A funny thing...

A funny thing happened today.

Yesterday, one of my students called me to say that she had a simulated baby for the next few days and she would have to bring it to the lesson.  She was worried about what would happen in the lesson if she had to take care of it.  I told her no worries, I could hold it, feed it etc, while she played.  All good!

Fortunately, the baby was awake but quiet the whole lesson, so no problems.

However, at lunchtime we had flute ensemble rehearsal.  My student had fed and changed the baby before the rehearsal, so I thought it might be all good.  5 minutes later baby is crying and wants to be fed again. 

So, I found myself standing in front of my ensemble, fake baby in my arms, feeding it with the fake bottle!  It was hilarious!  Once the girls got over laughing, we got on with the rehearsal, with me counting and singing their parts rather than conducting!

I have to admit.   When she brought the baby into the her lesson, all I wanted to do was hold it!  A fake baby!  Cluck, cluck, cluck!! 

I've occassionally had a simulated baby in lessons before, but do you think this counts as good sign Number Ten!

After rehearsal, one of the girls said "You look so natural holding the baby!"  Aww, shucks!!  :):)

Strange to be feeling normal!

I'm finding it strange that, aside from a couple of days ago when I had some minor symptoms, I'm not experiencing any issues with this round at all. I'm not tired, or nausea, and the abdominal pains have gone, or at the most, hardly noticeable.  It doesn't feel like I'm doing an IVF round at all.  In fact, I feel really good!

I'm tired today but thats because I've had two late nights out with friends and have still woken up bright and early!  Just normal tiredness.  My body is a bit sore but thats because I did an intense pilates session the other day that left me really sore and yesterday did a two hour walk in the heat pushing Logan in the pram and have had him for the last two afternoons mostly holding him because he doesn't want to be put down much at the moment.  So that is all pretty normal!

I wonder how things will change with the introduction of the orgalutron injection tomorrow.  The strange thing is, I keep having these thoughts that the drugs can't be working properly if I'm not having any symptoms.  But I'm having an early scan tomorrow so I will find out for sure!

Things have been tough for my niece and her family and I'm grateful that I've been available to help with Logan when they have needed it.  From my side, he is an absolute delight and I love taking care of him.  I think the emotions of all those around him the last few days and the amount of time he has spent in the hospital is affecting him though.  Thus, not wanting to be put down very much and being restless and fidgety.  He was certainly a handful yesterday.  But still a delightful handful!

The first day I had him, the sadness I felt at having to give him back to his Mum was intense.  My whole soul lifted while in the maternal role of taking care of him.  And it was hard to lose that.  But yesterday was fine and it was nice to have J stay for a while and unburden and chat.  I miss them both today!

Side Effects

I woke up this morning still feeling terrific!  And I still feel great - emotionally!  The physical reactions of the puregon has started to kick in now though.  I'm feeling a little nauseous and the abdominal twinges have begun.

I never tracked my other IVF rounds.  I wasn't actively blogging at the time or even writing in my journal.  It was enough just getting through everything.  But with more time on my hands now, I am grateful to have the headspace to be able to keep a record.  And it is a good excuse to take a break from the bookwork!

I'm off to a friends tonight.  It is our usual first Friday of the month get together, but I'm going solo tonight.  I will have to take the puregon with me and find a private spot to inject.  Fortunately it will be the end of this vial so I don't have to worry about keeping everything refridgerated.  A cold pack will suffice until injection time at 7 pm.

I'm still getting a little dizzy after injection.  It happened the last rounds as well.  But only for the first few days and it doesn't last for too long.

My babysitting has been put on hold today which is sad, but his grandmother on the other side of the family is terminally ill and collapsed this morning.  The family have gone to the hospital today to be with her.  I'm on standby to go and pick him up from hospital should it be needed.  I wish I could say fingers crossed and everything will be alright, but I don't think it will be.  It's going to be a difficult time for them and all I can do is be here ready and waiting to help if needed.

