemist for medications and had me booked in to the doctor a couple of hours later. What a man!!
They started a few weeks ago, once the constipation set in. I am prone to them, however I couldn't treat them the way I normally would. So, I went down the natural path - eating prunes firstly, then taking homeopathics, extra fibre. But they continued to get worse and worse. On Monday the OB said I can actually use my normal treatment but to be cautious I should wait until 14 weeks.
Well, by the end of that day, I'm thinking I can't wait. And sure enough the next day, I was crying hysterically. We got reassurances from both the hospital and the doctor on the treatment and along with some additional medications, I am now getting better. But I am still sitting on the ring cushion!!
And of course, this is only the first trimester. I am going to really have to take care of this all the way through my pregnancy - especially third trimester. But at least from now on, I can treat it straight away. What fun!! :(
All I can say is thank goodness I am on the mend!
So now I wait patiently for our scan this afternoon, hoping for the big sigh of relief that will come with a good size and heartbeat.
Love and light
xxx
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