The last day of the year…

I can feel it in my bones – 2010 is going to be a GOOD year!!

I don’t know what it is, but as the year is drawing to a close, I am feeling better and better about the next year.  Positive, excited, hopeful, eager, at peace. 

Is anyone else feeling similar emotions and thoughts about 2010?

We are spending tonight’s celebration at our property in the country.  400 acres of wilderness!  I’m so excited about it!  It is a REALLY hot day here today and the property is terrible in the heat, so we are going up late afternoon in order to get there around sunset.  I have sparklers, glow in the dark necklaces and frisbees and all sorts of other things!  Out there in the pitch black they are going to look great!

One great exciting thing to start the year off is that our new Canon SLR camera arrived today!!  We are SO excited!  I am so looking forward to being able to take really good photos and displaying them on here as well as around our home etc.! 

Today is Day 31 of my cycle and we are waiting to see if there will be a Day 1.  [My last cycle was 31 days and the two before were 32.]  Which means we are also waiting to see whether I will be drinking alcohol tonight for New Year or still being alcohol free.  My preference of course is that I’m pregnant!  Of course!!

However, if my period comes tomorrow or the day after and I’ve missed out on New Years drinks then that will be disappointing as well!!  :) :)

For some reason, I haven’t wanted to do a pregnancy test.  We have family visiting and we still aren’t telling anyone about our pregnancy efforts.  So, it is a little awkward.  And I think a big part of me wants to be able to run around the house and yell out my excitement when the result is positive!!  But, the family are leaving on Tuesday, so if there is no change by then, then we will do a test!  And hopefully run around in excitement!! 

In the meantime, I am feeling good about myself and us and our lives.  I am happy in the moment and content with the day.

I like that this is the predominant feeling I have, even though there are some other things going on that I am not happy about.  Within the challenges, there is a centre to my being.  A growing connection to my spirituality that has been dormant for a little while.  And I believe that it is my other blog – Creating Peaceful Thoughts – that is re-awakening this connection with my Spirit and very importantly, allowing me to feel more peaceful and stress-free in order to conceive and grow our child!

So, a peaceful waiting is in order for the next few days.  And whether tonight is alcohol free or not, I’m going to have a great time!!

Happy New Year, Everyone!!!

Dear little one,

To our dear little one to be,

Today has been the best Christmas morning I have had in years.  It is the third Christmas that your father and I have spent together, but it is the first one where we have woken up together in our own home, and celebrated with love and opening presents around the Christmas tree.

Grandma P is here also, visiting from Sydney, and it has made it feel like such a special family morning.  I am so grateful and happy.

I can’t even remember the last time that I woke up in my own home on Christmas morning and not been alone.  I lived alone for so many years before I met your Daddy.  I am so grateful and happy to have him in my life.  Today I am feeling truly blessed.

And I dream of you.  I wonder if you are here already, growing in my womb.  I feel such love and strong sense of protection for you.  I can’t even begin to imagine how I am going to feel when I know you are truly here, let alone when I hold you in my arms for the first time.  What a Christmas that will be, when we can celebrate with you as well.

Grandma and Dad have gone to mass this morning and I have some quiet time for a little while.  Soon we will head over to Grandma and Grandpa O and spend the rest of the day with them and the rest of our family.  Christmas as normal!

This year though, it is better.  There is your Dad, there are thoughts and hopes for you and there is so much more peace in my life.  I am grateful.

Merry Christmas!

Well, no activity on the conception front.  We are in the last half of my cycle and just waiting to see what happens.

Naturopath and Acupuncturist are on holiday break, so no appointments.

It’s all very quiet!

So from one woman Down Under to those of you reading – Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukah or whatever greeting you prefer!

I hope you have a wonderful holiday break and a great day on Friday with your loved ones!

A week of appointments

This week has been full of appointments – fertility clinic, two to my naturopath (one for massage and one for a naturo consult) and one to my acupuncturist.

My acupuncture appointment yesterday turned out to be a massage treatment.  I have put my neck out.  So annoying, but in the flow of my new resolve of creating peaceful thoughts, I am choosing to be grateful for the challenge that it has brought into my life.
The biggest challenge – I have to play for a wedding and pre-reception drinks today.  A bad neck and flute playing don’t really go together very well!  But I will manage as always!

Yesterday’s naturopath appointment was a good one!  Of course, they usually are!  I ended up at Gribbles pathology for yet another blood test.  This one was determine how much B12 and folic acid I personally need.  Everyone’s bodies need different amounts.  I have been taking both for a long time now, but as they are a critical part of developing a good healthy baby, QN sent me off for this specific test, so I can take the right amounts for me and bubby to be!

