Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The end of the 2WW

I've been struggling with this 2WW.  Its been the longest one ever.  The other day I realised why.  I am well.  I am healthy.  With all the other 2WW, I have been dealing with one thing or other - the complications from a harvest, reactions to the hormones, etc etc.  This time, however, I haven't had to deal with any of that.  It was a straight frozen transfer - no surgery, no hormones (except Crinone after the transfer).  There has been nothing else to occupy my mind!

So this morning I gave in two days early and did a home pregnancy test.  It was negative.  I called the clinic and organised to have my blood test today to confirm.  But I feel it is just a formality.  The home test would have been accurate at this stage of the game.

I am heartbroken.  Again.  Nemo hasn't stayed with us.

We are left with a major decision.  Can I go through another round or do we close the door?  I just don't think I can do it again.  But for us not to have children, to let go of the dream of our own family?  I don't know about that either.

I really felt like it was going to work this time.  I was so confident.  Nemo was the one.  Now I'm left numb again.  I've shut down.  I know I will come out of it again.  I did before.  For now though, it's hard.

I have the day at home today and the time to be able to grieve once more.  I am grateful for that.

No comments:

Post a Comment