I am pregnant
I AM pregnant
I am PREGNANT!!
Today I went to see my kinesiologist. What an amazing woman she is. I told her that I was pregnant but I didn't like the place that I was in. I was worried and stressed and tired and I knew that it wasn't good for me or the baby.
I walked out of that session feeling like a different person. The excitement is back, the trust is back, the surety that we are succeeding is back. The loving connection with our little one is back. My grounding is back and my spiritual connection is back. I feel happy!
I never mentioned the word "trust" to her, but it came up several times throughout the session. What also came up, over and over, was my fear, anxiety and worry. Fear of disappointment. Fear that I will be disappointed again.
It turns out that the fear and worry were not just on a surface level but were emerging deep from my unconscious. A lifetime of fear and worry was emerging and being reflected into worry for my baby.
Carolyn cleared all of that. She reopened my connection to Spirit and aligned my energy once more. I'm amazed at how much better I feel. I feel much more secure in the process. I feel greater Trust that things are working well.
She asked me if I could remember a time when I completely trusted in the process of my life, of the universe unfolding. And I couldn't. I don't remember ever feeling like that. Now it's time that I did. Anytime the fear emerges, I need to delete that file and replace it with the new one of Trust and acceptance. Of living in the moment. And in this moment right now, I AM PREGNANT! I rejoice in that, I feel the joy, I feel the love for our tiny little bundle of cells that are still dividing and growing just like the nurse told me that they were.
After the trust question, Carolyn asked me if I could remember a time when I felt truly at peace and calm with my life. And I do remember that. Just one period in my life. It was just before I met Dave. A few months before, I had broken up from a destructive relationship and I was just beginning to get my life back again. I don't know why, or how it happened, or how to recreate it, but for several months, my life was good. I was constantly feeling the peacefulness of life, the simplicity of life. I was always taking time to connect with Spirit and centre myself. I was eating well, exercising daily, with no problems or addictive behaviours or thoughts.
I've often wanted to go back to that time in my life. Perhaps now is the time to recreate it. Perhaps now I am ready.
Thank you Carolyn for helping me to move past the fear that I have been living with the last few weeks. Thank you Spirit for leading me to Carolyn a few months ago. I do credit her as a significant part of how we were able to finally conceive.
I asked her if she knew of any meditiation CD's that would be good for me to stay connected. And she has given me some ideas. So, I'm going to follow through on that and hopefully find the exact right one for me.
I Am Pregnant!!