Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Back once more.

[I’ve put this post on both my blogs, with just a different last paragraph for each!]

An email from Flower Power Mom, sent me to my blog again today after two months of quiet.  And of course, the timing is interesting.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my hobbies and interests and how I am missing them.  I know this is related a lot to my journey through Marianne Williamson’s book “A Course in Weight Loss”.  There has been a small but noticeable shift away from addictive routines and rituals and this has left me with a bit more time to think about the things I love doing in my life.

Lately, life has just been about surviving.  Getting through the day and then having the necessary time that I have needed lately just to do nothing, to have down time, to eat.  But the last few days I have been feeling unfulfilled and, lets face it, plain boring, by not indulging in all the things I love – bushwalking, photography and blogging – to name the main ones. 

And, aside from my addictive routines, I’ve been wondering how much of this is related to being in a relationship compared to being single.  I seemed to have much more time and headspace to indulge in my interests when I was single.  Not that I would ever want to go back there, not at all.  D is the best thing in my life and I never want to lose what we have together.  I just need to also find the headspace for the other things in my life that make me who I am, as well as having the time that I love for our relationship.

The funny thing is that, aside from blogging, my other two interests are also D’s interests.  Two of the first things that drew us together!  So, why aren’t we continuing to indulge in these loves together?

I know a lot of it, for both of us, is time and the demands of work, particularly for D.  And for me, it is also the desire to simply be with him.  For example, I no longer go walking early in the morning, because I love cuddling up in bed for a while and then eating breakfast together before D rushes off early in the morning for work.  And by then, I need to be getting ready and heading off as well.  And for the last few months, my own addictive problems have prevented me from being able to exercise after work.

A couple of times over the last week, we have gone out for a walk together early in the morning, but it is tough to do that.  We have to wake up extra early.  So, want I need, is to find that place within me again that motivates me to go to the gym on my way home.  Somewhere in me is the old energy that wants to get out and go places and do things – that wants to blog and connect with others over the net – that wants to take beautiful photographs.

At least I am blogging today!

On the plus side, D and I have filled our weekends the last few weeks with renovating our home.  We are painting, building walls, sanding, planning, shopping, looking at home ideas shops and magazines.  It is so very rewarding.  We have redesigned the layout of our home and are getting a new and bigger kitchen.  We are also getting some new furniture and completely new flooring (carpets and wood floors) throughout the whole house.  We have been planning it all for over a year and it is wonderful now to be putting it into action.

Obviously this takes away from some of the time I would usually use for walking and photography, but the renovating has only been the last few weeks, and doesn’t count for the last year or so!

So, here I am, developing new rituals and routines that no longer revolve around eating and I am deeply feeling the things that are missing in my life.  I do feel a sense that they are on their way to returning and I am looking forward to that.

Perhaps that means blogging more regularly.  Hopefully it also means walking through the sand dunes, the nearby conservation park, and the “millions” of stairs that go up and down the coastline.  And taking my camera for it all!

On the fertility side – we have made an appointment with our self-appointed GYN for May (which was the earliest appointment we can get).  I feel a sense of commitment towards that process beginning to grow in me again.  And I think a blog on that particularly issue will be forthcoming!


  1. I have missed you so much the past months. I hope you will write more here, but I understand that you are faced with so many different things lately.

    I often think about my life pre/post hubby & kids. I know that you love and are committed to D,and couldn't see life without him. Reflecting on the many changes is progress and I hope that everything will fall into place.

    Thinking of you.

  2. Welcome back to blogging!

    Hopefully, it will become a vehicle for voicing your feelings again; that it will provide a catharsis for you.

    I sense a void in your life. I hope you can get back to a regular routine of exercise; to get those juices flowing, which in turn will help with thinking and assessing more clearly.

    We all have our slumps. I've had one recently, and have just gotten back on the tennis court this week. I felt great when I got home.

    So wonderful to hear your "voice" again. :)

  3. Each day is a precious gift. Some days call for lots of activities. Others call for rest. I try to do my best not to feel guilty when I am doing one or the other. Blessings to you!

  4. Thanks everyone! It is nice to have blogged a post again. And to have caught up on your blogs as well.

  5. Hi Annie! I've missed you lots and not just for the past few months that you've been quiet here but for much longer. I got thinking the other day about how much I miss our phone calls. And when I think about that, it was a time when we were both single! So much is always going on in life. I feel much the same as you do. For me it's all about job, kids, husband and I find that I am way too far away from my hobbies. When I think I've found a little motivation, I realize I'm too tired to create. Find the time for yourself and as a couple. It's so important. I think if you slowly get back in to at least one thing that used to mean a lot to you, you'll find it a habit again.

    Much love to you!

  6. I am so glad I found your blog. I'm 42 with an almost 1 year old daughter. I had two friends 41 and 43 respectively become first time mom's last year and another who is 48 and due with her first in October (donor egg). Anyway, I love Marianne Williams and I'm very eager to hear more of your journey! -e

  7. Wow sudicruz. You have a wonderful network over 40 Mum friends around you. Thats fantastic! I'm it for my life, but you never know who I might meet along the journey! Nice to meet you.

  8. Hi Jane,
    It would be great to be in touch more often. I look forward to catching up on your news. Will head over to your blog soon!