Treatment sessions and the 2WW

The Two Week Wait.
It is most definitely here.  And once again, things are different this time around.

I've never had a problem with the TWW before.  We've waited the two weeks every cycle for 4 years.  It's always just been part of the course.  Whether through stimulated cylce or natural.  But this time, with the hopes and dreams I have for this cycle, and the way things have been going so well for the first time in one of my rounds, I started feeling the tension yesterday.

I also started feeling fears that embryos weren't growing or that something was going wrong.  And I realised what a roller coaster ride I am in for the next two weeks.

I've been in a lot of pain and discomfort and I feet the need for the next few days to really relax and take it easy and lay down a lot.  In fact, it has also been forced on me as well.  Even doing the dishes yesterday brought about abdominal pains.  But the moment I felt them, I stopped the dishes and lay down.

I understand where the fears are coming from, but I refuse to let them take hold.  Instead I've been focusing on Love and Light.  I've been meditating on them and feeling both of these flowing through me, through my chakras and into my womb.  Feeling the breath of God.

My kinesiology session yesterday was amazing and has really helped me to be able to feel these things.
The first thing she was led to were my ovaries which she said were dehydrated.  Makes sense.  They've gone through a lot.  She worked on them and also on stimulating the energy in my uterus, getting the blood flowing and getting it all ready to receive the embryos.

For my part, I have continued to drink 2.5 litres of water a day, and constantly go to the toilet!!  Yet despite all the water I am drinking, my lips are really dry and sore and need constant lip balm - a sign of dehydration.  But I can't drink anymore than I am.  I would have to just stay on the toilet all day if I did!!!  :)  So, I'm also concentrating on eating foods that are hydrating as well as full of nutrients.

The kinesiologist also worked on aligning the energy throughout my body, allowing the channels to flow and making it easy for new little energies to find their way!  The words I left with are:

• Joy, acceptance and unconditional love
• Self worth, self love
• Trust and higher self alignment
• Hydration and Nutrition

The third one is perhaps the biggest for me - to trust and to stay aligned.  The Love and Light focus is helping with that.

And finally, my naturopath/masseur.  The fact that that appointment occurred the day before transfer is really significant.  The massages that I usually need, I won't be able to have when pregnant because she works on areas that can also encourage contrations.  So, it was wonderful to be able to have, what will hopefully be my last full massage for the next 9 months!  And once again, some of the points that she found were all about good blood flow to my uterus amongst other things.

A perfect pre-transfer day!

The day of and the day before embryo transfer

Embryo Transfer this morning!  Everything is still going SO well.  We had our best result yet with two embryos that have continued to grow as expected.  The other three seemed to have stopped growing.  They will give them another 24 hours but they are not hopeful about being able to freeze them.

But it doesn't matter.  We got TWO EMBRYOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And we still have little Nemo on ice.  (Thats what Dave named our frozen embryo from round 2 which we weren't able to transfer because of my polyp)

I was so excited I couldn't stop smiling, including most of the way through the procedure and aftewards saying goodbye!!  :):)  The transfer itself was a breeze.  It was over before I knew it.  Last time, the OB had a little trouble with it, it took a little longer, and was a little more uncomfortable.  But not this time.  Done and dusted and our two embryos are inside me, hopefully happily finding a home and continuing to grow.

Our OB was away today so we had a different person (first time ever for us!).  He was the OB who was on call the night we had the ovarian bleed on my first cycle.  He was wonderful that night, so helpful, proficient and caring.  And today was no different.  I immediately liked him.  He was wonderful.  A strong, gentle, caring man who obviously loves his job and is brilliant at it.  No wonder his name is at the top of the list.  Right above our usual OB!  We have been so lucky with OB's now we are at this different clinic.

Here is a photo of what our embryos looked like.  PS. It isn't ours!  Although if we are successful, I may ask if we can get one!

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The Day before Transfer

Yesterday was a day of amazing syncronicity.  My chance, or design, who knows which, it doesn't matter which, it was an amazing day full of events that helped prepare me for the transfer!  I am still amazed by it.

