Nervous

Cycle 7 of our journey to conception started today.  Which means that on Wednesday I go to the fertility clinic for my ultra sound.

I rang to make the appointment today and get all the details only to discover that its not the kind of ultra sound that I though it was going to be.  It is done vaginally.  Oh dear.  I know that if my cycles keep coming around there will be more to go through than just this, but I didn’t expect it and I am a bit taken aback.

The clinic described it as similiar to having a pap smear.  But I can’t imagine it being like that.  It must be more invasive than that if they are going to look around my insides.

I’m really quite worried and nervous and scared about it.

Is there anyone who has experienced this kind of ultra sound?

UPDATE:

Since writing this last night, I did a bit of research on the net.  And discovered it doesn’t sound too bad after all.  Phewwwww!!!! My imaginings got the better of me for a little while!

Will it work?

On Wednesday, I go see my naturopath.  I have to pre-order any herbs etc I will need for the next two months because of the Christmas break.  I think it may end up costing us a lot because we will have to look at the “what if?” herbs as well.

What if I’m pregnant?  Then I have to go on different herbs than I am on now.  Herbs to help hold the pregnancy for starters.  Then I’m sure there will be different things that we haven’t talked about yet.

And what if I get my pregnant while they are on their 4 week break???  We need to be prepared.

My appointment is 4 days before my next cycle is due to begin.  The pregnancy test I have says you can test 4 days in advance, however it may not be as accurate as testing later.  In otherwords, if it says I am not pregnant, there is still a chance I may be.

I think I will still do the test, because if it does show I am pregnant, aside from the Waaahhhoooooooo!  hahahaha, then we can better prepared for the Christmas break.

I sure hope we don’t have to spend a lot of money on ‘what ifs?’ !

A minor trial!

Gosh, it was hard last night after the concert.  D took me out for dinner and I SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO wanted a glass of wine.

Instead a glass of lemonade, a beautiful meal and I came home to an icecream and a glass of de-alcoholised wine.  The craving was over!

I so enjoy and appreciate wine, and after a long week, it would have been the perfect way to relax and unwind.  But there is absolutely no way I am risking any chance of damage to a possible child of mine!

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is becoming more and more recognised.  And both our naturopath and acupuncturist are VERY passionate about it's reality and NO alcohol being drunk during pregnancy.  Fortunately this was a decision I had already come to before even seeing them for fertility.

I didn't realise the extent of it though, until they passed on the research they have about it.  After reading that, not even half a glass will pass through my lips.  Gosh, it will be a hard 9 months!!  :):) 

Thank goodness for de-alcoholised wine is all I can say!

It’s strange really, the research of this syndrome.  Because down through the ages, alcohol has been consumed by pregnant mothers with no effects.  And yet, other times, the effects have been disastrous.  It makes you wonder why things seemed to have changed so much.

But nevermind, better to be safe than sorry – especially being over 40!  There are enough risks at it is!

Going with the flow

Today sees me going with the flow.

I keep thinking to myself “I could be pregnant.  It is possible.  I could be!!” 

It will be a little while before I can find out.  So, in the meantime I need to go with the flow of life.  It is so important not to get so caught up in the possibilities that we become disheartened if the result isn’t what we wish.  There are also so many reasons why it would be good for us to have more time.  So, whatever happens is meant to be!

A surprise in the microscope

Yesterday morning I leaned over to do the daily saliva test.  10 minutes later, I am handing the mini microscope over to D in total surprise.  The reading was positive!  I was ovulating!  It had been five days since that first sign of ovulation with nothing since then.  There was joy and confusion from both of us!

This morning – once again, nothing on the test.  It is just so strange.

What normally happens with Maybe Baby is that you have two or three days of pre-ovulation readings, 1-2 days full ovulation readings and 2-3 days post-ovulation readings.  So this is all very strange.

Nevertheless, the two week wait now will test my patience.  While it is all a bit strange, yesterdays random reading puts the thought in our heads that it might just be possible this cycle for us to have conceived!  Maybe…  Maybe Baby!  :):)

While there is that joy of hopefulness, I am mostly  feeling disillusioned with it all at the moment.  I do acknowledge that other factors in my life are contributing to this feeling.  One of them is not feeling well at the moment, and another is a colleague announcing her pregnancy at our meeting last night.  Wonderful news for her!  :)  I just wish I was there as well.

The arthritis is giving me grief and I can feel it in my knuckles and ankles as well.  It’s as though, my body is saying “Now that I am diagnosed, feel it in all its glory!”

So, I need to work at riding through these feelings and overcoming the factors that are contributing to them.  I’ve got some work to do this morning, that will feel good to have completed and I have some difficult things to achieve at school that will hopefully, in time, begin to lift my spirits as well.

I put out to the Universe - positivity, hopefulness, patience, good health, perseverance and our dreams of a different life.

… ah, the Universe is surprising.  After writing that last sentence I did a google image search for happiness.  It gave me this photo from… wait for it… an arthritis website!  Perhaps it is time to researching this as well – with joy that I finally have a diagnosis.

Time to blog!

