Anticipation

This is the first time in three years that I am looking forward to getting my period.  It’s really quite bizarre!  I am keen to get started on the IVF drugs and get a step closer to possibly being a Mum.

Although I have to admit, if it takes a few days, that will probably be a good thing.  I started the Curves Complete program today and a few days on the eating plan will hopefully put me in a better place to deal with the drugs.  I’m posting about my journey with that in my Creating Peaceful Thoughts blog.  It won’t be an easy one for me either, but it is a wonderful opportunity to get pro-active once again with my positive thinking.

I feel better today about starting my first IVF round.  Last night, I went to bed feeling quite good and woke up the same way this morning.  It has been a while since that has been the case.  I have a strong feeling of things happening as they are meant to.

For instance, one of my goals these last two months was to lose weight so that when I got measured for my wedding dress, I would be down a size.  That didn’t happen.  In fact, although I had lost a couple of kilos, the ladies at the bridal store felt that I would be better to go up a size.  What??!!  Well, they made sense.  The dress will look much better with the laces tied up closer together and it’s only a number after all.  The good thing about it.  I still want to lose weight, but having the next size up dress, will give me room to move if I am pregnant and bubby needs the space!  And if not, it can always be taken in.

So, I’m happy about that.  It’s meant to be this way.  Life has waited until today to bring me to a place of good dietary changes in order to make sure I get a dress size that will ensure I can still wear it when pregnant!

What a confusing and crazy life I am leading at the moment.  It is all over the place.  I am so grateful that my working hours are down this year, so I have time to deal with all of this.  Time to enjoy all of this.  I would be a mess working as I used to as well as wedding planning, baby planning, and healthy lifestyle planning.

IVF

And so it begins…

We got all the IVF drugs today and will start our first round when I get my period in a few days.

To be absolutely honest, I am absolutely terrified.

I am going through a tough patch now, just with my life.  I am terrified about throwing this into the mix as well.  How am I going to react?  Will it be too much for me?  Will I lose the plot?  Will I end up in a full blown panic attack and in hospital?  That maybe an overreaction, but it is a thought that I truly and honestly feel all the time.

First thing is, I need to try and get on top of things.  I’m just not really sure how to go about that.  Everything I have tried over the last few weeks hasn’t even gotten off the ground.  But from tomorrow and especially from Monday, things need to be radically different.

The nurse said something interesting today.  She said that for every negative thought we have, we need 6 positive thoughts to counteract it.  Which roughly would mean I would need about 200 positive thought a day!  LOL  and a , but true.  It shows just how powerful our negative thoughts are.

She suggested starting a list of positive things to do, when the negativity / despair etc descends.  So Dave and I have put a little plan into action.  We have a grocery shopping app that links to both our phones.  Occasionally we have fun with it and leave each other messages.  Dave is going to do this for me now.  He is going to leave me positive, fun messages to try and help me through this phase I am in.  That in itself is a wonderfully positive thought!   

As for me, I need to find my own list.  I need to remember that this IVF thing is the most important thing in my life and I need to battle my inner demons with love and positivity in order for things to go well for me, for us and for our future baby.

Here goes!!