In the meantime there is bookwork to be done.  And a quick break walking down the dog is needed too!

IVF

And so it begins…

We got all the IVF drugs today and will start our first round when I get my period in a few days.

To be absolutely honest, I am absolutely terrified.

I am going through a tough patch now, just with my life.  I am terrified about throwing this into the mix as well.  How am I going to react?  Will it be too much for me?  Will I lose the plot?  Will I end up in a full blown panic attack and in hospital?  That maybe an overreaction, but it is a thought that I truly and honestly feel all the time.

First thing is, I need to try and get on top of things.  I’m just not really sure how to go about that.  Everything I have tried over the last few weeks hasn’t even gotten off the ground.  But from tomorrow and especially from Monday, things need to be radically different.

The nurse said something interesting today.  She said that for every negative thought we have, we need 6 positive thoughts to counteract it.  Which roughly would mean I would need about 200 positive thought a day!  LOL  and a , but true.  It shows just how powerful our negative thoughts are.

She suggested starting a list of positive things to do, when the negativity / despair etc descends.  So Dave and I have put a little plan into action.  We have a grocery shopping app that links to both our phones.  Occasionally we have fun with it and leave each other messages.  Dave is going to do this for me now.  He is going to leave me positive, fun messages to try and help me through this phase I am in.  That in itself is a wonderfully positive thought!   

As for me, I need to find my own list.  I need to remember that this IVF thing is the most important thing in my life and I need to battle my inner demons with love and positivity in order for things to go well for me, for us and for our future baby.

Here goes!!

A better day.

This morning I woke up feeling normal!  No deep sadness, no anxiety pains.  I didn’t have the overwhelmingly sad dreams that I have been having every night.  Wow.  It feels so different. 

Unfortunately, Dave heads off on Monday for another week away.  This is the time of year that he has to travel.  It is just bad timing for me.  Last time he was away (last week) was when my anxiety kicked in, and that was just 2 nights.  Hopefully I will be fine. 

I have a flute course for the week, so it will be something different and I will be spending the day with colleagues listening to one of the “Gods” of the flute world rather than in a little room on my own teaching my students.  That has got to be better for me!   It is a lot of travel every day as it is in the city and I live in the outer suburbs but today, for the first time, I am looking forward to it. 

Today is my last teaching day for three weeks.  (Aside from one exam student during the holidays).  I am looking forward to my last student!  My three weeks “holidays” though are not holidays.  Next week – flute course.  The week after I am tutoring at music camp.  And the following week I have to get the EOFY accounting done. 

I really could do with a full week off, but I should be able to grab a few days here and there.  And if I go into Dave’s office to do the accounting, not only will I be with him, but I will be more focused and should get it done more quickly.

So, a better day today.  I am grateful.

Handing it over to God.  And Trusting.

Back once more.

[I’ve put this post on both my blogs, with just a different last paragraph for each!]

An email from Flower Power Mom, sent me to my blog again today after two months of quiet.  And of course, the timing is interesting.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my hobbies and interests and how I am missing them.  I know this is related a lot to my journey through Marianne Williamson’s book “A Course in Weight Loss”.  There has been a small but noticeable shift away from addictive routines and rituals and this has left me with a bit more time to think about the things I love doing in my life.

Lately, life has just been about surviving.  Getting through the day and then having the necessary time that I have needed lately just to do nothing, to have down time, to eat.  But the last few days I have been feeling unfulfilled and, lets face it, plain boring, by not indulging in all the things I love – bushwalking, photography and blogging – to name the main ones. 

And, aside from my addictive routines, I’ve been wondering how much of this is related to being in a relationship compared to being single.  I seemed to have much more time and headspace to indulge in my interests when I was single.  Not that I would ever want to go back there, not at all.  D is the best thing in my life and I never want to lose what we have together.  I just need to also find the headspace for the other things in my life that make me who I am, as well as having the time that I love for our relationship.