I have already done a list of signs etc that have happened over the last couple of weeks that have been encouraging me to believe that this round could be the one.   The posts are here and here.  Now the list continues!

Six
 I had both a kiniesology treatment and a full massage and they both were an amazing preparation for the embryo transfer today.  I didn't plan to have them booked on the same day and I certainly did not plan to have them booked the day before the transfer.  I booked them weeks ago before we even started this IVF round. [More about them in my next post.] But the timing of them was incredible!

I also had a counselling session scheduled but this was cancelled. And I think it was meant to be that I didn't see the shrink.   I think that not talking about what happened with the kiniesologist was the way it was meant to be - that I was simply allowed to let the treatment work within me and not analyse it or disrupt the energy shifts with the mental and emotional analysis that comes with the shrink.  Things continued to be set up for me.

Seven
Although this is under really sad circumstances, I ended up having Logan for most of the day.  His grandmother has been terminally ill and the family were called in at 5am in the morning to spend her last day with her.  Logan went for a while but it's not good for him to be at the hospital for hours, so I was called early in the morning to pick him up.

The fact that I spent a good portion of my day before transfer with this wonderful baby who has brought forth such strong maternal instincts in me did not go unnoticed.

Eight
I know this is a little trivial but it's never happened in all the other times we have been to the hospital, so why today?  When we checked out after the transfer, the lady on the desk cut off my hospital ID and said "Do you want to keep it?"  Today, of all days, I get asked to keep a momento of my admission!!!  I said YES!

Nine
Now this last one just freaks me out and requires a bit of a backstory.

Dave and I spent last Christmas with his family in Sydney.  They are a Catholic family and so I went with his Mum and him to mass in the morning.  I don't what happened within me because this doesn't usually bother me - but there were so many kids running around the church, and by about 20 minutes into the mass, I was in tears.  I just couldn't cope with all the children - there were just too many and I felt my lack of a child so keenly.

I had to leave.  Dave followed me out and we sat outside for a while talking and then I told him to go back in with his Mum.  I would just walk back home and get his Auntie V (who lives next door) to let me in.  I knocked on the door, she let me in with a "has mass finished already?!" and before I knew it, I was crying on her shoulder, telling her about everything.

V is a devout catholic and I am glad she had already been to a Christmas mass.  She listened to me and supported me and talked about her own experiences and was fantastic.  She then offered to give me some information about a Saint of Motherhood I could pray to if I wanted to.  There was no pressure, she just wanted to give me some information and let me do what I wanted with it.  And she was there to support me and pray with me if I chose.  It never went any further during that visit because things were so busy and then we were gone.

Guess when she sent me the information?  9.30 last night.  All this time later!  She apologised for taking so long to get it to me.  Are you serious??  I get the information the day of transfer! (because I checked the emails this morning).  Am I really being told that this is going to work this time?  Is it time I finally trusted in all these little things that have been happening and believe.  If I wasn't already at that point after yesterdays sessions then this tipped me right over the edge.  Yes, I do believe this is the one.  In a really peaceful, calm and positive way, I do believe that this is the one.  I now have my bubbies inside of me.

Needless to say, I printed out the prayer and put it with the pouch symbolising the months worth of prayers from a Japanese monastery that my dear friend organised for me.  And I took them both into the transfer with me, hanging from a chord on my wrist.

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I am feeling so good about this.  I know that if it doesn't work, I am in for a BIG let down.  But I will deal with that if it happens.  Dave is still feeling cautious and I understand that.  But he is also supportive in me not being cautious anymore and simply running with these wonderful and positive feelings I am having about it all!

My fingers are still crossed!

Post Theatre

Theatre went well yesterday.

Aside from the anaesthetist who, upon having trouble getting the needle into my hand, tried to put it into my wrist instead.  The pain was excriating.  He then gave me gas to relax me so he could try to get it into my other hand.  Of course I was even more tense after what he had just done to my hand and wrist!  And I hated the gas as well.  It was awful.  But finally the needle went in the other hand.  Why he didn't try my other hand first before trying my wrist is beyond me.
 