What was amazing, was that she had stamped urgent on the form and after they took my blood – they preceded to tell me that QN would have it in a couple of hours!!!!  Incredible!!  Their laboratory is right on site and they would do it straight away.  Hopefully QN will have time to look at it so I can pick up whatever herbs I need today.  She goes on 3 weeks break today and, while I know she will still call me and have me come in to pick them up next week, I don’t want her to have to.  It’s her holiday for goodness sake!!  We all deserve a break.

QN also looked at my blood and it was looking better than it has in some time.  All the red blood cells were floating freely, with no clumping!  But there were a few misshapen ones which are a sign of low magnesium, so we will add magnesium to the mix and I be good to go!

So once again this week, an appointment showing that things are looking good in my body.  All good news, giving me every reason to be optimistic that sometime soon we will have a little one to care for.

A new blog

Hi all,

I have started a new secondary blog!  It’s called Creating Peaceful Thoughts.  Something aside from the journey toward conception.  Or something extra alongside!  Whichever way, I wanted to keep it seperate from this record of our pregnancy goals.

I would love to see you over there!

Fertility Clinic results

I had my second appointment with the GYN this week.   The results are all good. 

• All my hormones were where they should be,
• D’s results were good,
• I have a high egg count for my age,
• my scan was mostly good with some strange follicle/cyst behaviour that doesn’t concern her,
• she says that I am ovulating.

Still no pregnancy!

My naturopath and acupuncturist are really pleased.  They believe that all that we have been doing for the last 5 months is working.  And I do too!  They believe that I have had/still have PCOS, but that the herbs and acupuncture are doing their job and the cysts are gradually staying away.  Queen Naturo also reminded me that a few months ago, my bloods showed that I wasn’t ovulating, so progress is being made!

At this stage, the GYN has no answer, but she does have action.  Over the next two months, I undergo:

• a blood test each cycle to continue to monitor my ovulation.  She wants to look at whether I am regularly ovulating or not. 
  However she did say something really interesting about this.  That the fact that my cycles have regulated over the last few months, is a good sign that I am ovulating.  She said that regular cycles mean regular ovulation!  Once again, thanks to Queen Naturo and King Acupunt.  Because before them, my cycles were all over the place.  Probably why I still have lots of eggs left!!
• And she has also scheduled me in for a HSG scan to look at my tubes.  Once again, it doesn’t sound like a pleasant experience!  But I am grateful to be able to find out whether my tubes are healthy or blocked in any way.

After that, if things are still looking good, then it becomes a diagnosis of unexplained infertility.  From there, we can choose to either continue to try on our own, or take the IVF path. 

If we are very fortunate, a pregnancy will ensue before that time comes!  However, we both agree that in two months, if we still aren’t pregnant, we will continue to work with the naturopath for a little while longer.  You gotta have faith in their 100% strike rate!

I am very grateful to know though, that the GYN will be happy to proceed with IVF.  Issues of my weight did come up, along with the complications it can cause, but it is not enough to not proceed with IVF.  She has simply encouraged me to continue to work on that area.  Like I haven’t been working on that issue every day of my life!

She was really good in this consultation.  You may remember I was unhappy with our last appointment, but it was really good this time.  She was very support and compassionate, gentle and reassuring with all the results.   And only 30 minutes late instead of 90!!  :)

So, I’ve come away reassured by all the test results.

• I believe that, while there are still some cysts I am recovering from PCOS!
• I am not yet convinced on the ovulation thing.  Maybe Baby is still showing nothing and I am not feeling anything myself either.  It is possible though, that Maybe Baby is just not working for me.  And their website also states that it isn’t right for everyone. 
  I am looking forward to finding out the results of continuing ovulation testing and of course, seeing whether or not, I begin a new cycle!

Beauty products.

Day 12.  No signs of ovulation yet.  With my 32 day cycle, I should begin getting signs on the Maybe Baby on Day 14.

Other than that – no news on the conception front.

I go to the fertility clinic next week for the results of all the tests and the first phase of treatment from them.

I have another acupuncture appointment today.

Yesterday was my birthday.  41 years old.

I had a wonderful day.  One of the things that made it so great was going out with my Mum for Jurlique facials together.  We booked it sometime ago and both had vouchers from presents over the year from my sister-in-law. 

Oh my God!  I haven’t had a facial like that in years!!  It was fantastic!  I am a new Jurlique fan.  I didn’t know about their products before.  They are in the high price range and I never looked.  I am in love.  Organically grown. All natural. No nanoparticles (now THAT is a whole other post.  if you are interested in learning about this dangerous product that is now in our cosmetics – google it)  It is just so darn expensive. 

Anyway, I have treated myself to a few products and am now researching other brands that don’t have nanoparticles, are still natural, but aren’t quite so expensive.  Fingers crossed I can find one.  Looks like I have some changes to make to my make up and beauty products cupboards.

