Trust

This post is designed to try and pull me out of my fear and back into Trust, cause I really need to.

I had my final blood test before our scan on Monday.  Everything is still going forward.  My HCG levels are now just under 10,000 and the other hormones are progressing as well.  But it just all seems to have slowed down.

I was expecting the hormones to be around 15,000 give or take.  So when they weren't I questioned how the progress was going.  The nurse assured me that you can't give a lot of status to the numbers at this stage.  According to their pregnancy hormone chart, I am still doing fine.  It is the scan on Monday that will really tell us what is going on.  All going well, we will hear a heartbeat or two.  She said the fact that hormones are still increasing shows that the cells are still dividing and progressing.  That I wasn't to worry.

I'm just not sure if she is just trying to comfort me until the scan or she really believes that things are going ok.

I'm so scared that things have slowed down and aren't progressing properly anymore.

I need to let go of this fear and Trust.  But I'm not sure how to do that.

I think what I will do for now is lay down and do my Light and Love meditation.  Imagine bubby (ies) inside me and send them all the good energy I can.  Deep breathing will also relax me and get me focused on what is important.  Being positive about our pregnancy and trusting that all is going ok.

This isn't an easy process.  It's hard to feel the joy.  But we are still further along than we have ever gotten before and I need to be grateful for that and allow that to generate Hope.

Deep breaths.

Trust.

Be so thankful and amazed that we have gotten this far.

Let go.