The funny thing is that, aside from blogging, my other two interests are also D’s interests.  Two of the first things that drew us together!  So, why aren’t we continuing to indulge in these loves together?

I know a lot of it, for both of us, is time and the demands of work, particularly for D.  And for me, it is also the desire to simply be with him.  For example, I no longer go walking early in the morning, because I love cuddling up in bed for a while and then eating breakfast together before D rushes off early in the morning for work.  And by then, I need to be getting ready and heading off as well.  And for the last few months, my own addictive problems have prevented me from being able to exercise after work.

A couple of times over the last week, we have gone out for a walk together early in the morning, but it is tough to do that.  We have to wake up extra early.  So, want I need, is to find that place within me again that motivates me to go to the gym on my way home.  Somewhere in me is the old energy that wants to get out and go places and do things – that wants to blog and connect with others over the net – that wants to take beautiful photographs.

At least I am blogging today!

On the plus side, D and I have filled our weekends the last few weeks with renovating our home.  We are painting, building walls, sanding, planning, shopping, looking at home ideas shops and magazines.  It is so very rewarding.  We have redesigned the layout of our home and are getting a new and bigger kitchen.  We are also getting some new furniture and completely new flooring (carpets and wood floors) throughout the whole house.  We have been planning it all for over a year and it is wonderful now to be putting it into action.

Obviously this takes away from some of the time I would usually use for walking and photography, but the renovating has only been the last few weeks, and doesn’t count for the last year or so!

So, here I am, developing new rituals and routines that no longer revolve around eating and I am deeply feeling the things that are missing in my life.  I do feel a sense that they are on their way to returning and I am looking forward to that.

Perhaps that means blogging more regularly.  Hopefully it also means walking through the sand dunes, the nearby conservation park, and the “millions” of stairs that go up and down the coastline.  And taking my camera for it all!

On the fertility side – we have made an appointment with our self-appointed GYN for May (which was the earliest appointment we can get).  I feel a sense of commitment towards that process beginning to grow in me again.  And I think a blog on that particularly issue will be forthcoming!

Making room for bubs (and updating!)

 

Hi all!  Sorry I haven't been around much or kept up blogging - both posting and commenting.  There just doesn't seemed to have been time in my head for it!  But I have really appreciated the comments I have received and have enjoyed quick catch ups on your blogs to see how things are going for you.

One of the reasons that there has been no time, is that we have been tackling some major projects around the home - clutter clearing, organising, building, gardening - all outdoor projects which is an area we haven't tackled since D moved in.  See my other blog - Creating Peaceful Thoughts- for all the details!

The clutter clearing and building in particular, held a lot of significance for me in regards to our conception journey, because I saw it as clearing away lots of rubbish in order to make room for bringing a new life into our home and lives.  And the building of a work area in the carport was like adding a new room to our home and saw us becoming more efficient both inside and outside the home with more clutter clearing, organising and creating of space.

The process is continuing with much more still to do.  And each step forward always signifies to me, more space in our lives for bubs to come in.

That was one of the really positive things that has happened and is still happening!

This, plus so many other little signs last cycle though, made me really hopeful about a positive result.  I was sure that we were finally going to conceive.  So, when my new cycle began, I was so upset.  It was the first time I have really truly cried over a new cycle.  And it occurred just as we were about to go away for the weekend and with visitors!  Oh dear.  Somehow, with D's help and support, I managed to get through that little episode secretly with our visitors none the wiser, and a wonderful weekend away!

However, the positive thing in this new cycle is that the length was back down to 30 days.  I haven't had a 30 day cycle since before we started trying a year and a half ago.  It always takes around 3 months for new naturopathic meds to really kick into the system and it has now been that long since Queen Naturo put me on new hormones. 

I truly believe that my system is balanced so much better and more ready to conceive - a 30 day cycle is awesome for me.  A few weeks ago I was all ready to go see my other naturopath for a second opinion (who I haven't seen at all since the journey began), but this has brought my belief back again to the awesome duo that I have my faith in.

