Monday, May 13, 2013

Mothers Day

My wonderful husband surprised me in the morning with my first ever Mothers Day card and a gift voucher to buy maternity clothes when I need to.  My first ever Mother's Day!  Does it count if you haven't given birth yet??  I've decided it does!!

It was such a lovely surprise and put a huge smile on my miserable face!  Yes, my face has been pretty miserable for the last couple of weeks.  My hemorrhoids/fissure have been excruciating and are taking so long to heal.  The last couple of days though have been better thank goodness.  I only have one more day that I can use the cream so I hope it will be alright this week.

I've put together a list of foods and natural therapies that will continue to help me.  I know that I started this only using natural treatments and it didn't work, but I'm hoping that now I am recovering, I can use them to maintain and use a better choice of foods to keep my constipation under control.

I am also really struggling with tiredness due to both the hemorrhoids as well as the pregnancy in general.  And of course, I haven't been able to exercise - it has been difficult to even walk - and I know that exercise helps with the constipation as well as energy levels.  I just have no energy to do anything.  I sleep for a couple of hours during the day as well as getting a full nights sleep and am happiest if I am just laying down and reading.

I hate the feeling of no motivation and no energy or ability to do the simplest of tasks.  It's not all the time but the majority of the time and is causing me a a lot of guilt and concern.  I know I need to be active, I just can't seem to manage it at the moment.

So somehow, I have to let go of the guilt and just let this moment in the pregnancy take its course.  David is so understanding and wants me just to rest and heal and not worry about anything.  He is driving me to my rehearsal tonight because he knows that my bottom will be screaming after driving for an hour and rehearsing sitting down for two hours.  He says "how on earth are you going to manage to drive home for another hour".  So, he is driving me in, he will have dinner in town and then hang out for a while till the end of my rehearsal.  Thank you honey.  I didn't even think of asking him.

What he doesn't realise as well though, is how much it is helping me with my energy.  Just the thought of going to rehearsal tonight was draining me.  But having him take me and support me, lifts such a burden off my shoulders.  I will be okay.  I love him so much.

I'm doing it tough.  The whole journey has been tough.  And I feel like I'm constantly at the edge of breaking point.  But throughout it all is the wonderful miracle that I am pregnant.  And when I let go of the worry and doubt of that and trust that things are going well, then it makes everything worthwhile.

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