When I woke from theatre the only pain I had was the excriating pain in my wrist.  My abdomen was fine!  I couldn't move my arm at all without agony.  My wrist was iced by the nurses and a cream put on it to try to bring out the bruising and encourage faster healing.  Today it is better, but I still need to be careful.  I can type in short bursts (this post is taking a long time to put together!), but I can't undo bottles/jars or do up my bra!  I made sure to get dressed before Dave left for work so he could help me  :)  So, no permanent damage to my wrist thank goodness.  Just a really nasty bruise covering my inner wrist and a dark red blotch where the needle went in.

We got 7 eggs which the OB was happy with.  I was hoping for 8-10, but 7 is still good.  After all, we only need one good one!  Of those 7, one was immature and one didn't fertilise.  So we have 5 embryos starting to grow!  Fingers crossed they continue to grow!

Wednesday I start the Crinone (progesterone cream).

Thursday I start aspirin 100 mg and Clexane 40 mg.
One of the results of my multiple blood screenings was that I have a problem with blood clotting.  I don't know what that means in regards to my overall health, I will investigate that further later on.  But in regards to pregnancy, it means that it can be more difficult for implantation to fully take hold.  So, I will be on these two drugs until further notice.  The clexane is another daily injection - just great!  Not!

Friday we go in for the transfer - fingers crossed of course that we get at least one good embryo.

Monday I go into the clinic for a pregnyl 500iu injection.  I haven't had this one before either.  This one helps keep the lining of the womb all nice and juicy for implantation.

And then on Wednesday the 27th, if I haven't started my period, I go in for a pregnancy test.

My OB is pulling out all the stops for this one.  Giving it everything she can.  I'm glad.  Because I really don't think I can go through it again.  Especially theatre.  The anxiety I feel going in there is so high and I so wanted to jump off that bed and say "I'm calling it off, I'm calling it off".  But of course I didn't.

And theatre is still not the end of it as you can see from the list above.  I'm tired of being poked and prodded.  I'm tired of feeling so many array of emotions and physical symptoms.  I'm really tired of injections.  My coping skills are really struggling with that one.

Please, please, please let this one work.

The days before egg harvest

The days continue to chop and change with side effects.  I had a great day on Friday but totally collapsed in exhaustion late afternoon and that continued throughout Saturday.  Then I picked up Saturday night and wasn't able to sleep till midnight!  Go figure!  Today I am once again feeling quite weary.

Wednesday I had my last scan before harvest on Monday.  My follicles have continued to develop and there were around 10 measuring 13-14mm.  So, I would imagine they have reached the goal size of 17mm by now.  I'm feeling sore and heavy in the ovaries and I find that if I have a full bladder it is more uncomfortable!

We did the last puregon and orgalutron injections on Friday night and did the trigger injection (ovidrel) last night (Saturday).  So today is a day off for injections before theatre tomorrow.

I must admit to not coping all that well in the last few days.  I think doing this round on the back end of two miscarriages is taking its toll on my emotions and body.  At this point, I don't know that I could go through another round.  Fingers crossed we won't have to! 

I also have a lot of anxiety over going under for the egg harvest.  I have so many fears of it, all related to my physical well being.  I always fear the worst.  I just need to remember that I get knocked out and then in the next blink of an eye it is all over.  And that during the procedure I am under good care.  If anything goes wrong, I have an absolutely awesome doctor, in fact I will have two doctors for this procedure, so I am being well looked after.  It doesn't take away my fear but I am focusing in on those thoughts to help me.

Today we are hanging out with some friends.  They are moving house in a couple of weeks and I offered to help them pack.  It will be a good distraction as well as great company for the day.  I'll do what I can energy wise and I know Dave will keep an eye out for me and not let me do too much.

I'm looking forward to the next week moving along quickly.  The 5 day wait after the harvest to find out if we have any good embryos and then the transfer procedure.  All things I will be glad to have completed.

Wish me luck for Monday's harvest!

Next update!

The last two mornings have been a bit of a challenge with tiredness and nausea plaguing me.  Particularly this morning when I had to drag myself out of bed and head off to work!  However, at this point, I am finding that it is only lasting for a few hours and then I'm feeling okay again.