It also means that I once again, have such hopes for this cycle.  A blessing and a curse all at once!!

More updates:

**  King Acupunc has become more gungho about getting us pregnant after going to yet another fertility workshop.  He came away equipped with more ideas, more specific points to needle me, and with lots of charts for me to fill in!  I appreciate this passion he has to ensure results and hope it works!

**  Mr. Ayuveda is continuing to help me, this time working with my own feelings and instincts on what is going on for me.  Every now and then I turn up at his door with such a clear image on what is wrong and when it is that strong he is able to get a clearer picture himself on what is needed.

This week was all about helping my soul to find my body.  I have been feeling so strongly that I am living outside of my body, up in my head.  And I think it has been this way for a long time, which is a big reason for my struggles with weight and food addiction.  Before I saw him, I managed for split seconds every now and then to be able to become grounded in myself.  And every time I did, for that split second, the food cravings would disappear completely.

Now, after his session, I am able to ground myself and feel centered for longer periods, which is really helping with healthy eating and feeling more peaceful.  Which in turn, will help us conceive, I'm sure!

Shifting thoughts

I’ve been finding myself in a very different place the last few weeks with my thoughts directed towards desires and dreams other than conception.  Our engagement has made me want other things in my life – most notably to be physically happy with myself for our engagement party and in a wedding dress.  I want to be able to look back at photos and be happy with the person I see in them.  Right now, I wouldn’t be able to do that.  And I know it will take more than a month or three or five of consistent effort in order to achieve that goal.

I am grateful that this has motivated me to begin to lose some weight and to follow some of the fertility eating I have learnt about, but I worry that, as an over 40 mum to be, I simply don’t have time to lose the focus towards having a baby.  Yet, it could also be that very shift away from the journey, along with fertility eating, that helps us to become pregnant!

I don’t know.  I guess I just need to keep living my life and take each day as it comes.  Just being together is the important thing.  As well as doing what is right for us.

What is right for us is to be happy together and to not feel any pressing time-line on our lives.  There are people wanting us to throw an engagement party right away, there are people shocked that we aren’t setting a date and putting wedding plans into full swing.  There is the over 40 body clock saying I don’t have any time to wait to have a baby.  There is my strong need to look better for photos and a wedding dress and to feel happy with myself.

There are the what if’s.  What if I get pregnant soon?  What will happen to the wedding, my goals to look better, the honeymoon?!  What if I don’t get pregnant soon?  Will I get too old?  Will we not ever have children?  What if I can’t lose weight?  How will that affect things?

What if?  What if?  What if?  

I have moments of living in the moment and not worrying, of being content with the way things are, with doing things the way we want to and when we are ready to, of simply taking one step at a time toward my own personal goal.  But I have equal moments with all these thoughts pounding around in my head.

Today, because I am home sick, and not eating particularly well as a result,  I am in a darker place than I wish to be.  I just want to cocoon myself with some food and a movie and wallow in this illness.

I know I will shift out of this place when the momentum of a week of good food, exercise and a smaller waist, will help me feel like I am moving forward towards my goals.  And I know that getting pregnant isn’t going to stop me continuing to move towards a healthier me.  And I know that becoming healthier could mean a more fertile me.  And I know that it doesn’t matter how long we take to do the engagement party and wedding thing.  But I just SO need to look better for that, not for D although that would be nice, but for me, for my own happiness and joy in the celebration.  Oh, it’s all just twisting round and round in my head!  LET IT GO!

LET IT GO!

In my rational mind, I know that the only thing I can do is to stay focused on eating well, exercising, remaining stress-free, and living in the joy of being so happy with D.  Everything else will simply take it’s course.

Thoughts, support, friendship and advice are all welcome!  :):)

Fun and laughter!

Thank you to everyone who was so supportive of my post yesterday.  It was so appreciated and I am so grateful to you for being there in the blogging world and sharing our journeys together.  It meant a lot and was SO helpful to receive wonderful words of wisdom, advice and support.  Thank you!