I get some things from my naturopath.  She has someone working in the clinic who makes all natural moisturizers etc especially designed for your skin. And they are a good price. But my skin still feels fantastic today after yesterday using the Jurlique products.  The difference is huge.  A balance between the two maybe in order.

The most important thing is that I am not putting anything in or on my body that can cause any damage to me or our future child. 

Why is it that there are so many things brought into our daily lives by big companies that are actually harmful to us??  Money, of course.  But why?  I just don’t understand.  In my head, it would make more money, if it really was good for you.  I hope that more and more people insist on the right products so that eventually big companies are forced to make good choices for the health of the worldwide population.

All okay!

Well, the ultrasound was fine.  No big deal at all.  Thank you everyone for your support and words of encouragement.  It was a relief to hear that I had nothing to worry about.

Now that a day has passed I’m not upset by the conclusions that the doctor came to.  Instead I am excited to have seen my womb and ovaries and grateful that, in his eyes, everything is normal.

While I know they do this everyday and know exactly what they are seeing and looking for, I felt that it was a rushed and cursory look at my insides.  He quickly looked at the first ovary and said that there were no cysts at all.  He then moved over to the other ovary and as he was looking caught a quick glance of some cysts on that ovary.

He looked all over this ovary and proclaimed that they were nothing and my ovary was normal.  Yet he took some time to show me the cysts that he did find, pointing them out specifically.  He said that he really had to look for them to find them and that they weren’t anything worth proclaiming over.

When I questioned him as to whether these cysts could cause a problem with ovulation, he was quite abrupt and said “your ovaries are normal”.

I find it strange that he saw cysts, pointed them out to me and yet diagnosed normal ovaries.  And I can’t help wonder how well he looked at my first ovary.

I have yet to speak to my naturopath about it, but I get a feeling I know what they both will say.  That any cysts are something that need to be dealt with and can be a factor in ovulation problems. [ I read that a cyst is a follicle that didn’t fully increase in size in order to release it’s egg.  And there were several of them.  This certainly explains not ovulating every month.]  And that the medical profession are quick to dismiss minor things as not important.  Yet, on a holistic scale, the smallest things can be a big influence and it makes the world of difference when they are treated.  I don’t like the idea at all that there are undeveloped follicles not able to do their job, resulting in another month of not being able to conceive.

I also had a lot of blood taken for many more blood tests.  All of which will assist the GYNs diagnosis, which is the one that counts.  There is much that needs to be taken into consideration.  I am eager to see what she says and chooses to do.

I am sure my weight will, unfortunately, be a factor in the next appointment as well as the last one.  Everywhere that you look up PCOS, obesity is a factor.  Yet, I believe that is more of a consequence than a cause.  Which just makes it all a vicious cycle!  Nevertheless, now that I am on holidays, I will have more time and more headspace in which to once again address this issue and hopefully make a difference in both our conception journey and my own personal happiness!

[PS.  Just found this quote from an article talking about how even a minor weight loss in PCOS sufferers results in increased blood flow to the womb, which can help assist the eggs release and help with embryo implantation.]

Women with PCOS, which is one of the most common causes of infertility, tend to put on weight because of their condition and struggle more than other women to lose it through diet and exercise.

I am excited to have seen my womb and ovaries!
I am very grateful that there weren’t a lot of cysts found.
I am extremely grateful that everything is “all normal”.
And I am highly grateful that I am already taking herbal medications to treat PCOS.

I am also excited by the follicle that the doctor showed me.  He said “see this black blob here.  That is a follicle starting growing in size.  It shows that you are getting ready to ovulate!”
I was SO EXCITED to hear him say that and to see it on the screen!!! 
Lets hope that this follicle continues to grow and develop and release its little egg rather than turning into a cyst.  It certainly was larger than the cysts he pointed out earlier on!!

Chilling out!

Peace and Quiet. 
Time for myself.
So many good things.

It’s 7 pm.
It’s still daylight!
I have one more day of teaching before I start summer holidays.
The mouse has left the house!  We can now get a good nights sleep!
D is at kickboxing and the house is so so so quiet.
The sound of birds chirping as the day winds to a close is beautiful.
There is a beautiful breeze floating around the house.
I’ve had dinner.
D’s dinner is ready for him when he comes home.
I am enjoying the one perk of getting my period and not being pregnant – a really nice glass of red wine! 
Ah, bliss.

It’s amazing how not drinking enhances the effects of alcohol when you do indulge!  Half a glass of wine and I am going wooooooo!!!  haha!
I feel so relaxed.  It’s heaven.
I’m looking forward to having one more glass to share with D when he returns.  We don’t get to drink together very often anymore.  And it was one of the things the we bonded with when we first met – our love of wine.
So while it is disappointing to be starting a new cycle, we get to share that love for one little night (maybe two nights!  :)  )