There is definitely some bloating as well and occasional cramps or a feeling of heaviness.  Still nothing to write home about - so to speak!

My first scan was yesterday and everything is growing nicely.  I have another one tomorrow and that may decide when I go into theatre.

Dave comes home tomorrow (fingers crossed) - Yippeeee!

A few other things have been happening that feel like things are falling into place.

Four - My home has gradually been getting additions of a change of baby clothes, bottles, and food.   With the extra last minute babysitting, J hasn't had time to properly pack for him.  It's just been a quick drop off between rushed hospital visits.  So, I went shopping and bought a couple of things to keep here.

It's been so lovely seeing baby clothes hanging on the line and I have a drawer in the spare room that I am keeping everything in.  Unfortunately, due to past experiences, I have stopped really believing in signs, but this feels like just one more thing that is keeping me positive about us succeeding this time around.  It's a new thing for me to have these things in the house and I like it.

Five - I'm also so ready to have a "mummy" car.  I keep looking at cars on the road for the one that I would like.  Thats also new.

So lots of things are feeling good.  It just all remains to be seen doesn't it??!!

Strange to be feeling normal!

I'm finding it strange that, aside from a couple of days ago when I had some minor symptoms, I'm not experiencing any issues with this round at all. I'm not tired, or nausea, and the abdominal pains have gone, or at the most, hardly noticeable.  It doesn't feel like I'm doing an IVF round at all.  In fact, I feel really good!

I'm tired today but thats because I've had two late nights out with friends and have still woken up bright and early!  Just normal tiredness.  My body is a bit sore but thats because I did an intense pilates session the other day that left me really sore and yesterday did a two hour walk in the heat pushing Logan in the pram and have had him for the last two afternoons mostly holding him because he doesn't want to be put down much at the moment.  So that is all pretty normal!

I wonder how things will change with the introduction of the orgalutron injection tomorrow.  The strange thing is, I keep having these thoughts that the drugs can't be working properly if I'm not having any symptoms.  But I'm having an early scan tomorrow so I will find out for sure!

Things have been tough for my niece and her family and I'm grateful that I've been available to help with Logan when they have needed it.  From my side, he is an absolute delight and I love taking care of him.  I think the emotions of all those around him the last few days and the amount of time he has spent in the hospital is affecting him though.  Thus, not wanting to be put down very much and being restless and fidgety.  He was certainly a handful yesterday.  But still a delightful handful!

The first day I had him, the sadness I felt at having to give him back to his Mum was intense.  My whole soul lifted while in the maternal role of taking care of him.  And it was hard to lose that.  But yesterday was fine and it was nice to have J stay for a while and unburden and chat.  I miss them both today!

Side Effects

I woke up this morning still feeling terrific!  And I still feel great - emotionally!  The physical reactions of the puregon has started to kick in now though.  I'm feeling a little nauseous and the abdominal twinges have begun.

I never tracked my other IVF rounds.  I wasn't actively blogging at the time or even writing in my journal.  It was enough just getting through everything.  But with more time on my hands now, I am grateful to have the headspace to be able to keep a record.  And it is a good excuse to take a break from the bookwork!

I'm off to a friends tonight.  It is our usual first Friday of the month get together, but I'm going solo tonight.  I will have to take the puregon with me and find a private spot to inject.  Fortunately it will be the end of this vial so I don't have to worry about keeping everything refridgerated.  A cold pack will suffice until injection time at 7 pm.

I'm still getting a little dizzy after injection.  It happened the last rounds as well.  But only for the first few days and it doesn't last for too long.

My babysitting has been put on hold today which is sad, but his grandmother on the other side of the family is terminally ill and collapsed this morning.  The family have gone to the hospital today to be with her.  I'm on standby to go and pick him up from hospital should it be needed.  I wish I could say fingers crossed and everything will be alright, but I don't think it will be.  It's going to be a difficult time for them and all I can do is be here ready and waiting to help if needed.

In the meantime there is bookwork to be done.  And a quick break walking down the dog is needed too!