When D moved in, we combined two households of furniture into one. Despite culling and storing, as you can imagine, the house became VERY full!
So, my love of re-arranging has been restrained. Furniture is bigger and heavier, there is less space and the possibilities are very limited. However, finally this week, after several weeks of it building, I finally came up with a plan. The place looks great! It's more open and fresher. Cleaner and tidier.
But there was a hiccup! I believe I have torn the ligaments in my right knee. The difficulties arising from this and attempting to become pregnant are not good. It could take months to get into surgery to have it fixed and if I am then pregnant, it won't be possible. Which means going through my pregnancy with a bung knee.
And then of course, exercise is problematic which is a problem for my fitness level in coping with the pregnancy. I haven't really got into a good and regular routine and am desperate to do so. But my usual exercise - Walking and Curves - are not possible right now. However, water exercise could solve the problem. But I don't like going to the public pool! Guess I will just have to suck it up!
The funny thing is though, that I am not irritated or angry or upset at having done this to my knee. Aside from the above concerns, there are no negative emotions AT ALL. I find myself going with the flow and accepting of it all.
It seems a strange reaction, yet there is absolutely no other feelings but these. I am not upset about it. And while I really want to get my fitness back to its normal level, I find myself not worried at all about not being able to go to Curves.
I feel a sense of relief. A sense of destiny.
Now I can slowly, in my own pace, with no pressure of 3x a week getting to the gym, get back into my love of walking. I mean, I love Curves and want to continue with it later down the track, but for some reason, I feel as though I have let go of a burden.
And then I came across this article from the Infertility-Fertility blog on stress and exercise. Here is a quote...
We saw that if you are stressed when you start exercise, your body reacts differently than if you are not chronically stressed and exercise. Not only does it appear that exercise was more stressful for already stressed women, but certainly exercise did not help them lower their stress hormones, which is of course one reason people take up exercising.I do have a tendency to be stressed without even knowing it. When I think about it though, I know I am placing a lot of pressure on myself to be fit and healthy for bubby. And I am not being very successful, which is definitely causing me stress. Stress that is based on a life-time of stress over the same issues.
This article confirms for me that something is not right. I need to reassess. I need to do one of the most important things for me in this process - find the stress free me.
My knee injury is my sign. It is telling me to stop, to chill out. I am not upset by my knee for a reason. It is time I took a back step and relaxed with my life. I am allowed to let go of the pressure of immediate health and fitness. I am grateful for being forced to stop, for being given a reason to stop. I have been given permission to gradually find my love of walking and living a life of exercise once more.