I am feeling a lot better today.  I had a good cry, a couple of drinks and a fantastic evening with D!!  It is not often we get to have a couple of drinks together these days and we really enjoyed ourselves, talking together over the dinner table, playing around with the camera, playing with the animals, and in reminiscence of our early dating days, sitting in the lounge with the lights off, listening to all sorts of music, talking, laughing and looking at the amazing visual effects of D’s fantastic screensaver.

Check out some of the fun…!

D will kill me for putting this one up, but it so depicts our fun filled, silly evening!  I stuck smiley faces on our faces in order to pick up our spirits!

R and I had a play fight.  Check out the claws!!  When he plays, he REALLY plays!!!  Ya gotta watch out!

 

K was being her usual gorgeous self watching the goings ons.

 

M and D had their usual boy fun together.  But M got the better of D and grossed him out with his licking!! (goodness knows why I am still writing with initials, when I am putting up photos!!  Oh well!)


And lastly, D gotta the better of me and caught me on the throne!  Oh dear!  Naughty man!  But hilarious laughter was the result of this bit of trickery!

 

So, it was a much needed, joyful, fun-filled, silly and loving evening of togetherdom.  And the result is that today I feel much better.  I love that we have so much fun together.

Finally.

I have been trying to write a post all week.  I make a start and then have to do something else.  It just hasn’t happened.

This week has been super super busy.  We had a visiting artist from overseas giving masterclasses and a recital.  Every night after work I have travelled into the city.  I’m a little tired!

But now it is Friday night, D is away for work and I have the house to myself.

So to catch up…

As you know, I haven’t been tracking this cycle.  I was/am just over the whole tracking ovulation thing and just wanted to chill out this time around.  The timing was perfect as it turned out.  I had my HSG Scan, we got engaged and I started work again.  There just hasn’t been time!

Yet, after I hit the time after ovulation, I suddenly found myself in the two week wait.  “Will I be pregnant?  I have to wait two weeks to find out?  It’s such a long time.”

I was so surprised to enter this phase! I didn’t expect it. It only lasted for a few days though and now I am back to the normal ‘go with the flow’ me.  In fact, after today’s acupuncture appointment, I think it would be a good idea to have a menstrual cycle – post HSG scan.

King Acupunc warned me that the period after an HSG scan may be heavier and different to usual.  If there has been anything flushed out of my tubes, it will make it’s way out during this time.  Not a nice thought! 

Has anyone had any experience with this?

What is a nice thought, is to have a completely cleansed uterus.  So, it would be a blessing to go through another cycle in order to achieve this. 

I’m Day 25 now, so going on a 31-33 Day cycle, it’s still a week to go before we find out whether we are happily and wondrously pregnant or thoroughly cleansed!

Woopsie!

 

 

 

As you know, we are not telling our friends and family IRL about our efforts to have a baby.  Ever since we began tracking my cycle 6 months ago, I have remembered every fortnight to put away the Maybe Baby and any other signs of our efforts to conceive before our cleaner and now friend, comes around.  That is… until today!

After she had been here for a little while, I finally remembered!  I wasn’t worried because I didn’t think she had been to our bedroom yet.  But I was wrong!  She had already gone around with the duster.

As she was finishing up for the morning, she said to me “I wasn’t snooping around amongst your things, but I thought I should let you know that as I was dusting, I came across the Maybe Baby by your bed.  Ooo, I thought.  I know was THAT is for!!” 

After my initial “oh no”, I was so grateful that she felt it was important to tell me and not hide the fact that she saw it.  I know I can completely trust her not to tell anyone – including my mother who she attends church with every Sunday!

Now, I don’t have to hide everything every fortnight! 




Instead we had a little chat about it and she was able to pass on her insight, wisdom and support.  She is a wonderful woman, who has gained much experience and understanding about life.  And she is excited for us!  And said that she would pray for us.  She also promised not to ask me every fortnight how it is all going or ask the question that is one of the reasons we aren’t telling people “are you pregnant yet?”!

