Yesterday's scan also saw the end of our time with the fertility clinic. Gosh, it seems so weird to say that. Fertility clinics in some form or another have been a part of our lives for four years. And we were with our current one for 18 months.
At the end of the session, they gave us a goodie bag filled with samples of baby things and baby and pregnancy magazines. It was exciting but also scary. It just seems a bit too soon for all of that stuff.
I do feel pretty good with it all, though. My goodness, we have never gotten this far before. To know that there is a little heart beating away inside me. It's amazing! But I will be continuing to pray and meditate and keep my fingers crossed especially up until our 12 week scan.
I'm excited to be going to our new OB in two weeks. He comes highly recommended from Louise and they work quite closely together. Two weeks seems a long way away though. The longest I've gone in between checking on our progress is a week! I'm going to need to use all my deep breathing and calming techniques to stop myself from worrying. "Everything is going well" will need to be my mantra. "Everything is going well" "Everything is going well" "Everything is going well".
One of my friends is now in a position in her relationship where they are thinking about having children and she has begun taking pre-conception supplements. She is 42. I so hope it's not going to be as hard for her as it was for me. I don't know that my experience will be able to help her either. She is very strong willed in her beliefs and has to work things out in her own way. But I will be there for her no matter what happens.
No-one can really understand what it is like to be infertile if they haven't been through it. And I know how extraordinarily helpful and supportive it has been to have been able to connect with other women through their infertile blogs. I have two wonderful friends who have been incredibly supportive but no-one in real life who has experienced infertility. She can. I'd like to think that she doesn't have a long road ahead of her and perhaps we will even be pregnant together. But I know all too well about the problems with the aging of ones eggs after 40. And she has less time to work it out than I did. I started at 40. I have my fingers crossed for her as well!!
In the meantime, I am happy for myself. I am happy to finally be pregnant with a heartbeat. I am in disbelief that we have finished at the fertility clinic! I am doing my best to be careful and healthy for our baby to give it the best chance I can. And I am waiting. Waiting to see what happens, waiting to see the OB, waiting to be able to say second trimester.
Love and light