I've been struggling with this 2WW. Its been the longest one ever. The other day I realised why. I am well. I am healthy. With all the other 2WW, I have been dealing with one thing or other - the complications from a harvest, reactions to the hormones, etc etc. This time, however, I haven't had to deal with any of that. It was a straight frozen transfer - no surgery, no hormones (except Crinone after the transfer). There has been nothing else to occupy my mind!
So this morning I gave in two days early and did a home pregnancy test. It was negative. I called the clinic and organised to have my blood test today to confirm. But I feel it is just a formality. The home test would have been accurate at this stage of the game.
I am heartbroken. Again. Nemo hasn't stayed with us.
We are left with a major decision. Can I go through another round or do we close the door? I just don't think I can do it again. But for us not to have children, to let go of the dream of our own family? I don't know about that either.
I really felt like it was going to work this time. I was so confident. Nemo was the one. Now I'm left numb again. I've shut down. I know I will come out of it again. I did before. For now though, it's hard.
I have the day at home today and the time to be able to grieve once more. I am grateful for that.