I have no more conception news today.  I simply have the time to blog!  My goodness!  Where did that come from!  :)

I had the day off yesterday and apart from a couple of appointments decided to chill out.  No banking, no bookwork, no reports, no teaching, no flute, no errands!  And with the temperature sitting at around 38C(100F) for the last week and still into the future, what a day to do it!

So, today comes around and I am feeling relaxed, easygoing, with time on my hands.  Yes, all of the above things need to be done but I simply enjoyed the shopping and errands this morning and left the rest.  I deserve the break and I feel good about it!  Its so HOT here!!  Who wants to do anything!

Tomorrow I have a flute society AGM in the afternoon (the bbq lunch was cancelled due to the extreme weather!) and then we are off to see the Time Travellers Wife.  Can’t wait!

Maybe I will just do those reports now and get them out of the way…
…  mmm, no it seems it is time to go down to the beach for an evening walk.  Oh dear, what a shame!  :)…
… Oh, got the reports done, Yeea!  Now down to the beach!

Our trip to Sydney was wonderful!  We had a great trip and really enjoyed the four day (there and back) road trip together.  On the way home, we saw this amazing old train bridge and stopped to take photos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fertility Clinic

Wow, time is flying past me so quickly at the moment. The end of the school year is always a hectic time, but the Summer Holidays are almost here. Four weeks to go and then a seemingly endless 7 weeks break!

It was about three weeks ago when we went to our first fertility clinic appointment. I came away happy and disappointed all at the same time.

We waited an hour and a half past our appointment time before we finally got in to see her. 10 minutes later we were out of her room and passed on to someone else. We were told the appointment would be an hour, and I was expecting so much more. There were a few questions, a background history and then signing off on lots of tests. Blood tests, sperm tests, and an ultra sound.

After we had been passed on, another lady did our height and weight, organised the tests, told us where to go and then we were done. What the...?

There were two things the GYN said that upset me. She had a complete dismissal of all the naturopathic tests I had done and anything related to natural medicine. And she said that my weight was a problem in retaining a pregnancy. I understand now though that she was simply covering all bases. Anything that could a problem is looked at and tried to overcome. But in the short term time after the appointment, I was really upset. My doctor, naturopath and accupunturist all assured me this wasn't a problem, yet here is the GYN blunty saying it is.

However, the she covered all that I had questions about and all that I wanted to have done. She had a suspicion of PCOS before I even mentioned it and I was grateful when she signed off on the ultra sound tests.

I have had 3 progesterone tests at two day intervals in the second half of my cycle. And on day 3, I go in for my ultra sound. Then I see her again with all the results. Unfortunately, we were in Sydney for my last Day 3, so we have to wait till my next cycle to do this.

The lastest news is that this cycle we were excited to have some sign of ovulation from the Maybe Baby and my breasts became quite sore - a sign of ovulation. However, the Maybe Baby only had one day of positivity, not the 5 or 6 days it should have. After having some sign and then nothing the day after, we were so disappointed.

I saw the doctor this morning and she said that sore breasts are a sign of an increase in progesterone. And it is likely that my progesterone increased but not quite enough to produce an egg.

So, we are not there yet this cycle, but we have had our first sign of ovulation in 4 months, so it is a step closer!!

On another medical note, the reason for my doctors appointment today was to get the results of the x-rays on my knee. I finally have a diagnosis for the knee pain that I have had for over 12 years. Arthritis! Can you believe that?! I developed arthritis in my knees in my 20's. Ah the joys of netball. I played the game from the time I could hold a ball and now I have the knees to proof it!

I am grateful to have the diagnosis and now have some medication to help. I wonder how this will be affected during my pregnancy??!

Back on board and a trip away!

I can’t believe it’s been so long since my last post.  The last couple of weeks have just been insanely busy getting ready for our trip away.  We leave tomorrow! 

This trip is occurring in Week 4 of Term 4.  One of the busiest times in the school year.  I’ve had to work my butt off around the clock to get all the work done so that I can go away for a week at this unheard of time.  Probably the first teacher ever to have a holiday in Term 4.  Insane!! 

Not only that, but my group was hired to play at two weddings this weekend.  Bad timing!  I have organised fill-ins of course, but am losing out on income myself.  One of them also was a time consuming one for preparations with four arrangements to write.  It has taken me many evenings to get that done in time!

But nevermind, it is all for a good cause!!  One that I am really looking forward to.  D’s friend is getting married next weekend.  We are driving over and it will probably take about 17 hours to get there.  We are staying overnight at some of his relatives, which will be the first time I have met them! 

He is getting married in THE cathedral in Sydney, the biggest and the best!  I have seen it from the outside but have never gone in.  I can’t wait!!  I have been out shopping the last couple of days and bought a new dress for the occasion as well as some other new clothes   for the days. 

Essentially this trip has motivated me to do my summer wardrobe shopping and I am pretty much set for the season now.  Not only that, but I got all the sales!  I did really well with everything!!

There is a bit of catching up to do on our pregnancy journey.  A first trip to the fertility clinic!  Which I will write all about in my next post. 

And the other news, is that I still haven’t ovulated.  But the new cycle has begun again and once again, I am hopeful and excited that this month will be the one!  At least for an ovulation if not a conception.  That would be wonderful progress!!