The BEST thing about our conversation was when she said “And of course, you are the PERFECT age now to have a baby!”

”What”, I said, “You are the first person to ever say THAT

!”

She said, "Well of course you are.  You’ve had so many life experiences, you are more than ready to settle down and really give your all to raising a child.  You understand what is involved.  You have waited for the right person to have a child with.  You are committed to each other as you will be to your child.   You will have so much to give to your children. It’s the perfect time!”

Gee, I like that woman!!  Thhhrrrrr, to the people who say you shouldn’t have children over 40.  Come and talk to our wise and loving cleaner!!!  :) :) 

 

The journey continues…

There is a lot to put down into words from the last 24 hours.  Perhaps a couple of posts would the best way to do it.

Last night saw me have a bit of a meltdown.

All of the following things listed – mentally, I know are just fine.  They are all the things of which I have complete mental clarity, understanding and acceptance.  None of them are a problem and they all have either my desire to be doing it or my complete support. 

Yet, my emotions have taken me a different way.  The rolled out in this order:

• The winding down and shifting energy after family left from two week Christmas/NY visit,
• Working out together, that the week D needs to go out of town for work is my ovulation week,
• the results of yet another test,
• the build up of 7 months of taking pills, having tests, getting results, tracking cycles and ovulations (or the lack thereof), going to the fertility clinic, naturopath and weekly acupuncture appointments,
• not being able to lose weight and continuing to really struggle with healthy eating patterns (my lifelong challenge which only adds stress to my desire to conceive)

The consequence of this was a complete switch in my emotions and hormones – chemical changes fluctuating wildly!  And my mental clarity and understanding having absolutely no say in the matter.

D saw something was wrong “Whats wrong, Bloss.  Talk to me”.

”I don’t know” I said, “Maybe it is winding down after having family here, maybe I’m sick of trying to conceive”

And on that, I burst into tears.  Ah, that is what it is.  Now I knew.

This morning I stayed in bed and continued to sleep until midday.  That in itself says a hell of a lot as I can never sleep during the day unless I am sick.  I got up only when I realised that my other naturopath might have my happy pills that I haven’t had for a few weeks.  She did and I went to get them.  A little naturally healthy kick of the chemicals that help mood is in order.

 

She also had another tab that will help with my last test results.  So I came home and worked out how many mg and mcg I needed of B12, B6, Folic Acid and Zinc and worked out what I needed to take in order to achieve that.  I will check it all with Queen Naturo when she returns from holidays.

Being pro-active with this has definitely helped.  I’m not one to want to wallow in these challenging emotions.  I have to acknowledge them, I have to feel them and allow them their natural course, but I will also try to find a way out of them.  I haven’t felt this depth of depression for quite some time though, so it will take some time I think.

In the meantime, after a day of laying in bed and either reading or sleeping, I am ready to start to do one thing at a time, one step at a time.  Right now, I’m going to cut around the stickers that I’ve been meaning to use for a long time.

Next posts – Homocysteine Tests and my new book purchase You Can Get Pregnant Naturally Over 40 by Sandy Robertson.

Finding Gratitude.

I’m really struggling to find my happy place at the moment.  It is possible that external influences are factoring in to it, but mostly I think it is starting another cycle. 

So, what I need to do is to be grateful for this latest stage in our conception journey and my life overall.  In this way, I can find my positivity once more.

I am grateful for:

• the opportunity to continue to move into a healthier way of living.
• being able to enjoy NYE with a few drinks.
• having D in my life – his love and his support and his wonderful way of being able to find my happy place!
• my naturopath and acupuncturist and the support and treatment they are providing.
• their 100% strike rate for conception!
• being able to begin painting the outdoor setting and to poison the weeds today. (although D ended up poisoning for me!)  If I was pregnant or thought I was pregnant, I wouldn’t have done those jobs.
• our home and our life together.
• my parents.
• our pets.
• the changes in my work situation this year.
• that all our test results were good.
• school holidays.
• our rural property that we can go to whenever we like.
• remembering that when I am struggling, I simply need to focus on one step at a time, one job at a time, one thing at a time.
• our brand new Canon SLR and the digital photography course I just downloaded!

So, now I let it sit.  Absorb it.  Allow it to come to fruition.  And eventually I will be back to my usual place of positivity, gratitude and living in the moment.

Day 3, Cycle 8

New Years Eve was fantastic!!  How was your night??  I hope you all enjoyed seeing the New Year and new decade in your most favourite of ways!

About an hour before we left for our property, my period began.

There were some tears and working through the sadness during the two hour drive to our property.

But once we were there, we had a wonderful time!!  I was grateful for and greatly enjoyed being able to have a few drinks and cracked open my favourite bottle of red wine – Wolf Blass Grey Label Shiraz.  I could have stayed up all night, but by 3am we headed to bed and slept for just a few hours.  I guess that’s the problem being an early riser – you go to bed late and still wake up early!!  But I woke up refreshed this morning after a wonderful nights sleep.

I need to move back into a place of feeling positive about conceiving and simply going with the flow of life once more.  At the moment, I am feeling a little sad and dejected about it.  This is the first time I have truly felt this way at the beginning of a new cycle. 

After the GYN told me she believed I was ovulating and that all the tests for both of us were good, I began to feel more hopeful about our chances.

Now I need to go back to the stress-free, relaxed, let things come as they do, approach to life and conception that always works well.  I think it might be a little harder to find now, but just writing this is helping it to come back just a little!

The last day of the year…

I can feel it in my bones – 2010 is going to be a GOOD year!!

I don’t know what it is, but as the year is drawing to a close, I am feeling better and better about the next year.  Positive, excited, hopeful, eager, at peace. 

Is anyone else feeling similar emotions and thoughts about 2010?

We are spending tonight’s celebration at our property in the country.  400 acres of wilderness!  I’m so excited about it!  It is a REALLY hot day here today and the property is terrible in the heat, so we are going up late afternoon in order to get there around sunset.  I have sparklers, glow in the dark necklaces and frisbees and all sorts of other things!  Out there in the pitch black they are going to look great!

One great exciting thing to start the year off is that our new Canon SLR camera arrived today!!  We are SO excited!  I am so looking forward to being able to take really good photos and displaying them on here as well as around our home etc.! 

Today is Day 31 of my cycle and we are waiting to see if there will be a Day 1.  [My last cycle was 31 days and the two before were 32.]  Which means we are also waiting to see whether I will be drinking alcohol tonight for New Year or still being alcohol free.  My preference of course is that I’m pregnant!  Of course!!

However, if my period comes tomorrow or the day after and I’ve missed out on New Years drinks then that will be disappointing as well!!  :) :)

For some reason, I haven’t wanted to do a pregnancy test.  We have family visiting and we still aren’t telling anyone about our pregnancy efforts.  So, it is a little awkward.  And I think a big part of me wants to be able to run around the house and yell out my excitement when the result is positive!!  But, the family are leaving on Tuesday, so if there is no change by then, then we will do a test!  And hopefully run around in excitement!! 

In the meantime, I am feeling good about myself and us and our lives.  I am happy in the moment and content with the day.

I like that this is the predominant feeling I have, even though there are some other things going on that I am not happy about.  Within the challenges, there is a centre to my being.  A growing connection to my spirituality that has been dormant for a little while.  And I believe that it is my other blog – Creating Peaceful Thoughts – that is re-awakening this connection with my Spirit and very importantly, allowing me to feel more peaceful and stress-free in order to conceive and grow our child!

So, a peaceful waiting is in order for the next few days.  And whether tonight is alcohol free or not, I’m going to have a great time!!

Happy New Year, Everyone!!!

Beauty products.

Day 12.  No signs of ovulation yet.  With my 32 day cycle, I should begin getting signs on the Maybe Baby on Day 14.

Other than that – no news on the conception front.

I go to the fertility clinic next week for the results of all the tests and the first phase of treatment from them.

I have another acupuncture appointment today.

Yesterday was my birthday.  41 years old.

I had a wonderful day.  One of the things that made it so great was going out with my Mum for Jurlique facials together.  We booked it sometime ago and both had vouchers from presents over the year from my sister-in-law. 

Oh my God!  I haven’t had a facial like that in years!!  It was fantastic!  I am a new Jurlique fan.  I didn’t know about their products before.  They are in the high price range and I never looked.  I am in love.  Organically grown. All natural. No nanoparticles (now THAT is a whole other post.  if you are interested in learning about this dangerous product that is now in our cosmetics – google it)  It is just so darn expensive. 

Anyway, I have treated myself to a few products and am now researching other brands that don’t have nanoparticles, are still natural, but aren’t quite so expensive.  Fingers crossed I can find one.  Looks like I have some changes to make to my make up and beauty products cupboards.

I get some things from my naturopath.  She has someone working in the clinic who makes all natural moisturizers etc especially designed for your skin. And they are a good price. But my skin still feels fantastic today after yesterday using the Jurlique products.  The difference is huge.  A balance between the two maybe in order.

The most important thing is that I am not putting anything in or on my body that can cause any damage to me or our future child. 

Why is it that there are so many things brought into our daily lives by big companies that are actually harmful to us??  Money, of course.  But why?  I just don’t understand.  In my head, it would make more money, if it really was good for you.  I hope that more and more people insist on the right products so that eventually big companies are forced to make good choices for the health of the worldwide population.

Chilling out!

Peace and Quiet. 
Time for myself.
So many good things.

It’s 7 pm.
It’s still daylight!
I have one more day of teaching before I start summer holidays.
The mouse has left the house!  We can now get a good nights sleep!
D is at kickboxing and the house is so so so quiet.
The sound of birds chirping as the day winds to a close is beautiful.
There is a beautiful breeze floating around the house.
I’ve had dinner.
D’s dinner is ready for him when he comes home.
I am enjoying the one perk of getting my period and not being pregnant – a really nice glass of red wine! 
Ah, bliss.

It’s amazing how not drinking enhances the effects of alcohol when you do indulge!  Half a glass of wine and I am going wooooooo!!!  haha!
I feel so relaxed.  It’s heaven.
I’m looking forward to having one more glass to share with D when he returns.  We don’t get to drink together very often anymore.  And it was one of the things the we bonded with when we first met – our love of wine.
So while it is disappointing to be starting a new cycle, we get to share that love for one little night (maybe two nights!  :)  )

 

Time to blog!

I have no more conception news today.  I simply have the time to blog!  My goodness!  Where did that come from!  :)

I had the day off yesterday and apart from a couple of appointments decided to chill out.  No banking, no bookwork, no reports, no teaching, no flute, no errands!  And with the temperature sitting at around 38C(100F) for the last week and still into the future, what a day to do it!

So, today comes around and I am feeling relaxed, easygoing, with time on my hands.  Yes, all of the above things need to be done but I simply enjoyed the shopping and errands this morning and left the rest.  I deserve the break and I feel good about it!  Its so HOT here!!  Who wants to do anything!

Tomorrow I have a flute society AGM in the afternoon (the bbq lunch was cancelled due to the extreme weather!) and then we are off to see the Time Travellers Wife.  Can’t wait!

Maybe I will just do those reports now and get them out of the way…
…  mmm, no it seems it is time to go down to the beach for an evening walk.  Oh dear, what a shame!  :)…
… Oh, got the reports done, Yeea!  Now down to the beach!

Our trip to Sydney was wonderful!  We had a great trip and really enjoyed the four day (there and back) road trip together.  On the way home, we saw this amazing old train bridge and stopped to take photos.